I abruptly took my hand from his grasps. The sudden tingling sensation was overwhelming that I have the urge to withdraw from it. Somehow, it gives off an ominous feeling not to cross.
"What do you think you are doing?" I angrily asked.
For a second, I saw his ashamed expression, but it was immediately wiped out as he smiled sparingly. He looked as if it was a natural thing to do.
"I know you are aware of it already. It was my fault that I gave up on my feelings from the start, but it was just getting stronger. The more I see you, the more I can't help my feelings anymore. Tell me, my Empress, what should I do?"
I was perplexed by how he said it to me. The sound of it is full of sorrow and suffering. Have I made this wonderful man pitiful without me knowing? He looked at me with pleading eyes and it causes me pain seeing him like this. What happened? How did it happen? My mind jumble thinking of the possibilities. It concerns me that he changed.
"Stop this nonsense, Lucas. I will pretend not to hear these words, you've spoken. I don't know what you are implying, but I will not tolerate it next time." It is necessary as I can't afford any rumors around me as my husband is away and at war. Everybody knew that we have not yet consummated our marriage since the fact that my husband immediately left just before our wedding night.
"Ha! You are really a cruel woman Yuna. But this feeling never changes even years had gone by." he said while shaking his head in amusement. He sighed before looking straight in my eyes. His expression suddenly changed as if I have given him a challenge he needs to accomplish. "I guess I've taken much of your time Empress, please allow me to escort you My Majesty."
He stands up and offered his hand to me. I hesitate to accept it first, but I don't want to lose face. Somehow, I feel guilty for feeling concerned about this triviality. I am the Empress of this Empire. Excessive emotion is a big no. Being firm is a big yes and a must. I scolded myself for being weak. I guess I am not as strong as I am supposed to be. I need to focus on my resolve. Being emotional is reckless. Lucas was my childhood friend. I cannot accept his feelings like he wants to be.
We walked silently and went on separate ways. I could still feel his lingering look as I walked away from him.
****************************
It was already late in the evening when one of my ladies-in-waiting checked on me.
"My Majesty, please do take a rest. You also need to take care of your body." Sarah has been always the one who checked on me at a time like this. She is my closest aide as well as a friend. I always feel her sincerity and concern.
"Yes, I just need to finish this part and take a rest after," I replied as I read the paper I am holding.
She waited in silence, as usual, to make sure that I do as I said. She was sure that if she was not around, I will continue like no tomorrow. She greatly takes good care of me. I am always thankful that she was on my side.
"Empress, you seemed deep in thought. Was it about what happened with the Duke? You seemed bothered by it." Of course, not all my ladies in waiting have the courage to say it in my face. I just allow Sarah since I consider her a friend.
I sighed. Being part of the Imperial household at the same time the head, there is not really such a thing such as privacy. How sad, but that's how is it. My private life is also an open book. All the important decisions I made were recorded in the diary. The diary is an official journal of the Imperial family and I am not an exemption.
"Of course, I am bothered." I sighed once again. "What do you think should I do?"
"How about setting up a fiancé for the Duke, Empress?" Sarah suggested. It wasn't the first time that it was suggested. The Duke was a sought-out bachelor of the Empire. His look, wealth, and title are enough to make every single lady aim for him as a husband and be the duchess, the second-highest title for a woman of this Empire. All the women are looking forward to being chosen as his wife. Most of the nobles with single daughters are suggesting it during the sessions. There is only one Duke in the Empire, which is Duke Lucas. To produce an heir is Noble's duty. To have strong ties and power is a dream of each noble house. To be secured financially and be well-known throughout the Empire is their aim. And only the Duke, who is still unmarried the biggest fish to catch on.
"I will think about it." We walked on the way to my bed chambers. The maids took off my dress and prepared a good bath for my tired body. After, I was led to my bed. A glass of warm milk was also prepared as I suffered from insomnia. I drank it first before laying. I closed my eyes, unaware that this time, I will explore another kind of dream that I unconsciously yearn for.