Chapter 11

"I can't go out there Alex," I stay seated in my cramped little corner of the room. The sun has long been down.

He dropped my bag on the floor and came to my side. He got down on one of his knees and grabbed one of my hands I had securely wrapped around my legs.

"I promise you'll be fine. I'll be right next to you the whole time," he squeezes my hand gently, "If anyone so much as looks at you for too long I'll be sure to give them a nice broken jaw."

I grip his hand as he slowly pulls me off the floor. My chest heaves as I fight to catch my breath. God only knew what could be waiting outside for us.

"I'm going to keep you safe, but I can only do that if we leave. Just focus on me," he kept a hold on my hand, and I kept a hold on his. I was probably cutting off his circulation, "Jules, I want you to focus on me. You keep your head down, if you look at anything you look at me."

He reaches for the door knob and I try to back away. He yanks on my arm, wrapping himself around my waist. My heart rate picks up and I swear I'm going to faint.

"Alex, please," I try to push off of him and he just holds me tighter, "I'm scared. What if Robert is still out there? Or worse?"

"Then waiting here will only make it easier for them to get us," he guides me outside, protectively holding me to him, "It's only a few blocks to the bus station and then you won't need to worry. Once we get on that bus, you'll be safe again."

I nod slowly; taking a few steady breathes, I grab hold of his shirt and start counting.

"1... 2... 3... 4..." I focus on putting one foot in front of another, and my counting, "5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10..." My concentration breaks when I feel Alex run his hand up from my waist, accidentally ridding up my shirt. I start counting faster, "11, 12, 13, 14, 15..."

I feel a jerk to the side as Alex pulls me in a rush across the street and into an alley.

He presses me to the wall and puts his finger to his lips. I can feel my body trembling as he holds my arms.

"Alex," my voice shudders as the cold night air nips at my lips.

He covers my mouth and I can feel tears welling. I press my lips tightly together as he removes his hand. As the tears fall he wipes them away.

I hear footsteps running, getting closer. I fight the urge to scream in fear as Alex grips my shoulder and wipes my tears.

The footsteps stop and there's nothing but silence.

I can't breathe.

Alex gets tense, inching closer to me.

I hear stomping, and it grows distant as the person retreats.

After a few terrifying minutes, Alex lets go of me and lets out a sigh. I can't fight it anymore.

I drop the bags I'm holding and crouch on the ground, crying hysterically.

Alex drops with me, gently pulling me to him, "It's alright. He's gone. I promise, he's gone. It's just us. We're almost there."

Between the terror I felt and the cold night air, it was no wonder I was shaking against him as he held me close. Gently he pulled me into the crook of his neck and guided me up the road some more.

"We're here," gently pulling me into a small station with lockers and a ticket booth, he pulls away slightly, "You sit down, I'll get tickets for the first bus we can."

I look around at the few people here; a mother and her two very small children, an older looking business man half asleep reading a newspaper, and a mound under bunches of blankets and jackets.

I sit against the lockers, away from everyone. I clench my jaw and focus on the lights flickering above the door until Alex comes up to me again.

"Where are we going?"

"Oklahoma City, the bus leaves in close to six hours. We can stay here or I can find somewhere to hide you until it's time to get on."

"I can't go back outside. Just please stay close to me, I'm really scared."

He pulls me to an actual seat and rips his jacket off, "You're sweating like crazy, you must be freezing! I promise I won't go anywhere."

I grip his jacket for dear life.

I would never admit it to him or anyone else but over the week or two we've been together on the road, his scent has become a calming agent for me. His smell pierced me, the crisp freshness. It was like the smell of fresh, clean air after a rainstorm. It was subtle but deep, and it gave me peace.

Alex hands me a small picture, it takes a second to realize it's a Springfield post card. I look up in confusion.

"You can't tell your mom where you are or where you're going but I figured you could tell her where you've been. I thought maybe one of the stops on the bus we can mail it out if we can."

I smile shyly. I almost felt bad, all the things he's doing for me: the phone, art supplies, books, I felt I was taking advantage of him.

"You can write something on the bus, for now try and rest. It isn't a super long trip but you need some rest."

"This place creeps me out, I just want to be far away from here."

He stays stiff and silent as he sits next to me and pulls me against him. I feel his hand grip my upper arm, never letting up.

I watch the clock, the minutes tick by slowly and painfully. Ten minutes, twenty, an hour; I can't take it much longer, let alone five more hours.

