Chapter 11: Remember Your Place

The moment I was out of Mom's reach I kicked myself for even believing a word she'd said in her heavy handed and blunt manipulation. I had no idea if this empathy thing came from her or not, but whatever power gave it control over me could take it back and choke on it.

How could I ever believe Mom actually trusted in me or saw me as a favorite? After years of disappointment, frustration, hurt? I stomped my way through the side garden, carrying the hateful high heels in one hand. While I had enough rebellion in me to take them off I wished that courage went so far as to allow me to chuck them into the glistening river. Instead they swung from my numb fingers like spies lingering and lurking that I couldn't quite escape.

Leave it to Daphne to make my day worse. I was almost to the west wing staircase, winding upward into the Tree, just wanting my room and a place to hide for a while. I could close my door and maybe pretend I wasn't stuck in the Garden for the next six months, that Mom wasn't acting like a total freak and that no one would notice me if I just stayed quiet and out of the way.

My head down, chest aching with the need to scream, I almost collided with my sister. I gasped, pulled to a halt, my toes digging into the warm grass as I stared at her with unconcealed horror. This wasn't what I'd hoped for. Daphne's expression told me everything I needed to know. Gone were my chances of blending in and hiding out. The next six months were going to be the worst of my life.

"Eve." She ground her teeth together, beautiful face ugly with all that vitriol hiding behind her smooth cheeks and large, blue eyes. "I have no idea what Mother is up to, but you can forget the idea you matter." She likely meant her tone to be sweet and dripping sarcasm, but there was too much disdain in it for her to get away with fake niceties. "And as for our little assignment together," she shuddered visibly, pale skirt trembling in time with her motion, "if you think you will ever redeem yourself to anyone in Life, you will remember your place. As the loser you are."

I didn't speak, unable to from the pressure of her emotions feeding into my empathy. It was hard not to hate myself, to fall on my knees and allow her feelings to become my own. Beg her to release me from the horrible truth of my existence. If she knew how close I was to hurtling myself into the river she'd be thrilled, I was sure. My only defense, as it had always been, was to hold still and ride out the storm.

Daphne spun and left, her flock of matching sisters flouncing off after her. Cadence's concerned frown and little finger wave took the edge off, her support continuing, it seemed, if out of sight of Daphne. I let them go, breathing slowly and with precision, counting back from fifty and focusing on the numbers as best I could. When I was done, I sagged, the last of the dangerous emotion draining away, wishing for once instead of absorbing the feelings of others I could use my own as a weapon. Or, at the very least, get mad. Because when it was over and I was alone? Anger bubbled, boiled, frothed like frustrated magma buried beneath the crust of my empathy. Untapped, unusable in the face of others.

I had the worst life.

It was still early but I felt drained from the business of the day and just wanted to lie down. It meant no supper for me, but my stomach would survive missing a meal. I climbed the curved golden stairs up into the Tree, stepping off halfway to the top on my branch. The thick limb formed a large, airy cocoon of entwined twigs and leaves, punctuated by bubbled windows overlooking the Garden. I sank into my bed, the cup of a giant plant with soft, white sheets and a pillow of flowers making me gag just a little.

It was hard not to cry but I managed. It was my only rule, now. Crying happened when I lived in Death. Life didn't get to see me weep.

The shining shoes stared at me in silence from the floor as I sprawled down into the bed and closed my eyes.

***

It envelops me, welcomes me, whispers its secrets in my ear though I'm blinded by the mist that knows my name. Rising from within me and embracing me from without, it is to me as a second heartbeat, a soul I should know, should understand, its message lost in the whispering of its undulations.

A storm brews in the distance, the sound of thunder echoing back to me, lightning lighting the sky with flashes so bright I'm blinded over and over. The mist becomes the storm, absorbing it, speaking through its voice, booming at me though I don't understand what it's trying to say. A face appears, the head of a dragon, his gaze familiar, dark scales shining, bright, green eyes unblinking. I know him well, don't I?

Seth. First of my creatures.

And then I'm falling into the clouds that surround me, lost in the depths of the dark and light swirling coolness, feeling my emotions rise, a massive, uncontrollable surge of joy and fury singing in my soul, my turn to devour the storm and swallow it whole, filling me with more power than I ever imagined, renewed and ready to emerge at last-

***

I jerked upright. Well, I tried to, the slight panic and rush of emotion from the dream drawing a gasp from my lips. But the weight on my chest pinned me to the bed, smooth, rainbow scales and a blunt nose slithering sideways into my vision. Lilith's long, red tongue flickered outward, tickling my lips, her pale, pink eyes dead and dull. I fought for a full breath while my mother's advisor settled the rest of her weight over my legs and hissed softly.

"Welcome home, Eve," she said. "We've missed you in the Garden." She had the faintest of lisps, making "missed" sound like "mithed" but there was nothing amusing about Lilith. Her quiet, dusty voice always gave me the creeps, though her gorgeously patterned skin of writhing rainbow scales that seemed to reflect light from within had fascinated me since I was a baby.

