2: healing Old Wounds

"Of course Miss." He grins and turns to Isla in the back with an expectant look.

She smiles knowingly and raises her button nose in the air slightly.

"West Shore please My good Sir." She declares before erupting into a melodic giggle.

Chris tips his imaginary hat and we're off. After what seems like the tenth Disney song Isla has finished serenading us with, we arrive. The plaza is a massively expensive shopping centre with only the highest end stores. I'd been there a handful of times but not for years now. I take note of some subtle updates, new royal blue signage and a large digital billboard showing an old fashion Roman style clock above the large entrance. I grin at the irony of an old clock on a high tech screen.

"Entrance 50." I remember out loud.

Chris pulls around to the "Entrance 50," sign and puts it in park. I scan the lot and almost immediately I spot him. A few car lengths away. Oh my, he hasn't changed at all. I feel my heart pounding in my throat and it's making it hard to breathe. Jayce is leaning back on his car with his arms crossed over his chest loosely. It's hard to tell at a distance but I think he' swearing sunglasses.

Christofer let's Isla out first, opening her door before moving to mine and leading me out by the hand I thank him formally feeling suddenly self conscious of such a formality.

From the backseat I hear a gasp followed by the seatbelt click free. What I witness next seems to be straight out of a whimsical movie.

And then it happens.

"D-da? Daddy!?" Isla is squealing losing all her self containment. Entirely unlike her but I watch in anticipation.

Her honey loose curls bounce and flick every which way as she full out sprints to Jayce and he automatically opens his arms to her. She's beaming and the scene morphs into slow motion—-or maybe only for me—- her golden slight curls still lapping like waves and her eyes seem to have shifted to a sterling icy blue they sparkle as she beams at him. The corners of her eyes match her smile, curled up with delight. And she is screaming out in joy!

"Daddyyyyy!"

For a moment I felt like the audience of a beautifully crafted production.

Reality sets in and my stomach swallows itself—-I should have eaten. I hope my stomach doesn't make a peep. I glare down as if to scold the defiant organ inside me before smoothing my dress then I take a short step closer to this dream like vision that's unfolding right before my eyes. The emotions are welling up and all at once I am awe-struck, self conscious and ashamed. I square my shoulders in attempts to recollect myself.

Jayce is so obliviously Charming. One look at him makes me forget why I left.

No! I shake away the thoughts and count in my head back from 100, 99, 98, 97.. and continue walking towards Isla and Jayce. Focus on her. Focus on her. I smile. Hoping Jayce thinks it's confidently aimed at him—-it's not. I'm not sure why I'm doing it but it seems to be an appropriate facial expression to wear. I hope I don't look unnatural.

Jayce is wearing a crisp white button-down collared shirt tucked into grey straight-legged dress pants with a sharp business like black belt with a dark grey metallic buckle... it matches his car. I muse internally trying to distract my unruly thoughts. I can't bring myself to look at his face.

"You look incredible Miss Page." He says plainly. I roll my eyes. That's not my name and he knows this.

Shit—-wait he wouldn't still be bothered by that?

"Thankyou." I respond stiffly.

Isla looks back and forth, beaming at each of us in turn when we speak... she is standing in between us observing.

He raises an eyebrow "Old habits die hard Miss .. Rosynn." And I'm unsure if he is referring to his using my given name or my eye rolling habit.

He reaches his hand out to collect mine as if to shake it and I oblige but he lifts it slowly to his lips instead and kisses my knuckles gently, eyes not leaving mine. Not meeting his gaze. My eyes are closed. I open them upon the realization that I'm relishing in the moment. Unexpected and accidental, we finally lock eyes, he holds my gaze with intent now. I can't tear my eyes away.

"Thankyou for this." He nods towards Isla.

"Her idea." I remark.

Isla grabs my hand and sways my arm back and forth "Mommy, please can we go in ?" She asks with excitement brimming over in her voice.

Jayce looks to me for my response and I nod at each of them. We walk towards the entrance, Islas hand in mine. She glances at Jayces hand and I know she thinks I don't notice. A pang of guilt stabs me in the heart as I know her painful longing and desire is all my doing.

Instinctively he reaches for and grabs her small delicate hand and gently guides her along with me as we cross a roadway proceeding the entrance. Once across he let's go but she hasn't stopped smiling since he gripped her hand.

