Chapter 3. Forgive Me

Point of view: Emara Stone

Damison Groups of Work.

Vacancies: 8

Education: Engineering in IT field or MBA in Finance & Management (Preference given to the higher degree)

Perfecto.

Ethan has a degree with a high GPA and A1 grade overall. I can borrow his degree to get a high paying job. We are twins and some of our feathers are identical except his toned muscles as I look quite skinny in front of him.

As for now, I have to focus on making money and being independent. Also, he is on a vacation, he will never come to know that I used his degree or identity. And even if he did, he can forgive his one minute late little sister, right?

But his id says, Male.

I just wish I had a twin sister. It would be easy to fake her. I might go on a date with her boyfriend someday and both might never know of it even.

Hmmm…

Thank God I don't have a twin sister. She would have taken my boyfriend and I would have never known about it.

I look at Ethan's pictures hanging in our living room, my eyebrows raise a few centimeters as I check out my brother. Clothes I can steal it from Ethan's cupboard, makeup for fake beard, and shoes I can buy. But what about my little boobs and my not so little hair?

This is where I go to my teacher.

YouTube.

Okay... So I have to bandage my breast with a cloth to make them look flatter than they are right now. Then wear a wife beater and a shirt on it to make it look flat like a road.

Done.

But what about my hip length hair? I can't afford a five hundred dollar wig, those fake hairs are expensive. In that case, it leaves only one option.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to gather all the guts inside me. My heart pumps fast for what I am about to do.

I can do this.

It's just hair.

They will grow back.

Focus on the money.

Freedom.

It's not even a week since I bleached and colored my hair to blue. I was so happy with the color and texture as it made me look like a species from Pandora. An avatar princess.

I slowly take the scissors from the drawer. I divide my hair into two sections and bring it in front of my shoulders. I see my long thick blue hair reach till my belly button in the mirror. I wanted long hair since the fifth grade when Ethan cut off one of my ponies when I was sleeping because I broke his video games console. He is such an ass.

Everyone used to compliment my long hair, I use to even oil them twice a week so they don't lose their shine and silkiness. I never thought I would be doing this. I loved the length of my hair that I didn't even trim them from the past six months. A silent tear escapes from my eyes as I hold them in my fist, for the last time.

I love you.

But it's not you.

It's me.

It's my fight.

I'm sorry you are in the middle of this.

You have been always good, except in monsoon and sometimes in winter.

I am sorry.

Forgive me.

It feels like I am breaking up with them. My long thick hair, you will be missed.

I take one section and start to cut them just below my ear, though my hand is miserably shaking I keep cutting them. The chopping sound of my hair makes my tears unstoppable and I feel them rolling down my cheeks to the chin.

I watch my hair fall freely from my shoulders to my feet, falling like feathers. Is time running slow?

The lump in my throat is getting heavy, making it hard to gulp my saliva. I feel the wetness on my cheeks. I look up in the mirror and see the uneven cut of hair, some hair is stuck on my wet cheek which made me cry harder. All these years I took care of them like my baby, now I am cutting my babies.

I cut the remaining hair off, then on the other side.

Forgive me.

I collect the hair from the floor and put them in a plastic bag as I wipe tears off my face.

Even if they died, they will still be useful to me.

I'll sell them to buy shoes.

It's too late to turn back now. I am ready to become Ethan now.

I am ready to be nerdy.