The Series of Unfortunate Events (pt. 8)

Okay so here's what happened. I saw the sign for the French border, screamed 'FREEDOOOOOOOOOM—OH WHAT THE FUCK!' And crashed into a tree.

Okay so technically I didn't crash into a tree, it was more of a hard bump that I recovered from very quickly. And thank God that it wasn't a full crash too because I would have never managed to escape if it had been. Oh, yeah, did I tell you why I crashed? No, you say? Okay so the thing is that I was speeding towards the French border recklessly and getting ready to finally drink a nice glass of Cabernet Sauvignon with a perfect cheese board when the signature black Mercedes van that my fathers Austrian henchmen used came into view.

The van was blocking the road, effectively preventing me from crossing without them seeing or following me. Perfect, wasn't it? My father couldn't be here himself so he fucking sent the Austrians to catch me and take me to him like a stray animal. I was going to kill him.

For once, would it be such torture for him to let me vibe in peace and do my own thing? I had an Italian empire to take over AND HE WAS RUINING IT! Like seriously, IT WASN'T THAT HARD!

Sorry, I'm overwhelmed.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?" I couldn't reverse and take another road because they would for sure see me and it would be very suspicious. I couldn't go forward and continue the route because they would see me and follow. I couldn't go through the fields because they would hear me. There was nothing I could do! I was trapped! "Again. Seriously, Katarina, how do you keep getting yourself in these situations?"

There was nothing to do, so I simply turned off the car and waited. Waited for what? Not sure, but I was waiting for it anyway. When the right moment arrived, I'd take it. Now the only thing was making sure that I didn't completely fall asleep and miss it, so I did the next best thing and ate.

I had completely finished the first calzone, and now I was quickly tearing through the second one. This stuff was good and I had never eaten a calzone before in my life. I made it a point to stay away from Italian food. Too many carbs and that wasn't good for my waistline or my cholesterol. Still, I could understand why people loved it so much.

The second calzone was halfway gone and I was on my fifth bottle of coffee when I saw a giant dump truck coming this way. What in the world was a dump truck doing this far out? "Don't question it, Katarina, that's an angel sent by Mary herself."

Quickly jumping into action, I used the noise from the truck as a distraction to drown out the sound of me turning on my car and driving through the field. It seemed like forever until the truck pulled up far enough for me to step on the gas pedal and get up on the road. I didn't hesitate to do a sharp turn and speed off in the opposite direction of whatever situation was behind me. I didn't even care if everyone realised what was happening. I needed out and I needed out immediately.

From what I could see in the rear view mirror, the dump truck had covered me the way it was supposed to and I had made a clean escape. Breathing a sigh of relief, I took a celebratory sip of the coffee bottles and silently cheered to myself. I made it! I was out of the field and completely free to take another route across the border! Once I was on french ground, I would be completely free because France was neutral territory.

Thank goodness for peace treaties, am I right?

Thankfully, I was able to make it a ways without being followed, or so I thought. Just when I was about to turn into another backroad and continue my path, a black van sped up and stopped in front of me, causing me to slam my foot on the brake pedal and watch astounded and the van door slid open. "Shit!"

I quickly shifted the gear into reverse and turned my head to try and speed my way through the roads backwards until I could at least get to another road. Once again I regretted not sleeping while I had the chance because my reaction time was so slow that I didn't notice the van coming up to me from behind and slamming into the trunk of my car. It was an ever present thought in my mind that I had to act fast, but I was too late at getting to shift gears because a van slammed into me from the passenger side.

I was sent careening into the swamp beside the road and my head hit the interior frame of the car.