An Interstice (19.4)

Mina gently helped Lumina lay down on the bed, and turned away, looking through the bags that were in what she assumed were a closet. Bella had mentioned they had spare clothes in there somewhere…

She dug out a loose sweater and looked over at Lumina. The shorts the woman was wearing seemed to be okay, so she decided to only help her girlfriend out of her shirt. She approached her and spoke quietly, "Hey, Lumi, is it alright if I help you out of your shirt? You should change, it must be suffocating to sleep in that."

Lumina hummed, sitting up. Mina sat on the bed in front of her, reaching forward to unbutton the top, making sure Lumina was alright the entire time. She tugged it off and handed her the sweater, "Thanks, Minnie," Lumina sighed, laying back down, the sweater riding up and showing her defined abs and the midriff tattoo on her left.

"No problem. You should get some rest, you've been going for a while now," Mina leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek. She stood up, about to join Bella and Leon when Lumina grabbed her arm.

"Stay with me. Trust me, it seems like they have a lot they need to talk about," She said softly, tugging Mina back to the bed. Slightly underestimating her strength, she accidentally pulled Mina so she toppled onto the bed on top of her.

As the arms wrapped around the smaller woman's waist, Mina began to suspect that it may not have been an accident.

"How are you feeling?" Mina asked, "I know you saw her there as well after Hyunwoo mentioned that she was there."

Lumina took a deep breath, "I thought it would be easier to ignore her after I got together with you. I thought that I could move on and just…Not think about what she did. But I still…God, I feel so weak sometimes," She muttered, "Every time I look at her, I'm back in that house—Or in the white room, whichever one my brain decides to torment me with, and I'm strapped down again, and she's looking at me, that same expressionless face staring down at me. And all I can think is how was I so stupid to not know that she'd been lying all along?"

Mina shook her head, "You were fifteen, Lumina. You were a child and she was an adult. Hell, she was older than your legal guardian at that point and she still preyed on you."

"I let her, though," Lumina whispered.

"Because she made you think that she could give you what you needed. She made you think that you needed her, and that's why you couldn't let go of her. She wormed her way into your mind and you've only now slowly been starting to dig her out," Mina responded.

The older woman bit her lip, "It's bad enough knowing that she feels no remorse for what she did to me, but she wasn't even satisfied after she lost me. She took Hyunwoo and Val as well. I know they don't want to tell me what she did for my own sake, but it's not like I don't have an idea. Val's reaction at the Winter Ball said plenty. And Val only just turned nineteen. Any sort of association Veronica would have had with her, she would have still been a child at that point. I just…I had at least hoped that it was only me but obviously, that was too much to ask for."

"You couldn't have known," Mina said softly, throwing an arm around Lumina's waist.

"I just…I should have killed her back then, all those years ago. Maybe then so many people wouldn't have gotten hurt. If I was stronger…"

Mina shook her head, "You were a kid. What could you have possibly done? She had control over you, in many ways. She made you think that no one would help you—And goddamn, she was successful because she convinced you that your own brother wouldn't help you—And she made you too afraid to leave her. Plus, she was stronger than you at the time. I don't think you could have done anything except escape. And even that," She poked Lumina's cheek, "Was a close call."

Lumina was quiet for a moment, "Did I ever tell you why I never went to Xander for help?" She asked.

"No, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Mina reassured.

Lumina turned on her side to look at Mina, "...Xander and I had a huge argument when he found out I was dating her. Obviously, his fifteen-year-old sister dating someone older than him, her legal guardian? I was young and dumb, I fell for all her lies. Xander didn't. He tried to warn me and I…I said some things that I really shouldn't have. He…Got mad, obviously, but not as mad as he probably should have been. Then he had to go to Sector 3 for an assignment. A longer one, two years. He wanted me to come with him but me, being the absolute idiot that I was, I said no. He obviously tried to convince me but in the end, he knew he couldn't force me. He had people looking out for me but…" She sighed, "When things started going downhill, Veronica really convinced me that Xander wouldn't help me. Why would he, when he was right and I hurt his feelings that badly? If anything, I was the one that dug my own grave, why should I go running to him now?"

"Oh, Lumi…" Mina whispered.

