What am I Supposed to Do?

Why? That is a question I ask myself often. I never know the answer. I don't know why I do things, why I think things, or why people can't just help me. I feel like I'm off my rocker and just plain insane. I feel like a stalker, just watching him from accross the room. I caught him looking at me a couple of times, and his feet was pointed in my direction. By the way, when you want to know what someone is paying attention to, just look at their feet and it will be pointing to whatever or whoever that person is paying their attention to. Feet don't lie. That's what I was told. I just wish I could know why. Why does he act a certain way? Why did he love me? Why did he say he didn't need the paper I gave him to help find me in the future? Why did he not seem hurt or mad when he gave it back to me? Why is he always so nice to me? Why is he so honest a d loyal and perfect? Well, not perfect, but close to it. He doesn't even try. He's just being himself, yet that only makes me love him more. But why? I don't know. Hearts are earned, not just given. How did he earn mine? Why can't any other guy make me feel the way he makes me feel? Why does he seem to understand what I want from a guy? Or is it that we seem to be made for each other? But then, why can't we be together now? Why can't I apologize properly? Why am I such a mess around him? Does he not want me around? If so, why? Does he still want me to wait for him despite the likeliness of us seeing each other again is extremely low? Is he scared to lose me too? Why not tell me strait forward? I can't read his mind even though it seems like he can read mine. What we need is communication and trust, but why can't we have it? Why can't I just trust that he has it under control. This is probably where self love comes in. I have to trust that he still wants me later on, but to do that I have to love myself and believe that another person could love me the way I love them. I have to trust him and myself. This is a constant cycle in my mind. It doesn't always end well and sometimes I end up writing letters to him that I don't always give him. I constantly live in fear of losing the one person who has made me the happiest. The one person I love most. The one person I want to spend my life with and have little fun moments with. That person, is the one I have been looking for. I want no one else. Why? Who knows.