TBBM XXV. We, Good?

"I should propose you a name. You don't call me by my name, anyway," I teased him.

"Let me hear it, then."

"Uhm--- handsome plus moron... Handron... Mor---Morsome?" Right. Morsome sounded fit.

His face twisted for a bit. But he nodded approvingly.

"I'm kidding. I don't think you're a moron. That's just love, I guess."

"Hicks," he looked at my face. "When a guy---when I say something and you think I insult you---I don't mean it. Really. Don't cry because of me."

"Huh?"

Dub dub. Dub dub.

Oddly, that hit deep.

When a guy---when I say something and you think I insult you---I don't mean it.

How could someone have this much effect on me.

"We, good now?" he stood in front of me, grinning widely.

I nodded. I couldn't help it. There was something... something about him that I couldn't resist---seeing him in pain, perhaps.

We descended to the second floor to fulfill our initial purpose of coming here. But I saw the ice skating rink. I remembered really obsessing over skates before.

"You wanna... try?" Red watched my expressions studiously.

"But I don't have my wallet," I nodded again, childishly.

"You really broke, mate?"

I made face.

He ended up getting skates for the both of us. There weren't very many people on the ice. I saw a group on the side trying to get the hang of it. On another side, there were friends skidding on the ice while holding each other. On the far left, there were skating students doing formations. And occasionally, there were kids playing tag in the ice.

I didn't realise I was already far, amused by the people having fun in the cold. I forgot about Red.

"Hicks!" he kept stumbling on ice. His white tee was soiled. Apparently, he didn't know how to skate.

I sped my way back to him.

"Tell me who's the weakling now? Tell me who can't walk on their own two feet---"

"You said I'm handsome, though," he held on my entire left arm tightly.

"You're not as handsome when you cling on a girl like that," I judged him. We both laughed.

"Slowly," I guided him. "Left. Right. Left---"

"Don't leave me!" he shouted. He acted like a kid. So much unlike his usual air. "D-don't go far!"

"Just skid through the ice. Shift your weight as you do," I watched his knees shook from trying to carry his own weight. "You're buff. It must be heavy."

"Don't bloody go anywhere and help me."

After long, he somehow got the feel of it. But I couldn't leave him far from the railings all on his own so I let him cling to me for the rest of our time.

"Hold on to me," I allowed. He needed both his hands to rely on something. "Hands on my waist."

"Hang on," he did so. But he was so tall. I placed his hands on my shoulders instead. And we rowed through the ice.

Red seemed too scared to fall. I could feel his heartbeat. It raced. So, I peered at his expressions through the glass wall to check on him. He didn't seem anything scared if I based it on his face.

So, on, I went.

"How are you so good at this?" he could finally talk.

"No, I'm not," I dismissed. "You can call this, that we're doing now novice. And you're just lower than novice."

"Boasty," he jeered.

"That's you," I fought back.

We were quiet for a bit.

"Did you know, this was what I wanted to be when I was young? I wanted to be a figure skater. I watched those young girls twirled and flipped in the air with all my hopes. I adored their uniforms and their choreography---"

"You didn't continue because you couldn't afford the uniforms?" he asked, trying to analyse me.

"That's one. But more than that, it occurred to me like a nightmare that at puberty, my body would start betraying me. It started to give me a form other than I imagined I would be at eleven. I realised that late. I'd saved so much for the lessons that I had no idea I wouldn't take. In the end, I used all that money for the injections."

"Injection," he sounded really confused. "I never got much chance to ask you about that. Can you explain it to me?"

"Is that an order?" I prodded.

"Definitely."

"I used money to buy me time. You see, deep inside me, I'm really an envious girl. I envied James, Roma, the PAC Girls, you even. I envied anyone who was rich. I just thought, with allot of money, I could pay the clinic to ensure that I'll get the injections I needed without struggles, without fail. But since we were poor, my mother had to take all that pressure."

"The injections do what?" he was so invested in my story that he rested his chin on my head, as we continued skating.

"The injections shield the recipient from puberty. You know when you were in your teens, you developed secondary hairs, your shoulders broadened, girls got menstruation and their hips widened? The injections stop any of that from occurring. So as to buy time for a patient to discover his or her real self; decide the life they want to lead."

"You're on that until now?" he gaped. "We could all be thirty and you still stuck in pre-puberty?"

