Chapter 3

Once the rain had subsided and I had been left alone with my thoughts for far to long I climbed down from my tree house and went inside. Changing into some dry clothes I heard my father finally get up. After greeting me with a 'Goodmorning' he shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen. He was already ready for what today brought. Dressed in his signature button-up shirt and tie, he laced his shoes. While I was left to sulk in the dark front room of our house while he got the car. I acted like a sponge, absorbing in all the memories that we had created in this house and it burned me.

My father honked the horn signaling me that it was time to leave. As I shut the front door behind me and mopped to the car. The rain was completely gone by this point. Only leaving dark clouds and a gloomy, wet setting behind.

Sitting on the cold leather seats of my dads truck I turned the AC off and sat there with a sigh.

I needed to see her even if it wasn't really her and just a big piece of rock in her place. My father put the car in drive and after several slow and agonizing minutes we finally arrived. I gripped onto the single rose that I carried in my hand. While I was walking through the muddy backyard earlier I had noticed one of my mothers rose bushes had bloomed so I picked one so she could see. I remembered how much she loved roses, the look, the feel and the smell. She kind of reminded me of a rose, beautiful and gentle but also delicate and so easily taken away.

As I placed the rose on top of her grave I ran my hand down the front of the engraved rock.

"Hi mom" I smiled

Looking back at the car I saw my dad looking in the opposite direction as if it disgusted him to even think about his wife.

Shifting my gaze back to the stone I felt tears prick my eyes. Blinking a couple times in hopes to keep my face dry I failed. Tears ran down my eyes as I hit to my knees and clasped my hand tightly together, looking you at the cloudy sky.

"Why? Why didn't you take my mom away?!" My sobs worsened as I hugged her headstone.

"Mom I miss you so much, no one ever talks about you anymore. I can't even get dad to mutter your name. He just goes about his day like nothing happened and I don't know why" i sobbed as I pulled myself as close as physically possible to the cold stone. My heart hurt as my chest heaved up and down trying to keep myself from hyperventilating. My lungs ached for air that I desperately tried to provide. My arms left the freezing rock and my hands grasped the grassy ground pulling some of the wet vegetation.

As the sky started to sprinkle once again I got up and slowly got up from the damp ground.

"It was nice to see you again mom, I love you" I turned around a ran forwards the car before knocking on the window. My face was red and puffy and my eyes still tear filled as I opened the door and climbed back into the air conditioned vehicle. I immediately looked out the window so my father couldn't see my face. We sat there in a couple minutes of silence before he sighed and started the car before driving back to the house.

As I silently starred out the window of the truck I saw flashbacks of my mom.

About a month before the car crash I was playing in one of my baseball games and we had just lost the game and I thought it was all my fault. After the game my mom came up to me.

"Hey, Calvin what's the matter?" My mother said.

"Nothing mom I'm fine" I said brushing off her comment even though I was on the verge of tears.

"I'm your mother, I know when something is wrong, now tell me" she stated while squatting down to my level and whipping some dirt of my cheek.

"It's all my fault mom" I sniffled

"Honey no it's not, people lose all the time but it's never one persons fault alone, you win as a team and lose as a team" she smiled and pulled my into a hug.

"I love you mom"

"I love you too Calvin"

What was a sentimental moment ended when my father came and told it was time to go. I smiled and ran up to him hugging him before we went home.

Pulling my mind away from that happy memory I was back in the depressing current time. A time where my mom wasn't alive and there to whip my tears when I needed it. A time where my mom wasn't here at all whether it be mind, body or spirit, she was just gone altogether.

As my dad pulled up to the drive way I saw my friend Tracey at my front door. She turned around as she heard the car pull up as I walked out. She examined my outlook, running her eyes over my damp and muddy pants and and tear stained face.

"I-I was just wondering if m-maybe you wanted to hang out?" She stuttered.

"I'm not really in the mood right now sorry" my gaze was at the watery ground.

I didn't know how I would react if I looked at her face. What was I supposed to do the rest of my life? Never look at a girl ever again? Keep on crying every time every little thing reminded me of my mother? I couldn't live like this anymore. The fact that my father went about it like nothing happened. Like he never married my mom, like he never loved her.

I love my father but how did he do this?