MOTHERHOOD

When I was writing this chapter, I couldn't help but cry.

At first, I thought that I should write some sweet interactions between Samara and Zed but then I decided otherwise.

It has not even been a few months since she loved Enzo so much and writing about her new love so early won't look so good either so you guys will have to wait.

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"A man becomes a father when he sees his child for the first time,

While a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she is pregnant."

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15 Weeks Pregnant.

Its been a week since I moved to Philadelphia, Its too lonely here, too cold. My emotions are all over the place.

Playing the piano makes it worse.

There are times when I just want to go back to him because I know that even if he ignored me he won't ignore his child.

There are times when I crave for food in the middle of the night but there is no one to satisfy my demands.

There are times when I am so tired and fed up with the morning sickness, the cramps, the emotional ups and downs and there is no one to comfort me.

But there are also times when I sleep with a smile on my face because I know in the future I won't be alone.

There is no better feeling than the movement of life inside of me. I never did understand life until it grew inside of me.

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18 Weeks Pregnant.

My belly is getting rounder and rounder. I didn't look like a 4-month pregnant woman, My belly was bigger than a normal 4-month pregnant woman.

Scared, I made an appointment with my doctor. The result was that I was pregnant with twins.

I was happy and scared at the same time. Happy for being able to love not one but two angels and scared of not being able to handle them both.

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20 Weeks Pregnant.

Today new neighbours are moving.

My uncle thinks that I live in a university hostel but I bought a villa in the suburbs and hired 5 maids and 10 guards. 

The neighbours were a couple or so I thought until they introduced themselves as brother and sister.

We talked a lot and clicked instantly. They did not ask me about the child's father and I did not ask them where their parents are.

Emila is 23 years old, 5 feet 10 inches tall with fair skin, hazel eyes and red hair. She looked amazingly beautiful and had a charm of her own. She works as a DJ in the famous club BLUES in the downtown.

Zed is 25 years old, 6 feet 5 inches tall with tanned skin, blue eyes and black hair. If not for their similar facial features I couldn't recognize them as siblings.

Emila is hot like fire while Zed is cold as ice. Emila can talk all day but Zed hardly talks a few times in a day. Emila likes noisy places and parties while Zed likes to cook and read books in silence.

Zed is a very famous chef, I didn't recognize him because I never really paid attention to other things than Enzo and my family.

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22 Weeks Pregnant.

Ever since Emila and Zed moved next door, every day they invite me for dinner. 

'A Pregnant lady shouldn't live alone. Dine together with us the more the merrier and I really love kids.' Was what Emila said and since Zed didn't object we became close by dining together every day.

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25 Weeks Pregnant.

Zed's cooking is as incredible as ever. Emila had more job to do so it is only Zed and me for dinner.

I never really realized how quiet it was without Emila. Only the sound of utensils colliding could be heard.

After dinner, we went on a walk as usual but just the two of us.

It was quite and peaceful, every time I am alone I wouldn't help but feel lonely and scared.

But today after a long time I wasn't alone.

Though we hardly interact as Emila always takes the initiative but observing Zed for the past days I can tell he has a good personality.

He seems cold and the kind of person who wouldn't care for others but he really has a soft and caring heart. He just doesn't like to talk.

When I couldn't stand the strongly flavoured food he especially cooked light food for me.

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27 Weeks Pregnant.

My emotions are all over the place and whenever I try to calm down they again erupt like a volcano.

I don't know why but since yesterday I'm having nightmares, that on my kids 1st birthday Enzo appeared and took my kids with him. That his wife and kids bullied my angels, that my father and stepmother bullied my angels, That both of them suffering depression committed suicide.

I knew it was only a nightmare yet I couldn't stay calm.

Desperate I knocked on Emila's door. Not caring that it wasn't Emila who opened the door but Zed. I rushed in his arms and cried, babbling stuff even I couldn't understand.

Zed coaxed and comforted me that night as I fell asleep in his arms.

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28 Weeks Pregnant.

Zed and I went shopping for the kid's clothes together as Emila was busy again.

Emila said that for a few weeks she will be very busy and asked Zed to accompany me.

Zed didn't say it but it is quite obvious how much he loves kids.

He looked very serious when pondering which toys would the babies like or what colour clothes would suit the kids.

I didn't want to know the gender of my babies, wanting to keep it a surprise for myself

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29th Week Pregnant

Emila asked if she can be the God Mother of the twins and I agreed. Even though we have known each other for only a few weeks but I know that both of them are very sincere to me.

After living in a world where everyone is deceiving me or approaching me for a purpose and getting hurt countless times I now mastered the skill of reading the intentions of the person approaching me.

Emila and Zed both genuinely wanted to be close to me and liked me for no other reason.

