My unperfected life

My whole life I have dreamed of being normal. When normal is impossible for me. I am Amelia Jane Gray and I have 24 mental illnesses consisting of; Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Ring of fire ADHD, bipolar disorder, anorexia nervosa,PTSD,schizophrenia,Panic disorder, psychosis,borderline personality disorder, dissociative disorder,schizoaffective disorder, body dysmorphic disorder,dysthymia, cyclothymia,somatic symptom disorder, and binge eating disorder, the list goes on. I have never seen the outside of this mental hospital where I have lived since I was 7 because my parents couldn't handle me. This place is like prison, uniforms, inedible food, locked in a room, and limited social time, so I can only see my therapist, Julianne. She listens to my issues and forced me to get a brain scan, that's how it all began. My therapist noticed something was wrong and I had many mental illnesses so she told my parents she would pay for my neuroimaging, that required me to stay in the hospital for seven days where they put me in a machine and I couldn't close my eyes, they took a half a gallon of my blood each day and gave me tests before and so much more. A few days after I was sent home, we got the results in the mail, my mom opened it as I could see her legs shaking and her having trouble breathing. She gently opened the envelope and there was a whole list of mental illnesses which are a chemical imbalance in your brain. She grabbed me, pulled me in, and started sobbing telling me" honey, it will be ok". Little did I know that night she was really finding mental hospitals. The next day, she sent me away, a seven year old girl, alone,scared, taking 17 pills of xanax. The moment I got there, I felt the most love and hate, well the hate was from myself. The nurse came, took my bags, and escorted me into my "cell". Group was terrible and I could feel the judgment pointed at me, so I ran out and went back to my room and played with my fidget toy. Moments later, I couldn't breathe, I was crying, and screaming, the nurses rushed in and asked what's wrong! Under my breath I responded with " I-I- can't breathe, the nurses were very comforting and told me I was having a panic attack and held me til I could breathe again. That night, I got a visit from who you might be wondering, well it was my father telling me how much he messed up as a parent and how he wanted to get me out but my mom said no. We talked for 30 minutes and then the nurse escorted him away as tears rolled down my face. Why did God make me this way I wonder and why did he make me this way? Am I a mistake I asked myself before bed.