God Knows When We Shall Meet Again

Althea waited for the cover of darkness on a night without a moon to leave. She had effectively sealed herself away in her room alone that night dodging Durai's advances more skillfully than she had thought she could. She glided through her room collecting the packs she had hidden away. She had very carefully gathered many supplies, packed away salves and medical necessities, chose food and tools to give her the best chance of surviving in the wild away from anyone and everyone.

The week that passed from her dream to her departure had been one of silent resolve. Althea slowly regained her strength by eating more, resting more, and using her time with Baldrik and away from Durai for her own personal healing as well. When she was with Durai, she retreated into herself back into a place she made for soul where she couldn't feel all of his caresses, his lips against her body, and every opportunity he had to possess her. She became a shell of herself hidden to a place all her own deep inside her mind. And the worst part was, he didn't seem to notice.

She had special clothes made by her own hands in neutral colors of the earth. No loose flowing skirts or decorative embellishments, only breathable cloth for lightweight, skin-hugging pants and shirts. She knew she would have to be on her own far from any village or town, away from anyone who could see her face and know her and bring her back. She had to be sure to make herself as hardened and prepared for the challenges of her solitude away from the comforts of society as possible. She had to become more a child of the earth than she had ever been before even at her simple hut. But anything was better than this.

She opened the door that night for the last time quietly and carefully. Her movements were as stealthy and noiseless as a cat's. Her packs and supplies were fastened tightly against her and didn't make a sound with her hurried steps. And as she had studied every small path in the castle, she avoided the detection of even the tenured guards.

The first place she stopped was Mireya's room while Mireya was fast asleep. She felt the regret hardened in her heart upon seeing the woman she loved so very much asleep. She knew Mireya would be terribly hurt to find her gone without a goodbye. But she couldn't risk Mireya trying to stop her. She was the Queen, after all. Althea stood for some time and watched her sleep. She smiled as Mireya snored daintily every other inhale, and she forced herself not to cry at the thought of how desperately she would miss her.

As Althea turned to leave, she stopped at Mireya's bedside table and placed a small, hand-held hair brush that belonged to her down on it. Althea remembered how they would trade with each other back and forth sessions of brushing hair and grooming each other affectionately. Althea could even hear their laughter in the walls and felt Mireya's hands stroking her hair saying, "You really do have such heavenly hair! Cast a spell for me, and make mine like yours!"

"I'm sorry, Mireya."

She opened the passage and walked without a sound to Baldrik's room. She didn't know what she would do for him, she had no trinket and she had already stocked his rooms with all the salves and ointments she knew for him. But she had to see him, even this one last time. She had to take one last look at the brother that birth hadn't given her, but love had.

His eyes were closed as he was stretched out on his bed. She wrestled hard with the thoughts of staying if only just for him and Mireya. But she would be destroyed if she stayed. The darkness would win. And she made a promise.

"Can't sleep?" she heard a voice say in the darkness from the soul in the bed. Althea jumped and wanted to duck or run or hide, but stood frozen in indecision instead. Baldrik hadn't even opened his eyes, but he knew she was there. "Yeah, it's too warm tonight for -" Baldrik stopped midsentence as he opened his eyes and saw Althea the way she was. He saw it all: the pack, the clothes, the supplies, and the resolution in her eyes. And she could see in him the moment it all registered and his heart broke.

"So where will you go?"

"As far away as I can to disappear. Baldrik, I -"

He held up his hand and lifted his face to her more as he sat up in the bed. She saw the tears threatening to fall, and she could no longer hold back her own. "I know you cannot stay. I see more than you know,"

At the sound of those words, her mind was thrown into a panicked trauma response thrusting her back into that night and all that had happened. Baldrik saw her freeze up and knew instantly how much she had to get out. No one could live like this.

"I've been watching you slowly wither like a plucked flower. I can only assume it was something with him." Althea winced visibly. "See? I knew it. If I had the power, if I were only stronger, I'd send him away myself. But even Mireya isn't that powerful, not really. Not against him."

