78- A Moment of Reckoning

The cool, late autumn breeze felt nice as it swirled between them. Quayleigh couldn't bring herself to look at Cole, even as she breathed deep to calm her nerves. As he had said, this was a moment of reckoning, a conversation to lay everything out on the table, to break down the barriers that she had built up between them and see where they landed once the dust settled.

"Good," she replied. "I'm glad you know that." She spoke slow and quiet. "These past few days, they've reminded me of the years I spent with you. When Kyffin asked to see my book, it made my heart ache. Those wounds, I thought healed, they began to bleed all over again." She paused and took a swig of her tea, letting the silence fall between them again. It was a comfortable silence, one that didn't demand a spoken word, but rather to remain as it was until she was prepared to continue. She swallowed and took a breath. "I trusted you with my truth. I told you everything, and you, you didn't judge me or lecture me. I could see you were reeling, but you said you understood. It broke me, to think, to know that I had disappointed you, hurt you, by lying to you since the day we meet. But I thought we were close, close enough that you would find a way to forgive me. Maybe I was wrong though; seeing things the way I wanted them to be, instead of how they were." She sighed and shook her head before turning to look at him. "When I needed you the most, you never showed. I need to know, why didn't you come to Tim's trial?"

Cole wore his anguish clear to see, his eyes wet and shimmering in the pale light of the parking lot lamp. The lines of his face distorting with the pain he felt.

"Oh, cher, I tried. I was relentless in trying to find you. I called the agency and begged them to tell me where you were. They said I not the right kind of family. No blood between us meant I wasn't safe for you to be around. They refused to even let me speak to you, even though they knew you had no one else. Roibeárd wasn't showing up or answering no calls. I plead my case, but they give no leeway. Said being your mentor give me no legal rights. You weren't registered, couldn't get the MET to even look at the case. I wanted to be at your trial, but no one would tell me when or where it was. I tried to get you a lawyer, but we were barred from the courthouse by the agency. They went to a judge, argued that my affiliation with Tim would provide easy access for him to you. I tried everything I could, then I got a no contact restraining order, filed in your name. What more was I supposed to do when you make it clear you didn't want me around?"

Quayleigh shuttered, the sense of betrayal and anger washing over her. "Pile on," she sneered as she shook her head. "I never filed anything against you. I asked my watchdog, Agent Lara Dover, to let me call you. I wanted to explain it to you. Make sure you understood why I couldn't tell you until that night. And she told me that if you wanted to talk to me, you'd call. She said the agency had reached out to you, but you refused to have anything to do with me. She said that I wasn't your family, and I was not your problem. That clearly that's how you felt about me. Family looks out of for family, and I didn't have any. I was fucking devastated and was sent out of state until the trial; to this girl's home where I wasn't even allowed to use the phone unless someone called for me." She stopped and took another drink letting the silence return as Cole wiped his eyes. "Be honest, please, did you want to be there?"

"Yes."

"You weren't angry with me?" Tears flooded into her eyes, tricking down her cheeks as she blinked.

"No, never. I thought you were the one who was angry with me."

"Only because you didn't show up."

"We were played by that fucking agency. But after, when it was over, once everything was made public, why didn't you come to me?"

"I couldn't face you. I didn't know how to ask these questions. I didn't know how to live with the humiliation, pain, regret, embarrassment; shit Cole, there's no end to how fucked up it all made me feel. And I didn't know how to ask you for your help. I was broken. I barely spoke. Barely ate. All I could do was sleep and stare. All I wanted to do was find a safe place to do my ritual, so I could go back to my miserable little life, loving a reaper, and begging him to ask Death to come and get me."

Cole's mug clinked against the railing as they shared a glance between them; one that told her how upset he was over what she had just told him. "I thought they was going to keep you safe, cher. That was their job, to protect you, and now that they knew what you'd been through, I thought they would have made sure you were safe, and not fuck it up again. So, when you run away, and the cops come to my place searching for you, after, and every night for months, I drove around and searched the streets for you. And every phone call, I beg the gods to make it you. But even when you did call, you never say anything to me, why?"

"I only called to hear your voice. I still hadn't found the strength to speak. I missed you, but I couldn't bring myself to see you, or beg for your forgiveness, ask for your help, it was all just too much for me to handle. I was having a shit time coping, and having this conversation," she shook her head, "unfathomable."

"Then Garren, he helped you, and you came in that day, that first time. I wanted to grab you and hold on, and not ever let go; at least not until you promised you'd come back."

"I kind of wish you would have, but I wasn't even sure what I was thinking that day. I really just wanted to see you again, and I wanted you to see me. Even if I couldn't find the strength to speak, I needed you to know that I was alright, that I had landed on my feet. Maybe even tortured your conscience a bit as an added perk. I honestly didn't know how much it was going to hurt to walk out of there that day, but I was thankful that you didn't try to stop me. I wasn't ready to talk and at the same time, I probably never would have left either."

"That would have been okay with me," Cole remarked as he ran his hand back through his hair. "It's still okay with me. If this is too much, too weird or scary or dangerous, you come to me. I'm not going to let anyone keep me from you again. You are not alone anymore, and you never should have been. Fuck that agency. They lied to the both of us. Played us for fools! I may not be blood, but we were family! Everything I did, I did it to protect you. You know that, right?"

