Chapter 22

I decided to take Vic's advice about talking to someone seriously. Maybe it would make it easier to get over all of this crap if I could actually learn to trust someone on campus again.

Because that was one of the problems I was having. I felt completely alone at school. There wasn't anyone I felt like I could really rely on or trust if I needed them. To be honest, I never really thought that was something I would need. But I trusted Vic and knew that he wouldn't have suggested that to me if he didn't think it would help me.

So that was how I found myself journeying to Alex's office during his office hours. It was on a day that I didn't have his class, but he had said that I was welcome to come talk to him if I needed to. He wasn't a therapist by any means, but I liked him and he was a few years older than me, so maybe he'd have more advice to give. Who knows?

I went to the art building when I had the time and walked upstairs to his office. I peered in and saw that he was there, but already talking to someone else, as if they were about to leave.

I bit my lip and stood quietly by the doorway until he noticed me.

"Oh, hey Kellin, is everything alright?" he asked, looking a little concerned. My eyes flickered to the guy next to him, a shorter guy with blond hair and a bright smile. He and Alex seemed close.

"Yeah, I'm just . . . I was wondering if you were free to talk, but if you're busy that's okay . . . Um, I'll come back another day," I mumbled, awkwardly. Alex and the other guy exchanged a quick bit of silent communication before he spoke again.

"No it's no problem, we were just about to step out to grab a bite to eat. Do you want to come with us?" he offered, sweetly. The guy next to him smiled, which suggested that he might have been just as nice of a guy as Alex was.

"No, it's okay, I don't want to interrupt anything," I insisted. Oh god, I felt so weird. The idea of being a burden made me uncomfortable.

"Not at all, come on," Alex said, then nodded in the direction they were headed. I hesitated a moment before finally following them out. We went back down the stairs and out of the building when Alex turned back around and added. "And oh my god, I completely forgot, Kellin, this is Gabe."

"Hi," I said, shyly. "I'm Kellin."

"Oh, I know who you are. You're only Alex's favorite student," he teased as Alex rolled his eyes. "Oh," I said, not sure how to respond. "Are you a grad student, too?"

"Oh, nah, I was just meeting Alex for lunch today . . . we're dating, by the way, he didn't mention that because he's a jerk," Gabe said, shooting Alex a playful look. Alex just attempted to give him a disapproving look, but ended up all smiles instead.

"Whoa really! I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Alex," I said. Heck, I didn't even know he was into guys. Maybe I had more in common with Alex than I thought. That immediately took a bit of the edge off.

"Eh, I mean he's kind of a loser," he said sarcastically, still unsuccessfully containing a smile.

"Oh shut up, you love me," Gabe shot back, and I found myself actually laughing at their exchange. Alex gave me a friendly smile before dropping his hand from his pocket so he could thread his fingers with Gabe's. They were cute together, but it made me miss Vic even more because holding his hand was one of my favorite things.

"So how was your Thanksgiving, Kellin?" Alex asked me.

"It was good . . . I spent it with Vic and his family," I said, making myself sad all over again by thinking about it. I missed Vic so much and it only been a day since I left.

"Oh, that's great . . . Vic is Kellin's boyfriend, by the way," Alex told Gabe for his clarification. I smiled as he spoke those words.

"Oh, cool," Gabe said, nodding. We came up on the restaurant they were on their way to which happened to be just a little sandwich shop. I had never been in there before and it made me sad. Over the past few months I had gotten so used to trying new places with Vic and every time we'd go, he'd always be so good at picking out what to try, or making suggestions about what he thought I would like. I felt like trying something new without him was some sort of cardinal sin.

This, like just about everything else, reminded me of him. I wished spring semester would just hurry up and start so he would be back on campus with me.

We went up to the counter and ordered our subs. Alex offered to pay for mine as well, but I told him I felt bad enough intruding on their outing and refused. I ended up getting a rather boring cold cut sub and brought it back to the table where Gabe and Alex were sitting across from each other already. I smiled awkwardly at them and slid into the booth next to Alex.

"Again, I'm so sorry about ruining your date," I said, unwrapping the sub from the parchment paper. "No, this is totally not a date anyway, you're fine," Alex assured me.

"Yeah, if Alex took me to a sandwich place for a date I'd kick his ass," Gabe chuckled. Alex smiled fondly across the table at him before taking a bit of his sandwich.

"I'll be right back- bathroom," Gabe muttered, before standing up and leaving the table. I noticed the light touch he placed against Alex's shoulder before he headed out.

"So are you okay?" Alex asked me. I was thankful that he didn't try bringing up any of my problems while Gabe was present. That would have felt so embarrassing.

"I think so, I don't know," I shrugged. "I've just been feeling lonely and you're the only person I can think of that I feel sort of comfortable talking to . . . I'm sorry, I know that sounds, like, really stupid."

"No, not at all," he assured me. "I told you, you can talk to me whenever you want."

"Thank you, I really appreciate that, like, you have no idea," I sighed, feeling relieved that he wasn't being all weird about one of his students trying to be friends with him.

In fact, Alex turned to me and gave me an even more reassuring hug. I felt only slightly uncomfortable, but hugged him back anyways. I inhaled deeply, proud of myself for accepting the comfort. The hug lasted only a second or so and when he let go I turned slightly to stretch.

When I turned, I noticed Vic's brother heading out the door. I was going to call after him so I could say hi, but I didn't think he saw me. Before I could say anything, he was already out the door anyway. Oh well.

I turned back around and went back to my sandwich. Alex asked if there was anything specific I wanted to talk about, but I told him there wasn't. As much as I really wanted to just talk about everything, Gabe was on his way back, and I didn't quite feel comfortable talking with him yet. Alex told me he understood.

When Gabe came back, he started talking to us about a weird sticker he saw in the bathroom. The conversation was light and friendly, and I didn't realize it before hand, but I think it was exactly what I needed. Just some friends to laugh with, and not have to worry about too much.