"Alex, you're hurting my arm," I look up and while his grip is firm, he's fast asleep, "Alex?"

Slowly I reach into my bag for my iPod, barely moving my arms I still set Alex off.

He jerks forward tightening his grip and yanking me closer. His breathing speeds up as he holds me and looks around, not realizing that he's crushing me.

"Alex," I plead, "Please let go, you're hurting me."

He lets go instantly and takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry, are you alright?"

"I think so, I just wanted my music," I chuckle but his face remains covered in concern and guilt, "I'm alright, I promise."

He clutches his fist and stands up, "I need some fresh air, I'm going to walk around. Do you want to stay here?"

"Alex please don't leave."

"Jules, I'm dying here. I just need some fresh air. I don't want to keep waking up and squeezing the life out of you because I'm tense. Why don't you come with? I'll still be with you to protect you and we both can get some air."

I pull his jacket tighter, "Just for a few minutes?"

He nods and helps me up. I stick to his side as he walks towards the door of the station. The sounds of footsteps chasing us echos in my head. I keep telling myself that soon we'll be safe again, he'll protect me, but I can't shake the fear. The terror builds into an intense nausea like the night I went out with Robert.

He swings the door open and the fresh, cool air feels like a gentle burst of reassurance. I smell grass, and wet asphalt. The cool, crisp air wakes me up while the warm, ghostly touch of Alex's hand on me keeps me calm.

Everything is going to be ok.

We walk around the small building and into the patch of grass near by. I feel him relax next to me when the grass brushes our legs.

He looks so tired.

I reach out and wrap my arms around his neck, he stiffened in surprise against me. It took a moment before he relaxed and returned the hug.

"Thank you Alex," I pulled back, suddenly nervous, "For everything. Protecting me, getting me stuff, uh, it... It really means a lot."

He smiles, "I got you into this, and lets face it, you certainly have made this whole journey very interesting."

I look down, embarrassed. By "interesting" I'm sure he means insanely stressful.

Peeking up, I see him smiling down at me and while the smile seems genuine his face is riddled with worry and exhaustion.

"Do you want to keep walking or should we head back?" I run my sweaty palms down the sides of my pants.

He looks back at the building and cringes, "It smells weird in there, if it's cool with you I'd rather walk."

I nod and bite the inside of my cheek as we continue over the grassy area and over to the road. It's so silent for a city road, or a road leading into a city. The streets are almost never this quiet back home, it was almost an uncomfortable silence.

We've been walking, not a word between us, for about ten minutes when my nose starts running from the cold.

"Do you think my parents even noticed me gone? I almost never see them or speak to them," Alex's voice shakes ever so slightly. Whether from the cold or the sadness of what he says, I'm not sure, "I wish I could know what they were thinking."

"Alex... Your parents, they love you," I don't know what to tell him, it's odd seeing this side of him, "You're their son. And yeah they're always super busy but it's to give you a good life, they probably can't stop thinking about you."

"That's easy for you to think, your mom was waiting by the phone hoping to hear from you. She does everything possible to give you a good life, talk to you, know your hobbies. My parents and I haven't had the chance to talk since my grandparents' funerals."

I reach my hand out for his, I understand what he's going through. The feeling of being alone in the worst ways. It took me until now to realize just how similar we are, we're both afraid to open up, we're both alone, we have each other.

"Alex, I can tell you right now, don't dwell on it. Thinking like this for too long will only make it hurt more, and make it harder to fix later. Let's just take things one day at a time, there's no point dwelling when we're too far away to fix anything."

He squeezes my hand. While we walk he keeps a hold on my hand and keeps looking over at me clearly worried. Alex has never had friends, or a real girlfriend. Part of me wonders if he expects everyone to leave at some point, part of me warms at the idea that maybe... Just maybe he's afraid I'll disappear too.

What started as a small walk around the block stretched into an almost hour long stroll before we turned around, not realizing we were out that long.

The building feels warm compared to outside but still remains silent and motionless.

Alex slumps into a seat near our stuff and I take the seat next to him. He's already half asleep as he suddenly rests his head on my shoulder and starts snoring quietly.

Feeling a little unnerved I try to count myself to sleep.

"1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6..."

He's warm. His weight is soothing. I feel a release and the weight of fear, depression, and anxiety lift from me. I let go.