I spot a large spinning revolving door that must have been put in recently judging by the lack of scuffs around the bottom. My eyes shoot to Isla, she sees it too.

"Mommy look!"

"I see, Baby! Go ahead. I smile at her sweetly

Jayce smiles dreamily as he takes in every moment. Isla let's go of my hand and disappears behind the revolving door...then appears again...and disappears, over and over. She's besides herself hardly containing her pure joy. Googling at each round.

It's now that I realize Jayce and I are laughing together, laughing with Isla, our daughter. It feels so good. We follow her on her last "journey around the world," and enter the grand mall all at once.

I am sure Isla and I match each others looks of amazement. We are both wide-eyed and eagerly looking up at all this glorious mall has to offer. Inside it is large, bright like outside—-or maybe even more so. The whole place is like a dome with the highest part of the gleaming glass ceiling being in the center. Above us, accentuating the entrance is a large grande chandelier. it is beautiful, intricate and covered in crystals that bounce rainbows everywhere. I hear Isla gasp as she admires it.

"Shall we?"

Jayce holds out a hand to Isla with his other arm crooked behind his back formally, I'd seen Chris greet Isla this way many times, but she still loves to be treated like royalty.

Isla nods eagerly and beams up at me, then Jayce before taking his hand and holding out her free hand to me. She's in her element.

I did good today.

~A different kind of flashback plays in my mind cinematically.

"Have you eaten?"

"I will soon-not hungry yet." I retort stubbornly.

"You are eating for two darling." He grins as he rests his hands both low on my soon to be "bump."

"You may not be hungry but-" he pokes my lower abdomen before looking at me longingly. He's begging?

I feel my stomach tighten and whine as if on cue. He's sit down on an accent chair in the corner of the room. Our room. Jayce reaches both hands out dramatically in my direction, gesturing to my defiantly loud and evidently hungry stomach. He is riddled with frustration. Defeatedly hanging his head, he allows his hands cradle his forehead.

"I'm going to make lunch." He says bleakly not moving.

"Can you make bacon?" I ask in a tiny voice.

And just like that we're on top of the world.

In one smooth motion he leaps up and sweeps me off of my feet lifting me off of the floor. He dances with me cradled in his overprotective strong welcoming arms. I smile.

"So you'll eat?" He raises an eyebrow waiting for my response.

"Every bite Sir." I say this attempting to match his signature plain tone but fail miserably giving myself away with a smile at the end. Jayce leans down to cover my smiling mouth in kisses. It tickles and I'm still smiling.

"Thankyou Baby!" He shouts as he returns me to my feet and skips into the kitchen like a young boy. I wonder idly if he's thanking me or our unborn child.

~

The reality hits me like a train. I try hard to remember the last meal I ate. Why am I so stubborn? I scold myself internally.

The room is starting to spin and my heart is POUNDING violently as if trying to escape my rib cage. I place my hand on my chest. No.

"No no no no no no no." It's the only clear thought I can think of before my hands start to shake rapidly. I'm panicking.

"Emah?"

His hands secure around my waist but there's a thousand other thoughts screaming at me.

Ow. My stomach stings as it gurgles. Empty and discontent.

Suddenly my mind body and soul relax. All at once. Simultaneously.

Before I lose consciousness I hear Jayce directing Isla expertly to stay calm "Mommy is ok baby." He reassures her.

She's safe with Jayce.

The world turns black and I faint backwards.

Ow. My head hurts. I rub my fingers into my temples, closing my eyes momentarily before analyzing my current situation. Oh no. Isla. Where is she? Jayce? Oh my god. The expression is a silent prayer.

Jayce and Isla are hand in hand waiting for me to come to.

He shifts his attention to me, staring at the two of them like a frantic vulnerable dear about to be roadkill, utterly disoriented.

"She's awake." He announces without addressing anyone specifically. He walks over, Isla trailing behind grasping his hand. She's safe. My whole body relaxes like a weight has been lifted. Jayce sits on the edge of the bench and runs two fingers from my temple down the length of my jaw line, mmmm I've missed that, before resting his hand on my shoulder; Looking right at me.

Nowhere to hide now. I meet his gaze and my eyes sting with tears. I don't let them brim over I try and swallow my emotions. Isla is present and I'm sure her whole world was turned upside down today already. My fault.

