You can visit again

I watched with confusion and discomfort as Mia and Miguel talked, immersed in their conversation. I honestly thought that Miguel would not come into my life again but, I guess I was wrong.

"What is your job, Silver?" asked Mia. Silver was the new nickname she gave to Miguel because of his eyes. How far-fetched, though.

I turned towards Miguel wanting to hear his answer. He never truly gave me specifics of his job, but I assume he is rich. Miguel does not drive an expensive car or wear expensive clothing, but the way he exudes himself and his features make his clothes LOOK costly.

Miguel smiled at the question and replied, "I run a business."

He didn't elaborate.

Mia opened her mouth to ask elaboration but then stopped when Miguel lifted the bag in her sight. Her eyes sparkled, forming what looked like stars.

"I got you something. Want to see?" Miguel teased. Mia responded with a hurried nod. Miguel glanced at me, and I was a bit startled and nervous (Silly me).

"May I give the present to her, if you don't mind?" he asked politely.

Miguel politely speaking to me made me feel weird a bit, but I just brushed it off.

"Oh, um, sure," I replied.

Miguel turned back to Mia and gave her the bag. Mia opened the bag and squealed at the sight of a thick book. It said in bold, How to fit in and understand people better."

I widened my eyes at the book. "Oh..."I trailed but stopped.

"It is natural for a gifted child to struggle socially. I'm sure Mia wants to fit in with the kids around her as best as possible. Don't you want to stand out not too much or not be looked at strangely whenever you act differently from the kids and smarter than an adult? This book will teach you that, but will also give you facts on still not changing who you are to make people feel comfortable around you." Miguel explained in a melancholy tone.

Mia was silent and just stared at Miguel in awe. "Thank you. I will read this book and treasure it," she breathed.

I didn't think that Miguel would think thoughtfully of what gift he should give Mia. I thought he would give her a toy, an instrument, or an ordinary book. My heart thumped in my chest.

After his visit, I followed Miguel out of the hospital building. Our walk was silent. It made me feel awkward and stiff.

I looked at Miguel from the corner of my eyes. He was looking straight ahead with an unreadable expression. Miguel still seems as weird as ever. He always smiled at me, even at times that he shouldn't.

I wondered in my head if all his smiles were fake because they never quite reached his eyes. The emotion in his silver eyes never changed now that I think about it. Maybe that is why when he does not smile, it makes him have an unreadable expression. I wonder why he left and came back after four years.

In my heart buried deep inside, I hoped he would have an exceptionally good reason why he left. Now that he is back, I don't know what to think or feel. I am no longer the old nineteen-year-old me who had feelings for him. I am a mature and independent woman who is a mom trying to raise her child correctly. Whatever feelings I had was diminished, forcibly, if I may add. I had enough of men that would last me a lifetime. Being around Miguel keeps me on edge, and I become stupidly nervous. I think I have come to terms with his sudden departure, but somehow my heart still aches to my displeasure.

I got jolted from my thoughts when Miguel turned his head, met my eyes, and smiled. Miguel stopped walking, and so did I. He turned his body to face me.

"Do you want me to stop visiting, Mia?" he asked frankly. I furrowed my brow in response.

"Mia likes you, so you can-"

"Let me speak more clearly. Do YOU want me to stop visiting, Mia? You still seem uncomfortable with having me around. Can you please tell me honestly if you want me to see her...you?"

I felt my heartbeats increase by the last word but ignored it. I crossed my arms and shot back, "Well, speaking the truth, maybe I don't want you to visit after all. I don't want my daughter to feel attached to you; I DON'T want to be attached, only for you to be gone for who knows how long and make me feel abandoned!"

I felt heat on my face after my outburst. I hadn't meant to raise my voice or say the last part. I probably would have blurted this at Miguel's home if I wasn't in my dazed state.

Nurses and visitors glanced at us for a moment before getting back to their business. Miguel blinked at me with a brief pause and opened his mouth.

He spoke slowly, "It seems that you don't entirely want me back and, if you do, you would prefer me to stay away from you. I understand clearly. Consider this my last visit then."

Miguel's eyes seemed to shake with distress but disappeared as quickly as they came. He was about to turn and leave just like that.

I felt guilt bubble in me. I still had resentment of the feeling of abandonment Miguel gave me when I thought I would never feel that way again after Leo and my father. I hated that I fell in love furthermore only to feel crushed once again.

He helped me, after all, no matter his reason, and he is trying to help me now. Maybe it is time to let the past be the past and truly forgive him.

"Wait!" I called out.

Miguel turned around to look at me with a blank expression.

"Mia will miss her Silver if he does not come back...and so will I."

A smile tugged at the corner of Miguel's lips. "Thank you."