This is hell

I'm thankful for Teo - she improved my mood just in time since after a quick lunch my last class of the day is Transfiguration. I make my way across campus and through the woods to where the class meets, dressed in the academy-issued skin tight spandex outfit, even though the Headmistress' orders are still ringing through my ears.

'You will not shift until I say so. Until I say you are ready'

'Perhaps next month,' she told me, when I asked about trying again.

She wants me to sit through this class and focus on my connection to my wolf, but not to try and shift in case it causes me harm again. I appreciate the caution, but I worry if I don't push myself I won't be able to improve and push past this weakness threatening me. Past the sigil and the wolfsbane that is overtaking me.

I need to fight back, and I am not sure that standing by the sidelines is the right course of action here.

Nonetheless, I have my orders from an alpha. The alpha of this academy, and I do not dare to bring any more attention to myself by breaking it.

So I swallow my pride, and keep my head low as I approach the students standing around and chatting with each other while we are waiting for the course to begin. I walk over to where I see Calvin since having at least one familiar and friendly face by my side is better than nothing.

I see he has on another pair of argyle socks, and my lip kicks up in a quick smile at the sight.

"Layla," he says at first with a tight smile, but his eyes reveal his concern as he looks me over. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, Cal," I point a finger in his face and narrow my eyes at him. "So put the pity away for some other sad soul who needs it," I tell him.

"I'm surprised to see you back already, but I am glad you are doing well." He raises his hands in surrender and his golden blonde curly hair moves when he shakes his head. "And it's Calvin, by the way," he adds in a quiet voice.

Even in his athletic clothes, he still looks like the class pet. He holds himself in an uncertain way, showing a lack of confidence in physical aspects, but is more comfortable in matters of the mind. Someone who finds comfort in stimulating the intellect rather than physical adeptness. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it does stand out in an academy full of training werewolves.

"Thanks," I mutter and look around us to make sure Audrey and her minions aren't snooping around or planning on bothering me before class starts. I spot them off to the side, out of hearing range...shit, I am actually not sure about that. They are out of hearing range for humans, but how well can werewolves hear?

I scrub a hand across my hand in frustration from feeling so behind.

Growling curses under my breath, I shake my hands and arms to loosen them from the involuntary fists I had made at my sides.

"Damn it, Cal. This sucks," I say, trying to calm myself down. I ignore him correcting his name again as my eyesight flashes red. "I'm already on edge."

He clears his throat and looks to where he left his school bag under a tree to the side of where we are standing. "There's some freshly made lilax tea in my bag, if you need it," Calvin says slowly.

"I just might, thanks pal. That stuff works like a dream." I give him a pat on the back and his nearly imperceptible flinch tells me he was surprised at the contact.

I hear snickers farther to my left and try to tune them out and pretend like I belong here.

Until I get my issues taken care of, that's what I'll be doing. They probably think me to be powerless, the weak one amongst wolves. In the wild, the weak don't survive. And in a wolf pack, it's a battle of dominance to prove who is on top.

Not one to listen to rumors or take judgements of others seriously, I had always raged against hierarchies and smashed through perceived notions of a pecking order set up by vapid teens in high school. Now, though, I can see ranks being formed and students grouping together in a way that feels natural to them. This may be a class of nippers, but we're still wolves at heart and will need to vie for a position amongst a pack.

As our abilities continue to sharpen and we become stronger, I expect that the competition will be fierce.

And I am still stuck, vulnerable and at their mercy. Something wolves are not known for.

At least until Mr. Dark, Stormy and Pain In My Ass takes this sigil off of me permanently.

As though my inner musings call to the devil himself, I feel the all-too-familiar heavy gaze at my back and feel his presence lingering in the forest behind me.

"This is hell. I am in hell." I say to myself.

His presence disappears as quickly as it came, and my chest lightens with the decrease of pressure that had built in the air.

Saved from any further irritations and welcoming the distraction, Genevieve exits from the line of trees and reaches the students in just a few graceful steps of her very toned legs. Her dark brown hair is neatly pulled into a high ponytail again and she looks even more radiant than the first time I saw her.

"Class, glad to see we are all here. Gather around, please." Genevieve says while motioning us to form a half circle around her. Calvin stands to my right, while an unfamiliar female stands on my left and gives me a small smile before turning towards the Professor.

"We are going to be spending the next few weeks perfecting our shift so that it becomes seamless and second nature. I want there to be no separation between your human form and your wolf. You should be able to switch between either skin with just a thought," Genevieve says while flickering her dark brown eyes over each of our expressions.

Her gaze doesn't single me out, which I appreciate.

A spark of blue crosses her eyes in a feral gleam. "For comparison, I'll shift," she tells us. An unbidden gasp of surprise escapes me when she starts to bend down onto all fours, but before her hands reach the ground she has transformed into the most beautiful wolf I have ever seen.