"It hasn't been like this," I manage to squeak the words out trying to defend my case.

"Shhhh," Jayce soothes and then smiles. "Before you let your mind run away from you love, you should know, I have had quite the pleasant experience of speaking for a while with our daughter while you recovered from your fainting spell. She is quite the conversationalist. Not unlike yourself." He pauses and smiles briefly before continuing to explain, "Isla tells me you are quite the dancer and she wowed me with her detailed description of your kitchen dance parties. Isla told me you work very hard but always make ample time for activities with her." He stops and smirks.

"Something funny?" I raise an eyebrow and Jayce matches the expression.

"She says you're a rubbish cook but then Sandra is very good."

I frown. Great. He's gonna tell me all about how I have been lost without him. How I was wrong.

He leans closer and shields his mouth with one hand so a Isla can't see, as if he's telling me a secret. "She seems to think you're a pretty incredible,strong and beautiful Mother... I tend to agree."

Suddenly my worries dissipate and I reach my arms out to Isla who graciously accepts my offered embrace and leaps into my lap.

"So?" I start

"What happened?" He finishes for me before proceeding to tell me I had fainted. Jayce sat Isla on a bench with me so her lap cradled my head. He told me how she stroked my hair.

Like I do to her when she's sick.

"You didn't eat." He scolds.

I open my mouth to speak but he lifts his hand. "Wait, I'm not done, please."

I nod

"I think you're doing a wonderful job. What happened today is no indicator of how I see you as a mother, as a woman even. You were nervous. So was I. You didn't eat.. a common over sight in this case. But. I hope it never happens again." His voice gets tense at the end.

"You're not mad?" I look at him puzzled.

"Jayce I lost it. Isla I am so sorry." I look to her and she is shaking her head. But when she looks up at me I notice she's smiling.

"Mommy, I got to have a pretend tea party with daddy!"

She is so energetic and youthful. More so than usual. It wakes my confidence. I smile right at Jayce.

"I'm proud of you Emah. You've done well. Please don't let this small set back change the tone, darling, I haven't felt this alive in years." His sincerity is overwhelming.

"I hope to escort you ladies back to the Page's Mansion." He folds his hands in front of himself.

I know it's not a request. I can see what's coming.... it's inevitable. Jayce and I will talk. Together. Alone.

"We'd like that very much!" Isla chimes in

I nod in agreement.

His car is nice. It smells. So. Good. I close my eyes and let the scent flood my senses, triggering nostalgia.

My mind is wandering, remembering the first time I rode in this car

It. Smells. So. Incredibly. Good.

Like him. I lean my head back on the seat and can almost feel his hand rest on my thigh. Like he used to do. Mmmm. I wish I could stay here forever. Worry free in my day dream. A perfect moment.

I remember how fast he drove. The thrill of risk and speed make my blood pump vigorously through my veins. Breathing came easy as my psychotic brain was distracted by the hype. The thrill of it all.

I open my eyes and flush. Jayce is smiling at me as if he knows I've been fantasizing about our past.

"Seatbelts please darlings." He instructs us.

We drive fast but my nails are digging into the edge of my seat. It smells good but it floods my mind with memories from another time, another life.

Isla claps her hands staring out the window. "Fast!!" She squeals with delight.

We reach the outskirts of town in good time and continue into the winding Hampton road to the place Isla and I have called home for some time now. I swallow hard at the realization that everything will in fact be inevitably different in every way now. Are we ready? Am I ready?

My mind has way too much time to wander on car rides ...

~flash

"I need to go." I'm packing my things into my suitcase and I've already made arrangements to leave Jayces and move in with my parents for a little while.

"Why." It's more a statement than a question. He raises a finger to let me know he's not done and I feel as though I can see the gears spinning in his mind. "You are pregnant. WITH MY CHILD." He stops, collecting himself, knowing I'll likely end the conversation if he yells.

I hold my cramping midsection and pause. Jayce looks as if he's going to come to my aide—

"No Jayce don't—-." I warn.

He's confused. I need him to understand. I love him so much. This has to happen for us to work

"Welcome home ladies." Jayce smiles in the rear view mirror proudly at Isla.