"So, it was you, wasn't it?" she replied as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Yes," he stared down at her, the weight of the world falling from his mouth with a single world, and it was as if he expected it to utterly destroy the relationship between them. "Even if you never forgive me; I'm fine with that. As long as you understand why I did it. And know that everything that followed was not how it was supposed to happen. But please, Quays, do not cut me from your life again. Relegate me back to shopkeeper if you must, but do not stop showing up."

"I don't want to punish you, Cole; I want to thank you. I never would have been able to stop him on my own. I knew I would have to sacrifice myself to ensure he never hurt anyone else, because no one had an escape like me," she said, tears welling up as she looked back through the window to see Tau petting Uroxuz, a bright smile plastered across his face. "I had always suspected that you had tipped Oxana off and that was why she came home early that day, but I couldn't ask, and clearly, you were never going to tell me on your own."

"Damn straight I was never going to admit that to you! I destroyed your life, Quays! I knew there'd be no forgiveness for me in that. It didn't matter if you knew or not. When I got the restraining order, I figure you realized the truth and that was why you didn't want me around anymore. You were angry, and rightfully so. But then you showed up; come walking through my door like just another customer, and you lifted that tiny hand of yours, and I knew, this was how it was now. You and me, what we had, what we were, that was the past. What I didn't know, is if you were planning on ever coming back and that was your way of saying goodbye and torturing me for what I'd done, because you knew I'd never move your order from my counter, that it would just sit there, waiting for you to come back, just like me. I didn't know what you knew, but you looked happy, and you made it clear with the wave of your hand that you did not want to talk about it," he explained, paused and sighed. "I didn't deserve a cleared conscience, and it was never my place to bear my soul to you and burden you with what I had done before you was ready to hear it. That day though, I couldn't have been more grateful that you had showed up, but gods, those next 24 hours were a misery. A torture unlike any other, wondering if you'd ever come back. Every time that door opened, and it wasn't you, my heart sank, and the closer it came to closing, it started to break away piece by piece. And I not be complaining, I deserved it. I'd done it to myself, a justifiable reason, but terrible execution. You not ever understand the relief I felt when you came back through that door. Quays. Cher, you've let me back into your life, even at a distance, it means so much to me. And this, these past few days, spending time with you again, thank you. I know, I always be a dirty scoundrel, but I will understand if things have to go back to how they were, now that you know the truth."

"On the contrary Cole, I want us to keep moving forward. Even though there's been a divide between us, I've always trusted you more than almost everyone else. I'm thankful, and I get it. I understand why you called Oxana. I needed you to step in and do what I couldn't. Seeing you here, having you here, it feels like were family again, and it feels like our families growing. I don't want to miss this anymore."

Cole seemed to be struggling to speak as she watched his lip quiver and his brow scrunch, he nodded his head and took a breath, before lifting his head and asking, "I've no right, I know that, but does this mean you be willing to forgive me?"

"Yes Cole. I forgive you. I would have told you sooner if I had known how much you were suffering with this. But it's all out in the open now. At least for me, there's nothing left unsaid, and no unanswered questions. It finally feels like that chapter of life is closed for good. I'm sorry it took this long for me to get here."

"No cher, don't you be sorry," he replied as he wrapped his arm over her shoulder and hugged her to his side. "You didn't need to rush. You still don't. These traumas, they take time to heal. You here now and it's more than I could have ever hoped for."

"Thank you for understanding," she said with a soft smile. She hadn't realized how large the wall was that she had built between them or how heavy the burden of carrying it around had been. She felt lighter and turned back to the railing finishing her tea. "Sunday night, I'm preparing a family dinner at Garren's. I was planning on introducing him to Dylan then, but thanks to the cops, that happened tonight. Might make things a bit less awkward because he was not thrilled about me dating a Kirkwood."

"Wait until he finds out you friends with a second one."

"Yeah, well, do me a favor and keep your mouth shut."

"No worries. I'm not going to march over there and start chatting up your old man."

"Ah, and here I was hoping you'd be the one to keep the conversation going. You do have a special talent for that." Turning towards Cole, he wore a curious expression. "What? I did say it was a family dinner. Look, I know you met Garren in passing when you helped me move, but it's long overdue for the two of you to really have a chance to speak. I expect you to be here at about 6."

"There be no greater honor then to sit at your table, Quayleigh," Cole replied with a bow of his head.

Standing up, she turned and face him.

"Good, and you can bring the drinks," she smirked and stretched. "I do have one more question though, before we head in."

"What's that?'

"Do you think the TCPA ever really tried to reach Roibeárd?"

"After the shit they pulled between us, I have my doubts. You want me to try and find him?"

"I do. If only to find out if he could send me a picture of my father, and to tell me if our assumptions about the agency are true."

"You leave it to me, cher," Cole replied, grabbed her, and hugged her tight as a loud thud, caused Quayleigh to jump and look to the patio door.

"Holy shit," she exclaimed as she clutched her chest and shook her head to the sight of Kyffin's back stuck against the glass of the door.

"Well now, looks like we best get back inside," Cole remarked with a faint chuckle. "Seems like your new friend just met your new pet."