I wish it were a dream

I sat in front of the doctor with Alex beside my side. My heart pounded so hard I felt like it would jump out of my chest. My feet tapped the ground at a fast pace showing how nervous I was. How could I not be?

My daughter fainted out of nowhere, and she bled through her nose. It wasn't just a trail; it leaked vigorously. Was she sick this whole time, but I merely passed it off as something that will pass? Now that I think about it: Mia had been losing weight more than she should, been sleeping more than she would usually do, and was often tired. I felt guilty at my foolish thought thinking it was fine for Mia to feel tired and to sleep a lot. I forgot that my Mia was not like other children. She loved to be active, eat a lot and be productive in her time than to sleep the entire day.

I cupped my face in my hands. I didn't want to hear whatever the doctor had to say. In my heart, I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it was not a nerve-wracking issue. Alex held my hand and squeezed it in reassurance.

I felt myself calm down. That's right. I am not alone in this. Alex, along with me, is also worried about Mia. I stopped my fidgeting leg and looked at the doctor in the eye. Whatever he had to say, I would try not to panic or break down. Add to the fact; what is to say that it would be a grave issue to address.

I regret jinxing it. The words that left the doctor's lips made me go pale. My body shook uncontrollably, and I could hear the increasing beat of my heart. Droplets of liquid fell down my cheek. Alex tightened his hold on my hand. His face held anguish.

He felt what I felt. I didn't want to stay in this office that smelled of 409 anymore and hurriedly left. Alex stayed to get more information about it, one I didn't want to hear.

I closed the door behind me. When a bystander passed me and looked at me with pity, I quickly wiped away my tears. I exhaled and inhaled. I needed to have strength for Mia. I didn't want her to see me in this sorry state, and knowing her, she would ask, what was the problem.

I walked through the hallway, passing doors and people. I stopped in front of the door where Mia was inside. My feet stayed rooted on the spot. I felt my arm shaking so much I had to hold it tight with my other hand.

I slowly opened the door and noticed that the room was white. There was a window, a couch, a chair, and a bed. On that bed was a small girl sleeping soundly. I stayed near the door and stared at Mia. The more I looked at her, the more I remember what the doctor said, and the more I felt like breaking down.

Why did this happen to my girl? Why is this happening to me? Can I never have a stress-free life? Is it not enough that I am mocked and ridiculed by the media, my family and not too long ago at work?

I took one step forward and then one step backwards. I needed to be alone with my thoughts and think. I didn't want to see Mia right now and have to break the news to her. I quickly opened the door and ran out of the room, passing Alex by.

***

Alex watched as Sasha left the room. He wanted to run after her but knew she wanted to be alone for now. Right now, Alex would look after Mia in her absence. He clenched his fists in frustration. Alex felt so powerless that he could do nothing for Mia and her in this situation. All he could do was give them his everlasting support during this terrible time.

***

I ran out of the hospital and into the streets. I bumped into multiple people in the way, but I didn't care. I needed somewhere to breathe, to think what to do about this. I ran absentmindedly and found myself in the park. The Park was where I would take Mia when she was feeling sad.

I flopped on the bench and bowed my head. My mind was blank for a long time.

"This has to be a dream," I mumbled, deluding myself.

I unconsciously tried to make myself believe that I was dreaming and would soon wake up. Though, deep down, I knew that I must not lie to myself. That is my reality, and as Sarah would say, I should face it. As tears began falling, so did the rain. It seems that the sky was crying along with me. I stood up and walked the streets like a zombie. I must have stayed sitting on the bench for a long time because there were few bystanders. The rain was a lot, and I could hardly see in front of me.

I felt miserable, was soaked to the bone, and my sight was practically clouded.

This day turned upside down completely. I crossed the road without properly paying attention to the robot. I could hardly see through this rain after all. The moment I turned my head, a blinding light caused my eyes to shut.

A car was about to bump me! I felt like this would be the end. The problem is I don't want to die now. I have Mia, who needs her mom, and I have things to accomplish. Am I going to die in this rain? I even tripped and fell on my knees.

Luckily, the car stopped a few inches in front of my face. My heart shook violently. I couldn't hold it anymore and broke down out of the pure shock that I almost died because of my recklessness. I heard the door open and the sound of walking footsteps my way. I didn't lift my head and remained crying. I wanted time to reverse when Mia was healthy and fine. I don't want to face reality.

I flinched when warm arms wrapped around me.

"It's going to be okay," he said. The voice sounded familiar and somehow reassuring. I unconsciously relaxed my tensed body.

This warm scent reminded me of someone familiar who made me feel safe and secure. Unexpectedly I broke down in front of this stranger who almost ran me over but didn't. I wept like never before. I held on to the person who reminded me of him.

I am drenched.

I feel miserable.

My world felt like it was upside down.

I almost died.

I thought being abandoned by my family was the worst day of my life, but I was wrong. The worst day of my life was when I heard from the doctor's lips that Mia had leukaemia.

***

Sorry for taking long to update. Tests, homework and projects had made me busy.