We have arrived back at the mansion and it's near dark. Isla is sleeping in the backseat. Shit. This is going to be quite the feat. Heals and stairs carrying a six year old, could I make it? Chris would normally help.

"I got her." He looks at me studying my expression change. "I mean if that's alright?—"

"Please, Thankyou." I blurt out trying not to sound to relieved.

We exit the vehicle and Jayce scoops Isla carefully out of her seat in the back, careful not to wake her.

As he follows me up the steps to the "Page Mansion," my mind gets away from me for a moment that seems much longer.

~flash

The news is playing "breaking news."

The year is 2020.

My cellphone chimes a familiar tone. It's Jayce.

"Why won't you let me have space!?" I wonder out loud before tapping the green accept icon.

"This is ridiculous," Jayce is whispering harshly and I know under different circumstances he would be yelling.

*click*

I hang up and rub one finger into my temple while the other rests on my slightly swollen belly. Gazing up at the plain empty nursery in the page mansion that Sandra had helped me set up.

I start to cry and I let myself come undone.

~

I show Jayce to Islas room and he rests her on her bed as if he's done it a thousand times. After tucking her in I catch him planting a quick kiss on her forehead.

"Sleep well sweet girl ." I whisper and Jayce joins me to leave the room.

We start down the great hall together. His hands are politely clasped behind his back. We are alone . Sandy had gone to Visit her sister earlier in the day and she returns tomorrow. Nervously I smooth my dress as we walk.

"Ok enough silence." Jayce snaps. "I need to speak with you, you know this."

"Jayce I cant just —-" I start

"No you can't just decide, you can't spring anything on that exquisite little girl you raised because I won't let you. Building a relationship with her means more than anything now. I learned that today when instead of my heart swelling when she ran to me, it bloody exploded! Sorcerer that girl is! Incredible, Emah, she has your charm but magnified!!"

"I am aware" I say quietly. Examining each of my fingers until I reach my left ring finger.

"So Emah... are you ready to tell me ... explain yourself ?"

"I think so," I confess.

After a long pause and a deep breath I start tearing open the wound I've kept such tedious care to heal.

"I wanted you all along but for your sake I had to go... I had to make sure I wasn't blind sided—"

"Blindsided?" He repeats.

"Stuck in the honeymoon phase or wearing rose coloured glasses? You know? My vision my emotions everything was flooded with you and I lost the girl you loved I'm so sorry but to find her I had to be on my own not distracted."

"You are apologizing?" He softens a little

"I supposed." I puzzle

"But not for leaving?"

"No not for that ..."

"But for losing the girl I Love and never stopped loving?" His question is heavy and I flush.

He continues "I just wish you would have told me."

"You would have let me stay away?"

"Well likely not.."He hesitates with his words.

"Exactly. Jayce I needed to know I'd be ok without you always taking control."

He shakes his head softly. "I'm not going to waste anymore of my time with you arguing ever. You're right you were and are and will be and we need each other to be there for Isla but I know now babes, you don't need me. I don't want you to feel dependant on me anymore I love you the painter you the mom and the dancer and the creative genius you always have been!" He steps closer and holds my hands gently in his. "I'm sorry Emah, for whatever I did to make you feel so trapped. I forgive you I love you I want you and only ever you will do." He finishes abruptly as if he's said too much. Or perhaps he's measured his amount.

The familiar vow raises all the hairs on my arms and a slight quiver runs through me. He feels it in his hands still gripping mine. His eyes are searching and wondering, hoping maybe even day dreaming. I want to put him out of his misery.

His eyes get big "oh Emah!" And he embraces me.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I love you I do need you I needed to know for sure but I need you I love you." I'm combusting with pent up emotion and I let myself surrender to his embrace.

It's like two worlds colliding my old self and my new self my past and future. My independence and my dependency. But only for a moment. Then questions bubble up pushing the fairy tale up up and away before boiling over. My face must have fallen. Has he noticed?

"Come, you haven't eaten much at all still and I hear you're a rubbish cook." His smile mutes the list of questions plaguing my mind.

He takes my hand and I lead him to the kitchen.

Jayce whips up chicken wth asparagus and my mouth is watering... I'm starving.

My stomach is doing backflips, impatiently waiting for its meal.

We sit at the island together and I devour the food he's set out for me. Dabbing my mouth with my napkin, I realize I have taken the last bite. Oh no. As soon as I swallow this bite he is going to want me to speak. I slow my chewing and meet his sultry eyes.