"Thank you," I said. "Can you get off, please?" One never bossed Lilith around. Like Corvus in Dad's realm, she had been the advisor to Life since before Mom was on the throne. Eternal and elemental, the serpent was a force to be reckoned with. She'd never really shown much interest in me aside from the occasional stare and flat toned judgment of my failures. But I still respected her, had seen her strike at one of my errant sisters who thought talking back was a good idea.

I don't think Capricorn ever fully recovered the use of her right arm.

"You were dreaming." Lilith settled her head on my shoulder, humming softly in my ear. "Something delightful or fearful, I could not tell."

"Both," I said, bit my lip. No use lying to her. "Just an old dream." But not so much. Different this time. Richer and fuller though the details of it left me quickly. A face, there was a face and a name and a storm I'd never felt before. It left me as I tried too hard to hold onto it.

She didn't comment, sliding slowly free of me, coiling herself on the floor next to my bed. She held herself upright, her wide, blunt face at my chest height when I stood, body as thick as my thigh in places, easily twelve feet long.

"Your mother," Lilith said as I shook off the last of sleep, "seems to think pushing you to continue your tasks as an angel of Life will finally wake your ability to succeed." It was impossible to tell if the snake approved.

"She's sending me out with Daphne." I sank to the edge of the bed, the smell of flowers clinging to me from my pillow, the blossoms there renewing themselves even as I rubbed my arms with both hands. Bits of my hair clung to my cheek and I peeled the strands away with disgust. Had I been drooling? At least Mom's magic wouldn't let my messy mass of mayhem get too far out of control. Only benefit to Life I'd ever found.

"I see." Lilith paused, silent a long moment. I almost interrupted, wondering if the awkward silence was only something I felt when the snake sighed. "I worry." She... what? "For you, Eve. And for your mother." Not for the mortals whose lives I was about to screw up. Well, I suppose that made sense. Lilith was eternal and didn't think about the minor existence of those of the mortal realm the way we did. "I have been in the confidence of Life since Time began," she said. "But, when it comes to you, Isis refuses to share her thoughts. As it has been since she chose to break the law and mate with your father."

So that was the problem. Not that I might be in trouble or could be hurt but that the snake was feeling snubbed. "That's too bad," I said, looking away, not meaning it but unable to muster enough rebellion, as always, to talk back.

Lilith hissed again, her head settling on my shoulder. "There is something coming for you, Eve," she said. "Something I can't foresee or guess. Only that your mother is pleased and that worries me more than you know."

"She's changed," I said. Why was I telling her closest advisor anything Mom could use against me? Maybe Lilith was just here to spy on me. But no, it felt different, like she was right. I was coming to some sort of crosspath of my own. And the eagerness that met that thought excited me. "She's treating me like one of her favorites even though I've always been her biggest disappointment."

Lilith lifted her head, tongue tasting the air, pink eyes expressionless. Not a single emotion passed between us, and that was the most unnerving of all. I had no idea what the snake was feeling, her entire aura a dead zone of stillness. "What changed?"

I shrugged, thought of the hallucination I'd had. "It's my birthday," I said. "And I saw a door."

The serpent hissed, though in irritation at my lack of details or out of her own frustration I wasn't sure. "Isis's motivations are her own," she said at last. "And, I fear, her ambitions have grown larger over the years, not smaller." She sighed. "It's been overlong since she took her throne but any attempt to convince her to retire, to pass on the realm to a successor, has fallen on angry ears."

Interesting and scary all at the same time. The very fact Lilith was having this conversation with me sent a sudden thrill of fear into my heart. "You don't think I'm-"

The snake laughed, a soft, whispering sound, like sand tossed against a window pane. "No," she said. "The throne will go to another." Probably Daphne. I couldn't imagine a bigger disaster, aside from my own stumbling messes. And yet, my sister had been training for it her entire life, centuries now to my sixteen turns of the wheel. It was easy to forget most of my siblings were far older than me, some by decades, others by hundreds of years.

"For now," Lilith said, sliding toward the doorway, her coils rubbing together, iridescence filling the room with sparkles, "know that I am on your side, Eve." She paused, tongue flickering, flickering. "And have always been. Come to me at any time for counsel. I am at your service."

"Thank you." I didn't know what else to say.

Lilith paused one last time, rearing up until she filled most of the doorway with her height. "A suggestion for your sister. That she take on the tasks your mother sets and the two of you agree to subterfuge in that action."

"You want me to lie to Mom." She might as well have slapped me with her tail or bitten me with those big, white fangs.

"A deception of protection," Lilith said. "Think on it. I will mention it to Daphne." She left, the tip of her tail twitching as she disappeared out my door and from my sight.

I sat on my bed a long time, wondering what happened to my life. Mom pretending I was her pet, Lilith offering to help, Dad taking my side at last...

One thing was certain. Something had shifted. And I didn't know if it was a good thing or not.

***