I'm Sorry

The city was as lively as he remembered. All sorts of faces populated the streets and markets. Merchant's selling their wares and shouting out deals in accented voices filled the air. Blacksmiths were busy hammering on armor and swords while their apprentices aided them. It seems the need for such things has not dwindled even after the war. Farmers selling their crops and jewelers peddled brightly colored bracelets and rings were almost as plentiful as steel.

Alex felt lost in this new world, seeing so many people together and crowded so closely in the street's felt suffocating. He felt as if he was being watched and he was unimaginably paranoid. The sounds and movements of the people were intoxicating to his senses which had been trained to point out the smallest movement and hear the slightest sounds. He felt dizzy and he had to take refuge near the side of one of the stalls.

He could feel the onslaught of a headache so he just stood quietly against the wall trying to calm down. "-ey… H-y...Hey!" He looked up at an older man standing in front of him. He was taken aback at first and he jumped against the wall out of habit and hit his head against the stone.. "Woah there yungin, woah. Calm down."Alex winced as the pain from the collision seemed to knock him out of a daze, "I-I'm sorry! I didn't-" The oldman held up his hand, "It's alright, lad, I'm sure the war took its toll."

Alex rubbed the back of his head and the old man grinned, "So, what's a high ranking military man like yourself doing walking around the markets of the lower city." Alex took a deep breath, "Personal business, that's all." Alex took a good look at the old man. He had a long scar over the side of his face and he stood with the help of a wooden cane. "Well lad, take some advice from an old vet. Stick to the back allies until you calm those nervous of your's."

Alex took the advice to heart as he felt his heart beat racing, it felt as if he had run a marathon. "I think I'll do that, thank you." The old man smiled a toothless smile, "Don't worry, you learn how to calm yourself down before soon. You know what helps, "The old man handed Alex a red apple, "Eating something might do those tired eyes some good." Alex took the apple, "T-Thank you."

"So where are you heading? Personal or not you seem lost." The old man was right, Alex had been lost for a while now. He couldn't properly navigate with his nerves acting as they are. The old man raised an eyebrow as Alex handed him the piece of paper he had been trying to follow. He eyeballed it for a second, "Hmm, well first off your one road off, but it's not far. Hear follow me, I'll take you there."

Alex shook his head, "If you could just point me in the right direction I'll be on my way. I don't want to waste your time." The old man laughed, "Ha, what else does an old man like me have to do anyways but waist time. Come, I could use a good walk."

The old man walked slowly down an ally that they were near and Alex followed. "So, how long did you serve? Seeing as how young you are I can't imagine more than two years." "I-I served from the beginning, sir." The old man cocked his head, "Then you were either a fool, or a fool pushed you into the deep end too quickly."

The old man continued his walk, "Something like both, sir." The old man huffed, "I don't have much to argue with though, I lied about my age during the Meadele war so I can't say much." Alex took a bite of the apple as they walked and the old man told him some of his war stories seemingly taking advantage of the free ear.

He talked about the Meadele war mostly, about the battles and the conditions he and his comrades faced. Much of what he told Alex he had already experienced himself. He would momentarily ramble off and begin a new story in the middle of another. They turned a corner and walked back into an empty street and the old man pointed to one of the houses, "That will be the house you're looking for. Thanks for humoring an old man, it's not all the time someone will listen to my stories."

"It was a pleasure, thank you for showing me the way and for the apple." The old man nodded and started to head back the way they came before stopping, "Your… coming with news of that Beret boy… aren't you?" At the mention of his friend Alex's tongue caught in his throat, "...Y-Yes…" The oldman didn't turn around just slowly nodded, "... He was a good kid. He would always want to listen to my stories, but I think they may have got to his head." Alex felt a want to end the conversation, "Mabey."

The old man continued on his way, "Take care and try not getting lost again, I might not be around the next time." The old man disappeared around the corner leaving Alex to his thoughts as he stared at the house. He felt a growing desire to just walk away, to just leave and never come back. He took slow steps towards the door as he felt the desire to run away grow with each step.

He tried knocking on the door but the pain in his chest wouldn't allow him too. It felt as if his entire body knew what he was doing was wrong and tried desperately to stop him. He closed his eyes and knocked on the door nevertheless. "Just a second!" This is your chance, run. Drop the tags here and run. The words hung in his head as the door swung open revealing a middle aged woman wearing an apron and washing a cup with a rag.

"Hello Dear what can I-," she looked at his medals, "Your from the Military?" Alex nodded unable to find words. Alex was too busy looking at her eyes. They looked exactly like Beret's, green with Hazel in the middle. He tried to push word's out but he couldn't find any to say. Alex could do nothing but take the dog tags off and hand them to her. She took them in one hand and brought them to her chest. "Please… Come in dear."

Alex could feel his heartbeat quicken as he was led into the house and every step he took felt like one of his nightmares.He walked into a neat kitchen with shelves lining the walls holding cups or plates, or other things. In the middle was a wooden dinner table for four. She closed the door, "Please take a seat, dear, my husband out right now so it's just you and me." He walked over awkwardly and pulled out a chair and sat down. She hurried to take off her Apron and layed the rag and cup down before setting two tea cups on the table.

"When did you get back?" Alex found it hard to speak, "T-Today, Miss." She poured tea into the cups and sat down. "I see…" The two sat quietly and Alex had to use all his strength to not break down from the stress. He had been preparing for this day a long time, but it was so much worse than he thought. Finding the words were difficult and speaking them moreso.

"I-I'm sorry… I couldn't bring him back." The woman laid the tags on the table, "Your Alex, aren't you?" He looked up surprised and she smiled, "I've read a great deal about you. Berry would alway write about you in his letters, all the kind deed's you had done for and with him. He also wrote about all the times you saved him."

Alex looked down as it got harder to compose himself. "He described you pretty well, but all I needed was your eye. Emerald was an understatement." Alex noticed the look on her face. She wasn't mad, she wasn't breaking down into tears, or trying to hit him. Alex reached into his pocket and brought out a closed and bloodstained envelope, "Beret wrote this before he d- before he passed. He made me promise to give it to you personally." He tried handing it to her but the blood must have spooked her, "I-It's mine." She gave him a look and took the note carefully avoiding the blood.

Alex could feel himself reaching the limit, "I-I'm terribly sorry but I-I need to get going. I'll be staying at the Send Off Inn." He could already feel tears start to swell up in his eyes. He picked up his pack and walked to the door. She got up as well and followed, "Oh, of course." Before he could take the handle Beret's mother took his hand. He already felt the tears running down his face, "Alex, I can see that his death is eating you up inside. I know you think it's your fault, but it's not."

Alex felt his legs turn to Jelly and his chest begin to hurt. "You were his friend, you were able to show him something other than death and destruction while surrounded by it. It is that reason that I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you were there for him in the end." She hugged him, "Let it out, all your frustration, your pain." He began to cry, the pain began to fade with each tear. He dropped the bag and slowly slid to the ground still being held. "It's not your fault, so don't go about hurting yourself as if it was." He sobbed into her shoulder and she just rubbed his back.