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30th Weeks Pregnant 

My situation is getting worse day by day. My belly is so big that I cannot walk properly or even move around. Both Emila and Zed moved in with me,'I don't trust your clumsy self so we will personally take care of you.' Is what Emila said.

Everyday day, All day with both of them is like a fresh breeze. Since they moved in I had no time to drown in self-pity or playback all my miserable memories.

No matter what I crave Zed will cook for me without showing any impatience or irritation. Emila would listen to all my meaningless babbles and would comfort me.

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31 Weeks Pregnant.

Kid's rooms were renovated both coloured blue. Since I had nothing else to do Emila, Zed and I painted the kid's room.

I still didn't tell them about my past but I think they might have guessed half of it.

Many times Emila and Zed would rush into my room at night as I screamed and cried because of nightmares.

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33 Weeks Pregnant.

One night I didn't feel like sleeping so I went to the music room.

Ever since the time I played in front of my uncle and aunt, I just couldn't play a piece of cheerful music.

Music is what feelings sound like.

Every time I play the piano its either sad or lonely, So I have been avoiding playing the piano as much as possible but this time I played happy music.

So cheerful.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Expecting a new life.

Like an Innocent and Naive Girl, I once was. 

Expecting my beautiful Angels.

Ever since then I play the piano to my babies so they could know just how much I love them and treasure them.

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35 Weeks Pregnant.

My angels filled a place in my heart that I never knew was empty.

I don't know how time passed by but my due date was coming closer and closer.

In just a few days I will meet my angels. I still haven't decided on their names but Emila and Zed have been helping me in choosing their names.

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36 Weeks Pregnant.

Rosangel or Parisa if girls. Both the names means Angels in different languages.

Raphael or Gabriel if boys. Two of the seven archangels who attended the throne of God.

After hearing a lot of ridiculous names we decided on these 4 names.

Expecting my babies is only the beginning of expecting some of my life's most precious moments.

Although I am extremely fat right now due to my pregnancy and have no family with me i have never been this happy in my entire life. The changes in my body will only last for 9 months but the beauty of motherhood will embrace me for the rest of my life.

37 Weeks Pregnant.

I was just replying to my cousin's messages when a message from an unknown number caught my eye.

There was nothing but a photo in that message. A photo of my sister Angela and Enzo kissing passionately in an elevator.

I thought I was over him.

I thought She won't be able to hurt me anymore.

I thought I could forget him,

Forget her,

Forget everything that happens to me and move on with my new life.

But how wrong I was.

I couldn't neither forget him or her.

I couldn't forget how my family abandoned me,

How my friends abandoned me,

How he abandoned me.

I couldn't forget the pain,

The night I cried my self to sleep,

The days I desperately tried to protect my fragile self.

I was running away from them, from my memories and pain, but how long and far can I even run when they could catch me anytime they wish for.

What use is in running away and hiding from them when they don't even have to meet me to completely destroy me.

Zoned out and dazed I didn't realize I was having trouble breathing,

I fell on the floor struggling to breathe, I didn't know why was I even struggling for.

No one wanted me, They didn't care if I was dead or alive.

No one would be sad if I died, No one would cry at my funeral.

Why am I living?

Why am I even alive?

Why Do I still struggle?

Why do I keep on trying?

Why don't I just let it go?

Why don't I just sleep for the rest of my life?

Thats right I should just sleep and never wake up, that way I won't feel the pain, the hurt, I won't feel anything. Everything will be peaceful and quiet just the way I like.

"Hey! Hey! don't close your eyes. Samara, you cannot close your eyes do you hear me." Emila was cradling my head in her bosom.

"Zed Get the car and her maternity bag." Shouting that Emila Princess carried me to her car.

She might look hot and sexy but is strong as any other man.

Thinking this I couldn't help but laugh.

"You crazy woman why are you laughing right now? Wake up and get hold of yourself." Emila said while carrying me.

"I don't want too, Let me sleep I want to sleep forever." I think my words snapped something inside her, after positioning me in her car she slapped me across my face.

"Wake up already, What kind of nonsense are you thinking. I thought you loved your kids, That you would love them and care for them no matter what. I thought that you were a responsible and caring girl, but why now are you giving up when you are about to meet your babies. Are you going to abandon them just like your family abandoned you? How can you be so selfish" Looking at her red eyes and sweat covered forehead, I snapped back to my senses.

"I am so sorry, I don't know what was I thinking. Please save my babies." I couldn't help but cry.

"How is she?"

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"Emila let me carry her.".

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"Doctor she isn't waking up?"

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"Please, Please, Please do something."

On the way, I was in and out of conscious. I only hear a few murmurs and I blanked out.

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"Please don't leave us, you are our only family."