"Taking your time Miss Page?" He smirks and I frown at him, mouth still full.

"I know—that's not your name," he continues "But you weren't with me. And I've heard you took my name. Thief." He smirks as my glare clearly amuses him. "I'm sure I know why although. Emah, what is Isla's full name?" He studies me while I swallow my last gulp.

"Isla Ray Rosynn."I say in a small voice.

"So you wanted to match her name?" He asks a little annoyance stinging his voice.

"Not just that." I snap and then shrug my shoulders apologetically.

He shifts his weight uneasily "I'm trying hard to. But I wish I could understand more Emah."

"I know, all you need to understand is that I was uncertain. And this is the only way I could be certain." I explain quickly

He shoves his hands through his hair and I'm absorbed my his beauty for a minute. His eyes are pale blue and relaxed. His five o' clock shadow is maddening, I want to run my lips along his jaw and breathe in his sweet smell. But we need to communicate if this is going to work. I snap into business mode, squaring my shoulders.

"So how are we going to do this? Isla knows this as home." I look to him for an answer.

"She can stay." He says plainly

"And me?" I raise an eyebrow at him

"You will stay." He instructs.

"You've thought this all out ?" I quiz

"Emah I've had years. I know you. I've replayed this scene a thousand times in my head I've missed you terribly but I've always taught you patience is a virtue my dear ..." he trails off as if a memory has distracted him.

I'm curious. I'll bite . "And your uh... virtue .... has been quite .. er.. unexercised ?" I pale at my own words and bite my lip involuntarily.

He chuckles "indeed Miss Rosynn. My virtue has been in safe keeping but eagerly waiting he says with a proud grin spreading across his face. He pats himself .. there.

Oh my, I can tell he is restricted in his pants and suddenly I am completely aroused. Over eager. I scold myself silently and frown. I don't notice he's moved closer to me until his hands are closing on my waist. Mmmm. I've missed his hands on my waist, sliding down my sides and back up, working his hands into my hips in a slow seductive massage.

He lifts one hand to my chin and tilts my head back gently. He slowly kisses me once —twice, I'm deepening the kiss and pressing my body flat against him... feeling him expand against me gets me ready and willing. I whisper "please?" And all at once it's like a dream.

He scoops me up gracefully and sets me on the island so my legs are on either side of him. I shimmy closer and he slowly glides one hand up my thigh, his gaze doesn't break away from mine at all.

I take a sharp breath in. "Are you ready?" I ask myself internally. He's ready and my body is ready ...

Body soul mind

Suddenly his hands are both inching up the skirt of my dress smoothing the goosebumps on my thighs as they slide further up, taking my modesty with them. I feel exposed, vulnerable and excited.

I can do this. But, is this too soon?

My inward battle continues and as I argue with myself I'm distracted from his wandering hands that have mischievously slipped off my panties.

Oh no.

~Flash

His hands are holding my wrists down. Hard. But I like it .

~

No! I bite my tongue hard and it erases the flash back for a moment.

Suddenly determination overtakes me. My damaged mind won't take this from me not this. I kiss him hard. I'm a welcomed intrusion to his mouth and he expertly twists his tongue around mine in an oh so familiar way.

I try to absorb myself in the kiss but my wandering mind is defiant.

Flash~

"More!" I beg.

He thrusts into me harder, faster. I'm drenched in a mixture of his and my own sweat.

Feeling mischievous I slip one wrist quickly expertly from his grasp and he's fired up completely. Aroused at the challenge. He Catches my newly freed hand and pins it back down harder. It hurts. "Again!" I plead.

He is fully absorbed in me with each thrust he breathes "You. Are.So.Fucking.Hot."

I slip the opposite hand out of his grasp giggling at my game but this time he slams my arm back down in his grasp before hoisting both of my hands up over my head.

Oh god yes babes.

I twist and fight with my hands while letting him take full advantage of my body. He fucks me hard while holding me down harder by my wrists, high above my head. It hurts. I'm excited! Ohh it feels, I feel? Good?

"Yes,yess!" I breathe—reassurance— for the both of us.

I hear a snap. Then I surrender to him. Losing myself. Feeling every nerve tingle to life. My whole body convulses hard and I start to shake. Ahh. Finally. Sweet release.