"It's stupid, I know that now, Xander would have helped me no matter what—He did help me. But back then I really thought…" She looked down, "I thought she was right. I thought I didn't deserve the help. I dug my grave. I had to lie in it. Or at least, that's what I thought. Before you came barging into my life and kept insisting that I had to get out of there. Even without knowing all of this, you looked at my situation and knew immediately what was going on."

Mina cupped Lumina's face, "I think if anyone spent more than five hours with you when you were still with Veronica, they would have known. But it was textbook manipulation. It was…" She sighed, "What I saw with you and Veronica was kind of similar to what I saw with my mother and father, but at an even worse scale. At least my mother didn't love my father, she stayed with him but didn't let him manipulate her feelings. You though…She got to you. It wasn't your fault. It could never be your fault. You know it was her fault for going after you. You were vulnerable, and she took advantage of you."

Lumina gave her a little smile, "You know, I think it's kind of funny that even as a seventeen-year-old, I thought Xander was some kind of superhero. He said it was just by coincidence that he happened to hear me screaming but I think it's some superpower of his or something to know when something's wrong."

"It's a big brother sense," Mina laid back, "Kaedan has it too. Wyran did as well. I think all older siblings have it."

"It's a damn good thing. I yelled his name but I had no guarantee he would have been there. Honestly, all I knew was that he coming back to Sector 2 that day, I didn't even know where he was. I guess he must have come looking for me. If he hadn't intervened…I don't think I would have even tried to get away. I missed him so much, and with everything Veronica had been doing…Just knowing that he still cared about me and protected me was enough for me."

Mina looked down, "But then, my family got in the way."

Lumina took a piece of Mina's hair and twirled it around her finger, "They're not your family anymore, Mina, not if you don't want them to be," She reminded her, "And I would never blame you for what happened.

"If I had just been more careful—"

"You were fifteen, and this was the royal family. I don't think we could have been any more careful."

"I'd avoided assassinations for that long, and I couldn't even stop a friend," Mina paused, taking in a painful breath, "Stop another friend from getting hurt? It's pathetic."

Lumina made a sympathetic noise, "Emilio wasn't your fault either. Mina, love, you were fourteen. You were barely keeping yourself alive, how could you have been in charge of keeping another human being alive? The real question is how did an eleven-year-old get so fucked up that he was capable of killing another child?"

"That's what happens when you're a Rowlock, I suppose," Mina laughed without humor, "It's not like I didn't have to kill plenty of assassins."

"In self-defense."

"...I killed them before they tried to kill me."

"Because they would have killed you eventually."

Mina sighed, "Lumina, I'm not a good person. It can't…Everything that I've done can't just be thrown down the drain because I did it on the assumption that I would have been killed."

Lumina sat up, "Would you have me blame Xander for what he did then?"

The younger woman's eyes widened, "No! Absolutely not, he did what he had to so that you could both stay alive. He had no other choice—"

"How is that any different from you?" Lumina asked softly. Mina was quiet, "Xander did what he did to stay alive. You did what you had to, so you could live. Even if you had a castle full of guards, none of those guards tried to protect you. No one tried to protect you. As much as I understand the difficult situation your mother was in…It doesn't change the fact that she still let all of that happen to you. It's survival of the fittest in there. You had to do it."

Mina let out a deep breath, "...It still feels like I did something wrong. Or something unnecessary. It feels like I could have gotten through without killing so many innocent people."

Lumina hummed, "It feels that way because you've been told that it's normal for your life. And as you grew older, you started to realize how it wasn't normal, and how fucked up it actually was. But you never really connected it with the idea that what happened to you was fucked up, you ended up telling yourself that what you did was fucked up. You only did what you were trained to in those situations. Your survival instincts were working overtime. It was the exact same for Xander. He also had to kill innocent people. He didn't like doing it but…If he didn't, he could have been killed. I could have been killed. He couldn't risk that. Just like you couldn't risk being killed."

"...And I thought that Kaedan taught me psychology," Mina said, halfheartedly, "But…I guess you're right. It does…Make sense."

"I'm always right," Lumina said and Mina laughed, rolling over on top of her girlfriend to press a soft kiss to her lips. Lumina's arms wrapped around her waist as she rested her head on the brunette's chest.

"...Do you think we'll be alright? This was a close call with the kids…" Mina asked softly.

Lumina sighed as she looked up to the ceiling, "Honestly? I don't know. I…Really hope we'll be alright. I…" She took a deep breath, "I can't believe I'm saying this, and I know we just left but…Damn, I miss my brother."