The Change I Never Wanted

Dim were the cloudy skies, there were no stars and the moon hid its face in the shadows. The only lights that lit the streets were those of the residential buildings and great houses. It was a rather chilly evening, the winds began to dance through the humble subdivision. It brought along with it the scent of the pine trees covered in crystalized suspended water that finally descended from up so high and the familiar pungency of the mountains. Families were cuddled together in their living room facing their makeshift modern and cleaner fireplaces, as seen from their not so curtain-covered windows. It was meant to be a time where people get the chance to mingle with each other more than their usual short greetings and such. However, as similar human lives are to snowflakes there will really be those kinds of families that live together in a closed area but live rather distant and cold to each other.

"Ariana, stop skimming through those pages, and come here this instant!"

Her voice echoed through their rather empty house. Linda, her mother was not the impatient type of person. She would rather wait and plan her reactions before executing them out. Her patience and tolerance to pain were what those who knew her admired so much about her. Sadly, with the course that their lives are now in, she had to carry every bit of responsibility with her quite frail physique.

"Yes, I'm coming."

Why can't you just chill like the wind around us? She spoke as quiet as she could under her breath.

Ariana saw her mom in their kitchen counter preparing a warm meal. She fixed their plates and scrunched her usually perfect arched brows. It was one of the rare days that her mom could cook up a fine meal for both of them. Usually, it would just be processed food from the groceries stacked in their refrigerator, or a ready-made meal just waiting to be reheated. She would just sit all alone in their once bustling with decoration table and wash the dishes afterward. Waiting for her mom was out of the question since Linda would arrive later than her usual work time. What they had back then was better, and Ariana couldn't wish for something more than just having their little bundle of happiness back to her world.

I miss my rest from this cruel world.

"How's the food? Does it taste weird? I mean I made sure to cook the potatoes properly. I even salted them a little."

"It's fine. Like really, you don't need to be stressed about it."

And after that, silence.

It used to be slightly fine, a few months before. They could still sit down on the same table every breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even those tiny breaks. She could still talk about her drab school life- the repetitive classes, weird instructors, and her equally puzzling classmates. They would share whatever they experienced the day and feel about it. It was what they had left, it was a reminder of their usual habit and the strength of their bond as a family.

Being an only child sucks in some ways. I mean it's good cause I got all of their love and attention all for myself. But, I don't like it now, it feels like I'm sucked to nothingness living in this void.

A year ago, everything was perfect. The family was complete. Henry, Ariana's father, came home every day and discussed everything and anything they could think of. He was a curious and able person by nature, a characteristic Ariana inherited. He would sit with them in their huge sofa in front of their fireplace- his wife beside him and her daughter sitting on his crossed legs. Reading the stories that seem too familiar to him was Ariana's lullaby. She would unknowingly sleep on her parents' laps and wake up in her bedroom the next. It went on until she started going to school. Her mother and father returned to their jobs and lived a busier life.

"I'm going to wash the dishes. You can wash up and rest now," Ariana said as she took them one by one from the table to their sink.

"Thanks, Yana, I'll get going now." Linda walked to the stairs and climbed up to her room.

Henry, a Quantum Physicist always believed in Stephen Hawking's multiverse theory and those alike. Like all the strict scientists, he wouldn't acknowledge anything metaphysical or something that is only philosophical. He never believed in such words as "reincarnation" or even "transmigration". Although parallel universes piqued his interest, he never overstepped the logical reason of science over the infinite wonders of philosophical theories. But all of this changed, when he stumbled upon an old account he chose to forget a few years ago in his early twenties. And from then on, everything went downhill for those who lived around him.

"What's so important for you to neglect your kid when she's struggling with her academics huh Henry?!"

"You will never understand any of it Linda." He replied calmly.

"Then when will you let me?! When will you let us understand? You won't even let me know what you're up to recently!"

"It's something I can't tell you. It's something I want to keep a secret. It's not meant to do harm on any of us. I expect you to trust me Linda, so please trust me!" Henry held her shoulders for her to calm down.

"Never mind. Do whatever you find fit. Just don't ignore Yana when she approaches you and when she needs you."

Ariana was outside their house sitting and spying on her parents' fighting. It had been like this recently. They fought almost every time they had a misunderstanding until it all boiled down to divorce. While the adults fought like children, the child in their family decided to close off everything else in her life. She grew lonely and found solace in the books she had stumbled upon. She craved to be like them. She wanted everything to change.

I never meant to disturb him. I never wanted her to think I lacked attention. I am fine. I was fine.