"That's why I have to disappear. And that's why you can't tell Mireya. You know how she is; she'd act against him and fail."

"I know."

Althea sat on the bed, and they both took each other's hands. For the longest time they sat together in silence. They didn't need to say a word, their love was passed between them, and they would know each other forever. They knew without saying that they would be a part of each other no matter the time and no matter the distance.

If only they could part tonight.

Althea grasped his hands more tightly as she spoke through her tears. "I thought I would be here forever, until we all grew old together and died happily. My family. I thought for sure we'd be together for all the many years of our lives."

"I didn't."

Althea looked on in surprise.

"I knew this wasn't going to last. At first, I thought I would be going soon. I was so sure that I would meet death before I became an old man. Hell, even before I saw another five years. And then you came. You gave me hope; you gave me my life back. But as time went on, I knew it was you who wouldn't live for long. Not if you stayed.

"I saw you shrink; I saw you thin into the earth as if you were the rain swallowed in the heat. I noticed every possessive and dominating glance he gave you and every wincing recoil you had in return. I still don't know for sure what he had done, and I don't need to. Knowing you and knowing how he changed you, that's enough for me. I saw in every way how he swallowed you up and sucked you dry. You lost yourself in him. In a way, I lost you too when that happened."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried. So many times I tried. But you were so far gone, first in love, then denial, and then in misery. I'm surprised you had the strength to stand to come every day like you did. I'm surprised you hadn't already died. But now -"

Baldrik faltered as he lost controlled and his chest wracked with silent sobs. He was so torn with joy and pain and pride and despair that he couldn't remain the stalwart picture he wanted so much to be.

"I sometimes would lay awake at night and thought about life without you, sis. I imagined you dying and how all would cry when we should have protected you, I imagined how he would look so destroyed in the wake of his own destruction, and I wondered if my heart could take it. And I dreamed over and over of you leaving and taking all of my hope with you. I fantasized of how I would stop you, how I could hold you hear with just a look, or how you would cry at leaving me behind and think that you should stay. I was so ashamed at those thoughts, but I don't want you to go.

"But now I know that you're keeping alive in yourself that hope within me when you go. You'll be safe, Althea, you'll be alive. More than anything for myself, I want that. Only that."

"Please…please don't say that. You have strength for yourself, too. Remember all the work we've done, and you'll make –"

The more she thought of how he couldn't possibly survive without her here the more she lost the will to go. Even if she had drilled exercises into his mind and supplied him with all she ever had, he would need more than that someday. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon and desperately. And she will have abandoned him who she loved even as she loved her family in blood. His pain would be on her. She was condemning him to such suffering.

"No. I can't…"

Baldrik griped her hand and became as resolute as a force of nature. "Don't you do that. Don't you dare back down now. Whether you run away and go from here or you stay and slowly die, you're gone from me. I'd much rather you be alive and gone from sight than watch you die. You and Mireya are all that I have, and losing even one of you to death would end me. If I'm wrong about everything I ever thought I knew, the way I feel for you is a fact without question. Althea, I love you."

In the same instant, with the same motion, they pulled each other close into an embrace and bond so complete they were as one person, one light in the dark. Baldrik felt himself die and be born over and over again while he begged his heart to stop shattering inside his chest. Althea pulled back and placed her hands upon his face for what she knew was the last time. He held her hand to his lips and kissed it gently and lovingly.

"No matter what happens, you take a part of me with you always. Whatever you may hear, no matter what the world may bring, you stay away and keep me with you here." He reached out and held his palm against her heart. He held it there, felt its beating, felt her alive. If he had nothing left to give in this world, he'd sacrifice anything to keep her heart going.

"Don't you give up. You have a part of me in there too."

As the West swallows the light of day in the end, they slowly released each other into the night with a pain that would scar forever. Baldrik watched as she skillfully disappeared into the night into safety and into memory. He held onto the feel of her embrace and held tight to the last sound he heard of her voice with the beautiful pain it was bringing.

"No promises."