Her fur is a rich dark brown color with a golden sheen. Her usually dark eyes are now glowing a vibrant ice blue. She is so tall that she reaches me at chest height, and I know this because she pads her way over to me with her head angled down and her eerie eyes holding my gaze.

I let out a nervous noise, not sure if I should continue to hold the eyesight of the predator before me or to let my eyes drop. My instincts are a mess.

I keep an eye on the intimidating sight before me as she exposes her canines and I inhale a stuttered breath at the sheer length of them. But then her tongue lolls out of her mouth and she licks the side of my face, and an honest laugh is pulled from me as I nudge her head to the side and wipe the drool from my cheek.

The wolf's eyes shine with humor and she lets out a canine yip of excitement while wagging her tail. I can't help but grin and I reach a hand out to run my fingers through her thick mane of fur. For a predator, she sure is soft.

The difference between her flawless and nearly instantaneous shift and the clumsy attempts by my classmates is so vast it is nearly laughable.

I yell out a curse when the fur beneath my fingers disappears and is replaced by a very naked and very smug looking Genevieve. I rear back in shock, and she gives me a wink before sauntering back over to where her clothes fell to the ground.

A cursory glance around me proves that the rest of the class is gaping at her naked figure, and I swear there are stars in Calvin's eyes as he watches her retreating form.

"Nudity is natural, especially for werewolves. So get used to it, class," Genevieve says. "And if you behave in a manner that is anything else than the adults that you are," she adds while glancing towards Audrey and her friends. "Then you will find yourself removed from this class and failing at the academy."

After that session of show and tell, we break off and follow the instructions she gave us previously: submerge yourself into the feeling of your senses and center ourselves around our connection to the moon and the nature around us.

I close my eyes to follow her instructions and I sink into the feelings and tap into my senses that pick up what's around me. With no hope of being able to shift today, I practice feeling the spiritual connections placed within me by something as intelligible as an infectious bite.

Even though I have nothing to show for it, I do feel as though progress was made by the end of the class. So with my head held a little higher than before, I make my way back to the academy and get ready for my training session with Morwenna.

Not sure what to expect, I go back to my room and change into another athletic outfit, but one that covers a little more skin than the outfit assigned to us for Transfiguration.

I put my hair up in a tight bun, put on my sneakers and I am out of the door just a few minutes later. The walk to her office doesn't take very long, but I walk slowly and make an effort to pay attention to the sea of faces around me.

Many of the students I haven't bothered to acknowledge before, and I am starting to regret it now. I'd rather not be a lone wolf if I can avoid it, and I am sure my few public outbursts have done wonders for my reputation here.

So I offer a few friendly smiles here and there when I catch the eye of someone who looks somewhat familiar, meaning they are probably someone I briefly noticed in one of my classes. There are several people who ignore my pressing stare, but many also smile back at me.

Feeling accomplished, I arrive at the Headmistress' office with an extra pep in my step. Nelle is nowhere to be found, so I walk to the open doorway and peer into the office beyond, finding it empty as well.

I linger by the door, contemplating if I should wait for her inside her office. My curious eyes scan the room, her desk and her bookshelf for anything of interest. My foot has just left the ground to take a step into the room when I hear a voice behind me.

"Sorry for the wait, Layla," Morwenna says as she walks past me and heads into her office.

"I only just got here myself," I tell her with a smile. She closes the door behind me and goes to her desk to grab a few items from its drawers.

"I've had a bit of a long day," she says, bending over to retrieve a bottle from the bottom drawer. The liquid is amber in color and a pungent smell of alcohol wafts towards my nose when she uncaps the decanter. "It was shit, to be honest," she adds while throwing back a shot of the drink she just poured into a glass.

She holds her hand out for me to take a round glass ball filled with black liquid while she pulls another glass from her desk. When I free her hand of the item, she carries both drinking glasses in her hands while holding the bottle of liquor under her arm and looks at me expectantly.

"Well, give it a go," she says with a wave of her hands that are still holding the glasses.

"What?" I ask her, my eyebrows pulled together and my lips pinched in a frown.

"It's time to go, so throw down the potion and let's get going." Morwenna says impatiently.

"I don't know where we're going, though. What if I do it wrong?" I say slowly, wondering if it is her or myself that is missing something here. I remember her telling me that these only work when the potion wielder thinks of the destination at the right moment they use the item.

She nods her head once firmly. "Right," she says, while placing the drinking glasses back down on her desk and removing the bottle from her hold. "Good looking out, Layla."

I hold back a snort of amusement when she takes the glass ball from my hand and chucks it over her shoulder behind her. The glass shatters upon impact, the black liquid splattering across the floor before rising into a cloud of smoke in the air above it.

The portal comes to life, and Morwenna reaches back for the glasses and the liquor before walking though it, disappearing from sight.

"This is going to be fun," I say to myself while jogging through the portal behind her.