Chapter 12: Map

I cannot sleep. My mind is too busy, my need for more answers too powerful. I toss and turn on the pile of old blankets and burlap Poppy guided me to. She's been quiet and reserved since we returned from the hoarder's warehouse. I suppose I can't blame her.

When I do doze off at last, I'm plagued by nightmares, snippets of memories, the ache of longing tinged with the terror of the unknown. I am back in the lab, I know it is the place I'm from. But it is damaged, broken, aged as the world I've found myself is aged, left to rot and fall apart. I search halls along endless corridors for those I love, only to find them dead-Poppy, the strange version of me in colorful ink and metal, the man, even the dog. But the worst is the woman, she who has my heart, my soul. Is she my mother? I do not know. My nightmares have her dying under my hands as they glow with faint phosphorescence.

When I rise, I'm more tired than I was when I laid down, though I find the food Poppy hands over helps revive me. More stew. I can imagine I'll grow tired of it soon.

Except I won't be here much longer. I woke with a decision made, the images of these people dead and dying around me fresh from my dreams. I must go on. And I must do it alone.

I dread saying goodbye to Poppy so I instead look for Beckett. He finds me first, drawing me aside.

"You didn't tell me what the seer said."

He must be psychic. I fill him in on everything Dauphine said while he nods and frowns.

"The library," he says. "I know where it is. I can draw you a map."

He won't meet my eyes. Beckett understands, or has chosen to send me on alone. I pat his shoulder, wanting him to know the choice is mutual.

Somehow I don't think he feels better.

"Watch for the Brights, but only at night." He leads me along the corridor to another room where he rummages for a sheet of paper. It is old, yellowed around the edges and obviously precious. A stub of a pencil appears out of one of his pockets and he begins to draw the streets for me. "But they aren't the only ones to avoid. You know about Cade's people. They are here." He draws a 'C' in a section of the map he sketches. "The Crawlers are everywhere and nowhere." He scowls. "Just stay close to buildings and try not to go out into the open if you can help it."

I nod, watching his fingers draw lines and arrows.

"The Howls." He looks up from his art. "They are the most violent. Also cannibals. Crazy, you get it? Will attack a parked car for no reason."

My heart pounds once.

"The Shambles." He sighs, straightens up, runs one hand over his face. The pain in his expression tells me he's reconsidering sending me alone.

I don't give him the chance. "The Shambles?"

He bites his lip then nods. "Empty," he says. "No heart, no soul. Stupid as hell, but will eat you raw." Beckett shudders. "They travel in packs, mostly in buildings though, so be careful. They stink, too. Like rot." He bends and marks a large 'X' on a section of street. "See this? That's the library."

It's a long way according to his map. Many streets. Maybe miles.

"You'll have to stop for the night." He hands me the sheet which I fold carefully and slide into my jacket pocket. "Don't trust anyone. Anyone. Got me?"

I continue to nod. There is nothing else to do.

Nico appears. She clutches an old backpack. It's bulging, full of something. She grins as she hands it to me, though not with friendliness.

"Time you were going," she says.

I glance inside the bag. Cans of food. A water bottle, dented and old, but full to the stained white cover. A thin blanket. I glance at Beckett.

"Thank you."

He hands me a small device I recognize at once. It's a knife of sorts, with all kinds of arms hidden inside, different blades and files and even a pair of scissors. He shows me the most worn tool, a can opener.

Nico scowls as I take it, but keeps her peace. I suppose losing this treasure is worth it to her if it means I'm leaving.

"Say goodbye to Poppy for me." I'm a coward all of a sudden. I can't do it myself.

Beckett nods, eyes downcast. He guides me to the outside, kids watching me go. I am almost to the door when I hear her coming.

"Trio!"

Too slow. Too late. I turn and catch Poppy as she runs into my arms, hugging me so hard I can barely breathe. She is sobbing, clinging to me.

"Don't go." Poppy pulls back, face crumpled in grief as she hiccups through her tears. "P-p-p-lease, don't leave me!"

I almost give in to her. How easy it would be. She needs me, and I...

I love her already.

It is the hardest thing in the world to put her down, make her let go, step back from her, see the understanding in her face.

Watch her run away from me, sobbing, until I can't stand it anymore.

I turn, brushing past Beckett, emerging into the sunlight. The gray is gone, the sky blue. Can it only have been one night since I woke to this insanity?

"Trio." I turn back to see Beckett holding the door. "Be careful."

He closes it behind him, leaving me outside.

Alone again.

***