31. Aisha Paul

I woke up hurting. My head hurt, my body hurt, my legs hurt and I felt dehydrated and sick.

  I got up from the bed, pulled up my pants which were bunched up near my ankles, wore my T-shirt, which lay crumpled near the bedpost, stumbled and fell on the floor. My head spun and I felt like I was dying. My stomach retched and I vomited all over the carpet. Carpet? My room didn't have a carpet. I vomited again and staggered and propped myself up against the bedpost. I dragged myself to the washroom, washed my face, and then vomited a little more in the pot. For the next hour, I sat next to the pot, dozing off and vomiting. I called out but no one came.

After about another half an hour of dozing off and vomiting, I heard the door click open.

  'Shit!' said Namrata and ran to my side. 'Are you okay?'

  I nodded. So I was at Namrata's place. It looked a little different, a little richer. She helped me up, grabbed me from behind, walked me towards the bed and sat me down. Norbu watched silently, unsure of how he could help.

  'You drank a little too much,' said Norbu.

  'Please don't talk. My head hurts.'

  Norbu and Namrata brought me soup and juice, nursed me to health for the next hour and I felt a little better. No one talked for while. I liked the silence.

  They told me we were at Vibhor's house. They were surprised I didn't remember anything.

  I wanted to sleep a little but every time I closed my eyes, the world spun and I would start feeling nauseous again. Norbu charged my phone and I called my mother and told her I was fine, just a little tired, nothing to worry about. She told me she was worried sick because I hadn't called after I reached Vibhor's house. 'Namrata called me to say you had fallen asleep and that she was with you,' she said. Sarthak had gone back home since he had an assignment to complete and submit the next day.

  A little later, the door flung open and Vibhor walked in. 'There you are,' he said. He walked to up to where I sat, took my face in his hands and kissed my cheek. 'You look beautiful,' he said. I flinched a little. 'Now, all of you, come down. My mother has made breakfast and she's waiting downstairs.'

  'How did we get here?' I asked.

  'You seriously don't remember?' asked Norbu. 'We drove here from the party? Played Truth or Dare? You passed out?'

  I shrugged. Vibhor laughed. 'You seriously don't? Man, now that's a blackout. Now come down, everyone is waiting.'

  'I need to take a shower,' I said.

  'Okay, then. The towels are on the racks,' said Vibhor, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on my lips. They felt raw and chapped.

  I stood beneath the shower for quite some time, trying to wash away the alcohol and the cigarette smell from my body. I felt a little different. My body ached and there's was a little bruise on my inner thigh. I felt a little burning sensation in my vagina but I didn't think too much about it. Too much alcohol, I thought and tried smiling it away.

  I washed my face in the mirror. I found my handbag lying upturned on the bed, fixed my hair and my face quickly and walked out smiling and pretending my body was not broken into pieces. Vibhor welcomed me at the table and made me sit right next to him. There were three other people apart from Namrata and Norbu who sat at the table with us, all of whom were at the party last night, and they smiled at me and wished me good morning.

  'I hope all of you had a good night's sleep,' said a voice from behind me. 'Did you sleep well?' I turned to see Vibhor's mother addressing the question directly to me. 'They told me you vomited a little.'

  She had a kind face and she touched my face in a way she wouldn't touch any other girl's face on the table. It was clear she knew about Vibhor and me.

  She addressed me and then the rest, 'I hope all of you like aloo puri.'

  Then, she instructed the maid to ask us if we needed milk or juice or tea. Just then, a man appeared at the door in front of us, dressed in an expensive-looking suit, threw us a cursory look, walked right past us, then sat on the sofa in the living room and opened the newspaper. Vibhor's mother brought his briefcase and his cell phone, and he left the house soon after.

  The food was served and everyone ate quietly, battling their own hangovers.

  'Quite some night, haan,' said Vibhor as he leaned on to me. He shoved his phone into my face as he scrolled down pictures from Instagram.

  'When were these clicked?'

  'You don't remember? It was so much fun. You were a riot,' he said and showed me more pictures. They were all clicked at his house. I was told the party moved from the club to his house where we drank some more. 'We played Truth or Dare and you killed it. Of course, I just wanted to kiss you more and hence we played it.' He winked.

  The others who were listening in giggled. I had no memory of any of this so I took the phone and swiped through the rest of the pictures. In most of them, I was clinging on to Vibhor for dear life. There were a few pictures in which my tongue was buried deep inside his mouth. I cringed. It wasn't how I had imagined my kisses would look like.

  'So I passed out?' I asked, pointing to the last few pictures. The others were still drinking, posing, while I seemed to be sleeping on the couch, mouth open, drooling all over my dress.

  'You were shit-housed!' said a boy at the table. I nodded, embarrassed. The others giggled some more.

  'Now, stop embarrassing her,' ordered Vibhor. He put his arm around me and kissed me thrice on my cheek.

  I finished my breakfast, bathing in embarrassment and left to wash my hands and the shame away. You shouldn't have got so drunk, I told myself.

  'So? How was it?' A voice said from behind. I turned to see Namrata and a girl I didn't recognize stare at me.

  'How was what?'

  'Oh c'mon! We know!' they said.

  'You beat me to it! So stop acting and tell me everything,' said Namrata.

  'Tell you what?'

  'Fine,' the other girl said. 'I will go if I'm the problem. I will ask Vibhor.' The girl washed her hands and left.

  'What was she talking about?'

  'Oh, shut up and tell us. Vibhor has already told us!' She held my hand. Her face had lit up like Christmas. 'You did it last night, right? Lost your virginity? How was it?'

  'I . . . I . . .'

  'What?'

  'I don't remember, Namrata.'

  'Oh, shut up. How can you forget that?' she asked.

  'But . . .'

  'Stop acting, now.' She rolled her eyes. 'If you don't want to tell, it's fine. I just thought we weren't hiding anything from each other.'

  I stood there trying to recall the last night. I had no memory of leaving the club, or coming to Vibhor's house, or playing Truth or Dare, no memory of posing for those pictures or kissing him, or having sex with him . . .

  'But I had passed out, Namrata,' I said. 'You saw the pictures.'

  'Yes, you had and Vibhor put you to bed. But you must have woken up and felt horny?' said Namrata, winking and nudging me.

  'I didn't wake up!'

  'Maybe you did.'

  The tears came and so did the shame.

  'Nothing happened, Namrata.'

  'Then why is he saying that it did.'

  'I don't know why!'

  I ran to the stall and locked myself in. I buried my head in my knees and cried while Namrata stood outside and kept calling out my name.

  'Aisha?'

  '. . .'

  'Aisha?'

  '. . .'

  'Are you okay? Are you okay, Aisha?' she said. 'Talk to me. Talk to me.' She kept knocking at the door. I kept hitting my head against my knees hoping it would all come back to me.

  'What . . . did he tell people?'

  'Ummm . . . that you guys did it,' said Namrata.

  'But I didn't.'

  'Aisha?'

  '. . .'

  'Aisha?'

  '. . .'

  'Stop crying? Listen to me?'

  'Yes?'

  'You were wearing your T-shirt inside out today.'

  'But I didn't take it off—'

  No. No. No.

  And then I remembered. When I woke up this morning, my pants were bunched up around my ankles and my T-shirt was lying upturned near the bedpost.

  'Aisha? Did you take off your T-shirt yourself?'

  '. . .'

  'Did you?'

  I mustered up the courage to s 

ay the words, 'I have been raped, Namrata. I have been raped by my boyfriend.'

  'Aisha?'

  '. . .'