Oh, That Way Madness Lies

The herald signaled the return of Durai into the borders of Courtside, and Althea's mind and heart didn't quite know what to feel. She missed him to terribly this week he had been away with no letters or word from him, and she was relieved as well that he was returning safely from wherever he had been to. Over and over in the dark at night she heard Mireya's words echo even deep into her dreams: "I swear, Althea, I sent him nowhere."

Whatever drove him to leave and lie about it haunted her and caused the blood within her veins to run cold with panic. Was love so fragile as to break so easily? Maybe it was in the life away from fairy tales. What would she know, she was just a simple village girl.

When the herald's words reached the hall where the three of them sat, both Baldrik and Mireya tried secretly to look at Althea and gauge her state of mind; their tactics failed miserably. Althea could feel herself on the stage before them. They had both guessed that something must have happened, but Althea wouldn't talk about it. She just continued with her work diligently and even secluded herself amongst her suite of rooms and took some meals there alone. She was far too emotionally exhausted to put up the brave face for every moment of the day. To that extent, she went against her normal, social nature and was very distant.

The doors to the hall opened, and the three souls within found themselves holding their breath to see what had happened to Durai. Althea even closed her eyes somewhat as if her eyelids would hide or her make the tenseness disappear from the moment.

But Durai didn't come in the door. It was his guard, the one Althea had saved so long ago it seemed. He passed Althea trying hard to avoid a glance and went straight to the Queen and bowed. "Your Majesty, Durai reports his return but regrets his fatigue will keep him confined to his rooms tonight."

"Very well," Mireya said looking more at Althea than the guard. She dismissed him absently with a gesture. Mireya wanted so much to go to her sister, but just looking at Althea made her worry that this fragile, porcelain doll would break at a touch.

The guard walked past Althea as he departed and couldn't keep from looking at her. Althea tried to have a neutral face, but the expression she saw in the man took her by surprise. What was that look? It wasn't quite disdain, it wasn't quite disgust, it wasn't quite pity…whatever was she seeing in his eyes that he couldn't lock away?

The room was silent and still upon the guard's departure and the door to the hall closing. Finally Althea looked up with the weight of indescribable despair in her eyes to her friends, her family. She didn't need to say out loud what was compelling her feet to walk out of the room in silence; Baldrik and Mireya understood without explanation her need to leave and be alone and free to feel the impact of the scene she was just a part of.

...…

Althea lay asleep in her bed as the glow of the moon danced across her face between passing clouds. Each passing of the silver light showed the stain of tears dried upon her cheeks and her face swollen from hours of crying. Durai watched her sleep for a long time, still so awestruck of how beautiful she was, even now.

But she would have to learn.

Althea felt the presence of Durai in the room after some time and slowly opened her eyes that strained against the movements. She saw him and froze not knowing what she should do. What action was right here? How could she know what to do when her own heart didn't know what to think?

Durai finally broke the silence with the neutral declaration, "I'm back." Althea braced herself hard against the tone of his voice. It had no music, no affection, and she felt like she had been slapped.

Finally, Althea pulled enough strength to speak. "Where were you? Mireya didn't send you on any mission." She fully expected then to see remorse on his face for his deception, but he was as unchanging as the face of the mountain. And this hurt her even more. "You lied to me, Durai."

"Does that distress you?" he asked still aggravatingly even and calm.

"You're good and damn right it distressed me!" She wanted to strike him then, and she had never wanted to strike anyone in all her life. "How could you do that? How could you make me worry so much? Why would you do such a thing?!" She was breathless as she asked these things terrified not so much of the answer, but more dismayed at her anger. It made her feel so far away from all that she was. The very nature of a Healer and who she was as her mother's daughter kept her closer to love and farther from negative anger. It was how she had existed her whole life.

Up until now.

Durai saw everything he had done to her play before his eyes, and he began to sink slightly at her words. Then he looked at her with pain and hurt. "You know then. You know how I had felt that night. Waiting here without a word, without a sign that you cared about me. You know now how I felt as you lied."

Althea shook her head in disgusted confusion as if she tasted something putrid in her mouth. "I lied?"

"You broke your word to me that you would come to me. Is not breaking your word not the same as a lie?"

Althea's boiling blood stopped dead within her remembering his words that night and remembering the pain in his eyes. It was the same pain he was feeling now. "But this is not the same…" she tried to explain as much to herself as to him.

"No," he said, "yours was worse. You were the first to break the trust between us. I was ready to hand over my very soul to you, and I found out that night I didn't even warrant an afterthought from you. Am I just a play-thing to you? Are my feelings so paltry?" Durai started to bring the tears from his eyes if not from his heart.

Althea heard his words and saw his hurt. And like the sun pushing through thick clouds, all her loving heart came to her and whispered all his words back to her. She had sworn not to do harm, and to the man she loved, she had done the most dreadful harm of all. She was overcome with the grief of knowing how she had broken the heart who held her own.

She got out of bed and dropped to her knees before his feet, just as he had done before. "I am so sorry," she whimpered through her sorrow and remorse.

"You know now, then?" His voice was deep and daunting, no music in it at all, and she feared no forgiveness either.

"Yes," she squeaked like a small child before her disapproving parent.

"And?" He asked.

He wanted more? What more could she give him? But as she looked up into the face of the man she adored more than she loved herself, she realized that there was always something more she could give him, more she would give him.

"I will do anything to make it up to you." She didn't know how she had any tears left, but they managed to find themselves flowing from her eyes. Durai caressed her face from his tall stance. This small gesture of affection so relieved Althea that she breathed out a small sob she had been holding back. Durai still stood before her and caressed the top of her head. "I love you," she said in gratitude that he had made some show of forgiveness.

"Of course you do."