------

The next morning, Ariana woke up first and decided to make a toast. She fried some eggs the way Linda liked it- warm and runny. Her mom got down fresh from her bath wearing her robes and began to fix their table. Everything smelled like freshly-powdered coffee that was brewed to an earthy, musty, and a tad bit like the old books they had in their mini-study. They began eating, and Linda was the first person to break the ice.

"Yana?"

She asked with a soft and caring voice that seems to know one's trouble and try to make an effort to comfort someone. However, Ariana knew it meant something else. Something that they don't usually do anymore. Something about trying to open up and express oneself. She sighed and stopped munching on her buttery toast dipped in milk.

"Darling, mind telling me what you're reading in your phone?" Linda added. She watched her daughter's reaction and smiled as she had hit a positive topic.

Although Ariana used to be like her father a lot, she started to resemble her mother's character more. She had Henry's face, the same glistening, and curious eyes, the same dimple on their cheeks whenever they give that loose laugh, and their sharp nose. Ariana was really the carbon copy of her father, except for her hair and eye color, and her slightly petite structure, which was obviously shorter for the Caucasian race. But now, she became like Linda, more analytical, less trustful, and quieter.

"I've been reading stories about otherworldly or reincarnation stories these days. A random girl would suddenly wake up in another person's body and live in that person's body until she dies." Ariana answered after dipping her second toast. "The person they wake up to be as would usually be a villainess, mother."

"A villainess?" Linda asked as she hoped their talk would last longer.

"A villainess. They are the protagonist's rival character or an obstacle in what they would want. I'm currently reading a story about a girl transferring to different universes and completing missions in each universe before she moves to another universe and completes more missions there." Ariana blabbed and chuckled.

"Do you even understand what I mean, mother? It sounds so stupid, but I swear, it makes sense."

Linda although obviously confused tried to understand her daughter's recovered obsession. After Henry left she stopped reading, she never entered their study again. Ariana would often keep herself occupied in her room solving her Math homework. Linda is a language professor, and although she learned about Mathematics in her younger years, she never really liked it, unlike Henry.

She was starting to get worried and opted for counseling on how to deal with her daughter. At first, it made Ariana feel like invaded. Luckily, after a few weeks, Ariana seems to have brushed the stiffening feeling she had whenever Linda offered to do something with her, for her, and from her. Few weeks passed, Ariana got used to the books her mom bought for her and brought to her room. Linda, still not confident about her daughter's progress talked to her about everything. After that, she became more distant for a while, but what surprised Linda was that she went inside their study for the first time and brought out the last stack of books Henry prepared for her with some additional books.

"Okay, tell me more about those stories."

The day passed by quite awkwardly, that was the second time that her mother dined with her three times a row. During their lunch, her mother pried more about the stories that were on her phone, including where they came from and how the stories developed.

She leaned on her walls the moment she got in and closed her door. The window gathered a thin layer of snowflakes stuck on the surface of the glass. Despite the window being slightly heavier than the usual sliding windows, she lifted it up and let the chill enter her room. Turning off her lamp, she proceeded to the sofa in front of her window and folded her knees to her chest, as she closed her eyes. She realized some things.

I was just a kid back then. I never knew why they had to let each other go. I miss my old self. I miss mom. I miss dad.

A tear just escaped her eye, as if it was a tiny bit of her now composed self trying to recover her once lost radiance. Due to this untimely chaos inside her head, she walked to their study one more time. The one stack of books she once took from this place that she returned was still unopened. It gathered a bit of dust, but it was still fine. It still held something good inside it, it still held wonder when picked up, just like her. Left on the side, barely noticed, doing everything as if she was a programmed robot, and now picked up shockingly by her mother.

Henry would always buy books, and stack it to their study. He was sort of messy with his other stuff, but not with books, it would always be in two major sides-the the read ones and unread. Some parts of the read section would be empty until three of them spend time and read and just read until they fill a new line. The unread section, on the other hand, would always run out of space. But before Henry left, he put down a stack tied with a ribbon that was left for Yana only. She wanted to read it, but she found those stories on her phone more interesting. It was like that every time cause she can make a masked identity which she's very good at and have fun conversing with them.

I think I can read a book from this stack later.

What's so special about this genre anyways?

Did dad write these himself?

I don't think so…

Anyways, off to my room then.

The moment she returned to her room, Linda got in, and gave her a peck on her forehead and said goodnight.

Great...just great. More events to think about.

She did not sleep on her large empty bed. Their house was neither too big to call it a palace, nor was it the size of a mansion; it was just fine as it was for them not so long ago. It was now too big for just the two of them. Two stories, in a not so small estate lot. Other houses were bustling with people as seen from her window, unlike their lonely house.