"Goddamnit Emah!"

Jayces anger startles me but I am enjoying every part of this sensation now fading.

"Always pushing limits." He's yelling now and I snap out of my blissful state.

Ow.

An unsolicited pain floods into my left wrist and I piece together all at once what has happened. The pressure was too much. I mis-judged and my wrist is broken. Was it me? Did I pull to hard or Jayce—- no way he would have noticed.

His voice shatters my thoughts once more. "Emah you absolutely make me lose all sense of self and then you push way past the danger zone and I'm sorry I was so absorbed in you I've snapped your wrist! What have I done !?" He shovels his hands through his hair and paces back and forth once before shoving his sweatpants on.

"Hospital now." He says through gritted teeth.

~

Jayces hands are longing and pushing forwards on a mission to my hot, wet and readiness between my thighs. As I snap out of my flash back I use his chest to push with my hands and I slide my self far back on the smooth counter.

"Stop." I whisper and shield my face with both hands. I pull both legs to my chest in a defensive position.

He doesn't understand yet, or does he ? This was part of the problem. I lacked discipline before. I was insatiable and I won't make the same mistake. I peer over my finger tips slowly at him.

He's confused by by sudden recoil. But his face is very knowing, as if he's reading me.

"It's ok Emah," he inches closer and reaches out a hand slow and I take it. I let the sound of "Emah," ring through my ears over and over. For so long I have been Miss Page, Mrs Rosynn, Miss Rosynn...

He helps me ease myself off of the island smoothly. I stand beside him and he puts both hands at his sides almost submissive I note. But more a sign of respect I'm sure. Waiting for my next move. He gets it. He really gets it.

Suddenly my emotions hit be like a train. Uncertainty overwhelms my senses and tears sting my eyes so I pinch them closed. I fall to my knees in a heap. A crying blubbering mess in heels. I'm sure I'm quite the pathetic sight.

I feel warmth wrap around my shoulders and I realize he's kneeling with me. His arm around me. "I'm sorry, we don't need to rush anything." He whispers and I nod in response. He carefully leans over to gently unbuckle a strappy, shiny heel. He eases it gracefully off of my foot, then mimics the action with the opposite shoe before lifting me effortlessly. I love being here, cradled in his arms and I remember when Isla was a baby how badly I craved for her to feel the warmth of his arms. How guilty I felt for taking that from her—-still feel guilty. My heart is pounding fast and hard from the rollercoaster of emotions I just endured.

He walks down the great hall silently letting me fall apart. I cry and press my face into his shirt. Oh, he smells so good. I nuzzle my head into his chest. I don't need to tell him where my room is. He knows.

As we cross the threshold to my bedroom,he pauses for a moment, as if welcoming a flood of memory upon his entry. His eyes close for this moment and then flutter open. He continues to the bed and sits me gently there.

For a moment he disappears into my bathroom and returns with a dampened wash cloth. He wipes the makeup and salty residue from my tears all off then he lifts my chin with one finger gently to admire his work. "Do you want me to go?" He asks.

"No."

"Do you want me to stay ?" He presses

I nod. Surprised as he is by my response. He undoes his pants and unbuttons his shirt sliding into the bed before patting the spot beside himself. I crawl in and he methodically drapes his arm over my waist. My sobbing has subsided and he's gently stroking my hair as I drift to sleep .

I dream of a memory. It's not a flash back this time.

New routines. Fear and uncertainty swell within me. I am sitting on the couch watching the news hoping to distract myself from thoughts of him.

I used to journal and I can remember my entry word for word on this day:

~I'm twenty weeks pregnant. I am alone. But I'm not. I have this tiny reassurance wiggling inside now. My purpose. I am twenty weeks pregnant. The baby moved today and I felt it and I cried all by myself. But I was not by my self. We are two but we are one. I am her vessel.~

My stomach is large. My hips are swollen. Everything feels difficult. I can't see my toes! I notice as I hobble to the kitchen of the Page Mansion for a snack.

Not alone.

I wake up from my dream. Jayce is tangled up in the sheet beside me. I slip up and out of bed noticing I slept in my dress. I stalk over to the en-suite bathroom quietly, careful not to wake him.

