Finale 9

Volunteering in remote areas gives my sons and me not only a sense of pride and reward, but also great lessons in life. We often choose to work in a refugee camp, giving free medical check ups and free medicines and building schools for children and adults who are willing to learn.

Lack of sanitation. The mosquitoes and flies. The hostile weather. And most importantly, the skepticism they have on us. These are the things that we battle against in every place we go.

Skepticism. Let's be honest. About ninety percent of the time, you doubt other people's sincerity. Why? Because we are living in a world of bubbles--- fabricated news everywhere, turning families against each other, friends against friends. Everything turns bleak. We don't trust easily anymore.

Xenophobia. Skepticism comes after xenophobia. We fear something foreign--- something unknown, making it harder for us to accept anything or anyone that doesn't look like us or unfamiliar to us. This fear isn't just about the nation to nation as it is everywhere--- from technologies to people. People who don't look and speak like us. Fear that they might do us harm or take advantage of us. And with this fear spawns discrimination. If this is the problem, then the solution is simple--- acceptance and respect. Two things that are important, yet so easily thrown away.

That's the reason why I let my children and their cousins travel around as it can teach them lessons that schools can't provide. Volunteering can help us empathize with people, helping us realize how vast the world is and we are not the center of the universe.

One week in Lebanon gave us refreshing experiences--- just like the other volunteer works that we did before.

Now, it's time for real relaxation and where is the best place to do that? One place comes to my mind--- Isla del Fuego, our home away from home.

The inviting turquoise waters sparkle under the golden sun. A perfect getaway indeed, a perfect place to pamper ourselves. But as usual, we come here not only for its magnificence and coziness but also for a long-awaited rendezvous.

"Is this your own design?" I ask Belle, who is busily making adjustments on the white dress, flowing neatly on a mannequin.

"Yes, aunty," she manages to say while biting some safety pins.

"She's one lucky lady!"

She smiles at my statement.

"Every man and woman seems to be the luckiest person on their wedding day. And I am honored to be part of that glorious moment."

I nod. Then, I sigh.

"It feels heavy to give away my sons or my nephews."

She giggles. Then, she looks at me and speaks, "Uhm... how is he?"

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Ah.... you mean, my brother Jason?"

"Yeah."

"He's still a jerk!"

She lets out a harsh sigh. I grin at her reaction. I walk around the mannequin, admiring the intricate dress on it, the beads and sequins in sophisticated designs. I am loving every inch of it.

"Do you like it? Even if you won't ever wear it?" I ask, making her look at me with her expressive eyes full of questions.

I smile before I speak, "I mean the dress!" I say, pointing at it. "You know... you made it...gave your time and effort for it, but someone will wear it. You don't ever get a chance to put it on you. Haven't you ever felt regretful?"

She remains quiet for a while. Then, she leaves her dress to get some water.

"Want some, aunty?" she asks. I shake my head as I look at her, watching her every move, and entertaining myself in every reaction she does.

"Aunty... get straight to the point. You aren't talking about the dress, are you?"

"Well... I am," I tease. "Should I be talking bout something else?" I cross my fingers and rest my face on them as I wait for her answer. She looks down. I smile coyly.

"Aunty..." she says in a soft, almost inaudible, voice.

"Hmmmm..."

"What should I do?" she cries, wiping the tears on her blushed cheeks. I walk to her and give her a hug.

"You still love him, don't you?" I ask, prompting her honesty. She nods and cries louder, just in time for my younger brother to come in. He stands and watches us. I hold Belle's shoulders and lift her chin to meet my eyes.

"Look... I just want you to be honest with your feelings. Be honest with him. By then, you will find the answer that you've been craving for."

I gesture my brother's presence. She immediately wipes her tears and takes a deep breath to compose herself.

"I'll leave you to talk," I say before going out.

For a moment, they just stare each other, sharing tacit affection that no one dares to admit. Then, Jason turns to the white dress.

"Nice," he comments.

"Thanks," she whispers.

He looks at her for a couple of seconds more before sitting down on the sofa. He gestures her to sit beside him which she hesitantly follows. At that moment, all they know, all that govern, is their love for each other. The love that once bound them in a jovial union. The love that once there, but now drifts away, now forbidden.

"So... how are you?" Jason asks as they sit side by side. Both fighting the urge to embrace each other.

Wiping her red nose, she smiles faintly and says, "I am not sure exactly."

"A- are you happy?"

Belle cries silently as she tries to find her composure, but she fails. Her emotions are overpowering her.

"It's okay... if you don't wanna answer."

"No."

"What?"

"No. I am not happy. I feel so terrible, but I don't want to hurt his feelings as much as I don't want to be dishonest. I don't know."

"Why? Why are you unhappy?"

"Because... because... I still love you! No matter how I tried to forget you, I simply can't."

Jason brushes his hair with his fingers and lets out a harsh sigh. He closes his eyes as he tries to think rationally. His heart tells him to hug and kiss her right then and there, but his brain fights back, reminding him that she's not his lover anymore. He clenches his fists in frustration.

"Does he know about your feelings?" he asks. She shakes her head.

"I am afraid to hurt him."

"Belle... you already hurt your husband by the time you chose to marry him."

She looks at him with her eyes wide open. Shocked by his words that stab her heart.

"I love you. I do. But, this is utterly wrong. We should both try to let go of this emotion that's clouding our minds."

"For once, why don't you fight for your feelings? Why don't you fight for me? Stop being so upright and give us a chance!" she screams, clearly losing her cool. Driven by her suppressed emotions that now starts to be out of control, she forgets the class, the grace, the levelheadedness that she's known to possess and admired for.

Jason looks equally frustrated as he tries to calm her down.

"Belle! Belle!" he shouts while cupping her face. "Please... we can't talk this way. Calm down first. Please!"

She cries and cries until her eyes puffs. For a long time, she rests on his lap as she sleeps out of exhaustion from shouting and crying. They stay that way all night long.