Is this still home? It feels more like a house.

Ariana opened the first book after closing her windows. Sadly, she did not get the chance to even read the first words of it as the atmosphere around her called her to sleep. She was now lying curled up on her sofa, breathing slowly, as she was called to the deep. Darker and deeper her thoughts became, the pain of her father leaving, his car on their huge door, with his luggage, and her mom crying in her parents' room. The air around her became heavier as her breathing became faster, she felt as if her monstrous memories were on loose. She couldn't escape it, she begged and begged in her mind to let it rest, and rest they all did.

-----

This isn't my bed. I know my bed, I know how my blanket warms me and lulls me to sleep. I know how I wear my blanket. I know that I wore a shirt and pajamas to sleep. I know what it feels like to sleep with those.

What in the world am I wearing?

Carefully, I opened my eyes and observed my surroundings. The place was very foreign to me. Everything there was different. The blanket, the bed, the format— it was as if I suddenly woke up into a Victorian styled bedroom. I glanced around and tried to get out of a very comfortable bed. It was then and there that I realized. My hands and feet were small. It looked too small to my liking. This... isn't my body. I'm a full-grown fifteen-year-old. I know I have small hands, but it wasn't this small. My feet weren't this short, and surely, my hair wasn't like this.

What, who, and where in the world am I?

I tried many times to pinch my cheeks or my unusually small arms, but nothing changed. I was still in my weird small body, stuck to a huge soft bed that seems to want to swallow me whole. I tried to utter a sound but I didn't know what form of language came out of my mouth.

"Halp! Halp! Stuck! Ahhhhrgh!"

Suddenly, someone looking like a maid in her early twenties came rushing to me and carried me out of my crib-like bed. She let me sit on her arms as she lulled me and patted my back.

Mom? If this person is you and you're just doing an extra effort to bring us back to what we had in the past thank you. I missed you...I really did.

"Ma..is you."

"I'm not your mother young lady. It is I, Jeanne, your nanna. Nanna's here for you. I will never leave. So you don't need to cry."

Cry? Huh? Jeanne? What does she mean? Not my mom? She will never leave? I wanted to say "miss".

After a short while, I realized, I did cry and some of my snot was on her sleeves. This is very embarrassing.

Am I still dreaming? I was drowning in my thoughts last night. I cried before I slept. I haven't done that in a long time. What's happening around me? Where on earth am I?

Jeanne the so-called "nanna" dressed me up. I was red the whole time, cause I was naked in front of a woman.

"Young miss, what's wrong? Is something bothering you? Are you well?" She checked me up but I was fine.

I was dressed in baby clothing and faced myself in the mirror for the first time. She held me up and carried me as we got out of a gigantic room that was "mine".

It was in the afternoon, and the sun was setting in a pinkish and purplish hue. The flowers in the garden she was walking by were lively, but by the end of it, even the leaves of the bushes were dying and some of them dried up on the ground. Everyone looked at me with disdainful eyes. I had goosebumps and clung unto Jeanne's upper garment and she seems to have noticed as she carried me closer to her and hugged me with her other arm. We went to the pantry, and it smelt of freshly baked strawberry tarts and the tea was minty and fresh. Jeanne got me some tarts and we went straight to my room which was far from the main huge building.

"It's okay young miss, we will be fine. Just enjoy your sweets, and we'll play later."

I just did whatever she made me do, the thought of this world being a fake still stuck in my mind. We played and had fun, and I never felt this happy for a while. When it was finally dark, I was put to my bed and was forced to sleep. She sang to me a lullaby that I think was very familiar but at the same time too new for me. I was still focused on wanting to get out of this world that I did not know about. But if this is a dream or my now weird reality like the books I have been reading then I want to know about it fast.

Am I just a normal character sent to another world? Dad said reincarnations are just rubbish kinds of stuff that philosophers keep on mentioning. It was meant to fill the gaps that "de javus" create. If it is so then am I like the female villains that I read on my phone? Am I supposed to be cursed? Am I gonna die a cruel fate? What story did I wake up in now? None of the stories I read had red and silver hair altogether. Whatever, I'm too tired. I'll try to sort this out, and I will live this life if I have no other choice. If I'm a person born in this world to just be a normal person, nothing more and nothing less, I'd just live this till I die. And when I do die, maybe I can come back to my old self, in my old room, and in my own world.

"So you have decided." A tall and long silver-haired figure surrounded by a peaceful white light was inside her room just before she finally gave in to the tiredness she felt and closed her eyes.