Once the bathroom door is closed I know he can't hear anything. I turn the shower straight to red and I'm in my element. The Bluetooth speaker begins to play krewella -Alive

"All alone, just the beat inside my soul, take me home.." the lead sings.

Perfect. I roll my neck and begin to shake my hips in a dance while I glide the zipper down my back and shimmy my dress off. I finish undressing quickly, eager to reach the fire cascade of water blazing from the sky shower.

My mind wanders to a memory as I rinse soap suds off of my belly. The stretch marks are pale now.

~There he is. That smile and knowing look. He's picking me up to take me to the hospital and for this episode, our dramatized relationship consisting of only two is put on pause. So we can welcome our third.

"How are you?" He hurries his greeting.

"Better now" I grin and he shakes his head smiling.

Taking my hand he leads me down the steps of the Page to his car.

I hobble along and try and remember to breathe.

"Oh hell." He's says and scoops me and my swollen nine months pregnant belly up in his arms carefully. He sets me down just steps from the car and opens my door.

It's time.

It's all a blur from the mansion to the hospital and suddenly I'm on the delivery table. The pressure is too intense and I feel a pop at the bottom of my spine. Pain pain pain.

I can't remember when I'd felt anything this painful. All my senses are in high gear. My eyes roll back as another contraction takes me by surprise. I dig my nails into my palms.

"Ahhhhh!" I scream out.

Jayce isn't here. Where is he.

A blur of nurses and smells of blood and sweat overwhelm me. I wretch one was and then again. A nurse shoves a barf bag in my face and I swat at her.

"I'm sorr-eeeee" the reaction was a pure reflex I didn't intentionally attack the nurse.

The doctor lifts his head briefly from between my legs.

"One more. You're doing great but I need you to speed this along hon."

I bare down and release another scream as pain shoots from my spine to every nerve ending and back again.

I want to sleep.

"Almost there! Half a push and you're done!"

I bare down again as much as I can manage and relief floods my system.

"She's not breathing." The doctor rushes away with my tiny limp newborn.

What? What happened is she alive? Panic sets in but the world goes black before I can say anything.

I close my eyes briefly and am startled awake my a shriek that is all too familiar all too soon for hearing for the very first time.

And there she is on my chest.

~

I take a sharp breath in. The water's gone cold. How long have I been standing here?

A little dazed and still foggy from the spell of the flashbacks, I stumble out of the shower and dry off.

"Oh my— Emah, I'm—- you." Jayce stutters.

"What are you doing !?" My voice is hoarse. My eyes are wide and I grip the towel in front of me. Frozen. Naked, except for the shield of the towel.

"I had to —-" he gestures to the toilet and now looks utterly embarrassed.

I shake my head and laugh. Wrapping the towel around myself he steals a glimpse of my momentarily bare skin. I shuffle out and pull on my robe trying not to drop the towel before I'm covered and I retreat to the hall closing the bedroom door behind me. I lean against it feeling, for some odd reason, relieved that Jayce is now shut inside.

I'm nearly sprinting to Islas room. I reach the door and slow my pace. I poke my head in silently and she's a vision. Long flawless eyelashes fanning across her ivory skin. I watch her small chest rise and fall in an unwavering rhythm like a metronome. I'm glad she's still asleep.

After quietly closing the door I skip to the kitchen. Ignoring the fact that my ex is now in my house. In the Page Mansion... in my room. Sandy has started pancakes.

"Could we add maple waffles and bacon and a fruit bowl please!" I list frantically

"Yes Mis—"

But I'm already sliding on my socks down the hall. Every few steps.

One. Two. Three. Slide!

Again and again.

I feel excited and nervous and this is one small way I can release some pent up energy.

"Ma?" Isla is smiling and rubbing her sleepy eyes, stalking into the hall. I scoop her up and spin her around then kiss her quickly on her button nose before releasing her in a heap of giggles and joy.

"Get dressed love." I instruct.

When I close her door behind me I look up and to my surprise it is to find Jayce standing in a towel. He is holding it up firmly with one hand. His knuckles are white. He's nervous. To lose his towel? I squeeze my lips together in attempts to hide my clear amusement at the sight.

I imagine slipping the towel off of him and having him chase me frantic, full speed down this glorious great hall. "Stop it Emah." I scold my self in my mind. And the internal battle continues.

Flash~