"Exactly," I paused. "That's why one should only be on them for four years give or take. I had them for roughly seven years. Because I was indecisive and cowardly. I was afraid that the new me might live the way I wastefully did: always in tune to what people might say of me, societal expectations, you know. So my hair and bones almost paid the price for it."

"Hang on. The side effects part I think you did tell me about. But the 'new you' part... Y-you mean they are gonna cut you open? I mean, no offense---"

"I'm too far from that. No, actually, I'd start preparing soon. With the length of time I'd been on blockers, I might be able to persuade my doctor to shorten the wait time before surgery."

" So they're gonna cut you open."

"Yeah. You can say that," I couldn't imagine talking things like this to Red.

"Aren't you scared?" he gripped my shoulders tighter. "That sounded like a very serious operation. Y-you might die."

"I was dead," I looked back. "I was a dead kid before you met me. I only really had the courage to live now; like live, live. I don't know why that is. But whatever it is, I know I can't die in this form. Does that make sense to you?"

"It's just body," he disapproved.

"It's body," I pointed out, facing him. "You wouldn't know unless it's you."

+++

That probably was the longest time we talked without fighting each other. Red, he was inquisitive. He listened very well. I rarely felt this. But with him, that moment, I felt like he understood me.

We spent so long in the rink that we failed to realise the mall was just nearing closing. we rushed our way to the bookstore to grab the things we needed. Red didn't have a list so we kind of just figured out as we elaborated what we had to do out loud. The rush made it all the more enjoyable.

We headed to the cashier but I realised we didn't pool the funds yet.

"I got this," he said, as he swiped his card. "I always pooled the funds first when it was me."

"You must be lucky now," he tapped the card on my head, teasing. He pushed the cart outside the store hastily.

"The receipt. Aren't you gonna need this?"

"It's cool," he spent money like it was nothing.

"Not cool," I picked up the receipt and followed him out.

"Hicks," he stopped walking and turned the cart towards me. He tried to straighten out his V-neck shirt but it got wet and all crumpled in the rink earlier. "I looked nasty in this shirt. Help me get a new one."

"M-me?" I pointed at myself. What do I know of men's attire?

We ran towards one of the nearby boutiques. It was thirty minutes before they closed. He pulled on our cart effortlessly. He had such strong limbs. Despite his rich, Red's attire was always just low-key. He wasn't flashy like the other dudes. I meant, he just stood out because he looked really fit.

Why do I have so much observation of him?

He picked up the plain V-neck shirts on the rack: white, blue, black and the others.

"You're only going to buy one, aren't you?" I reminded him.

"I don't always buy so, I kinda keep reserves. Why? What do you think?" he returned, as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"You have so much in your closet---"

"Of course you know," he smiled cheerfully. I wished he was like that all the time. If only he could be a normal human being. He'd actually be allot more likable.

"Your boyfriend looks good on everything," the lady attendant remarked.

"Because he had lucky genes---boyfriend?" I realised it late.

"Yeah!" he chuckled. He dragged me to the dressing area. "Come here and help your home boy."

I waited for him to fit all five shirts he picked up. I held those he liked on the left and those he didn't on the right. I had to turn around because he wouldn't close the door. I'd been fighting it, but in truth, he was attractive. I couldn't stand looking at him without his shirt on.

"Do you think it looks good on me?" he asked again, about the fifth one.

"I liked the white, gray and the black."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"You don't like me naked?" he teased. "Why do you always turn around?"

I rolled my eyes at him. He made me give him his old shirt and changed into it. Weirdly, I thought we were here so he could get a replacement.

"I liked the blue but, as you wished---"

"No," I stopped him. "Go and take what you want."

"I wanted you to gift me. But you said you're poor," he really struggled with nicety. "So I let you choose and I buy what you choose. Deal?"

"Why do you want me to gift you, in the first place?"

"Nothing," he shrugged his shoulders off. "Can you wait for me over there at the entrance while I take care of these?"

I obliged. He was such an odd guy. But I felt safe near him. Actually, as I reflected more and more, the space near him had been a safe place for me for a while now. I failed to recognise when that started. Did it start when he defended me from Angie? When he took me home in the midst of a storm? When he made me feel like taking the quiz even when I wasn't? When he helped me with my homework? When he embraced me and said that I should trust him?

Dub dub. Dub dub.

We headed to the parking soon as he was out of the boutique, carrying two bags with him. He took the cart from me so I volunteered to take the paper bags from the boutique instead. Over-all, we somehow managed not to fight again. It was nice but then---

"Red!?" a male voice hollered.