Chapter 16: The Sick

They avoid me, all of them. I'm left to follow behind, wondering what I've done. At least the dog hasn't abandoned me. But even Beckett gives me a wide berth.

It's Dauphine who finally speaks to me. She has joined us, as she threatened Genki she would, guided by one of Beckett's people. When she slows to walk with me the other leaves her. I reach for her, take her hand and feel her shudder as I do.

"What happened, Trio?" She links her arm in mine. "No one will say anything. It was something terrible."

"It was." I'm disgusted now, afraid myself for what I've done. "One of the guards. He attacked me. I touched him and... he dissolved." There's no other way to describe it.

Dauphine gasps, stopping abruptly, pulling her hand free from my arm. "Tell me exactly what happened."

I describe it as best I can. When I'm finished she is pale under her dark skin, giving it a gray tint that worries me. "The Sick."

"He had the illness?" It makes my skin crawl, thinking I'd touched him.

"No," she says. "He didn't have it. None of our people did. There hasn't been an outbreak in at least six months." She stands there, hugging herself. "You gave him the Sick, Trio. How?"

I did? And yet I know it's true the moment she says it. I did. "I don't know." I'm so confused, now with more guilt weighing on my heart. "It can't be."

"It is." She visibly makes a decision, face softening as she reaches out for me. I loop my arm through hers again and she sighs. "You're obviously not going to infect me?"

"Of course not." I start walking again, her beside me. "Dauphine, I don't understand."

She pats my hand. "Nor me, girl. Nor me. But there are answers out there, somewhere."

"Socrates." The library. She nods.

"Maybe."

I look ahead, see the others gathered in a knot, watching us. Waiting for Dauphine to die, I can only assume. "They hate me now."

"Fear you," she whispers. "That's worse. It makes resentment grow, it does."

"Even Poppy." I want to cry. "It's not fair. I saved them."

"I know," she says. "You did, too. That Genki can be a vindictive bastard. We're lucky he let us leave." She sighs. "What I don't know is how that boy died so fast."

"The Sick is slow?" Maybe she was wrong. Whatever I did just looked like the virus they all dreaded.

"It is," she says. "Takes at least a day to do that much damage. But that's exactly what happens to those who die from it, exactly."

We've reached the others now. No one will look at me except Beckett and he even he seems freaked out.

"We need to talk." He gestures to me and I release Dauphine. Though I see no one will touch her now. Are they that afraid?

"Poppy," I say. "Help Dauphine."

She goes to the blind girl automatically, holds her hand. But those brown eyes are locked on the ground, her arms full of wiggling puppies.

I follow Beckett a short distance and face him.

"We need to find a place," he says. "Night will fall soon."

I nod. "I'll help you look."

He gazes off into the distance. "They want you to leave."

I knew this was coming. "I saved you all." It makes my anger rise again, but I shove it down. I don't want the fire to come out again. Never again.

"I know." He sighs softly. Pauses. Looks like he's about to say something. Finally, he shrugs. "We already have a place picked. Come on."

I can tell the others are upset with his choice to let me join them, Nico the most. I ignore them, freeing the golden puppy from Poppy's arms. A soft little tongue assaults my cheek, sharp teeth nipping my ears and pulling my hair. It lightens my mood, makes me smile, giggle even, though I make sure to be as quiet as I can. I feel the weight of the bag over my shoulder and wonder about food. I know the others will want to share it, and I'm okay with that. But the puppies will also need to eat again soon.

For a moment I wonder if I'm mad, if my mind is gone, even going on another step. The sheer desperate despair of it all slams into me, making me gasp, until the wriggling bundle in my hands licks me again and I feel tears trickle down my face as my laughter returns.

We'll be all right. We will. I'll make sure of it.

The building where we hide stinks of mold, worse than any I've smelled before, but it is empty and the dirty windows intact. Beckett sets up a watch as the rest of the group settles. The moment they are at rest, the whispering begins, the stares and points. Nico leads the unrest, but I'm hardly surprised. Instead, I open two cans of food and give one to the dog while Poppy and I feed the other to the puppies.

"That's our food." Nico stands before me where I sit with my back to the wall.

"No," I say, "you gave it to me. It's my food." I give the golden puppy another chunk of pressed meat.

Nico reaches for my bag, but before I can do anything Beckett grabs her and shoves her away. I see the regret on his face, know how much this is costing him.

"Leave her alone."

"You're defending her again?" Nico is almost beside herself in anger, face flushed from it. "She's a freaking carrier of the Sick, Beckett. She's feeding what remains of our food to a dog." Her contempt is so thick I want to beat it out of her. If only she knew I hold these two wriggling babies in much higher regard than I do her.

"No one is doing anything stupid." He faces off against her. "We'll find more food, a new place to bunk. Just like we always have."

"Except we've cut ourselves off from our supplier." Nico shakes her head, whole body vibrating with rage. "You've chosen her life over our survival." She stares at me over his shoulder. "You know as well as I do, we should kill her."

The dog growls softly from where he lies next to me, chin on paws. How much does he understand or is he simply reacting to her attitude? I don't know, but I'm grateful he's standing up for me.

"Think about it," Nico says, not just to Beckett, but to all of them. "No one knows where the new strains come from. Why they just show up out of nowhere. Maybe now we know why. Maybe people like her," she jabs one finger in my direction, "are the cause."

"You don't know that for sure," Beckett says.

"No," Dauphine says softly, "but I do." Everyone falls silent, even Nico who stares at the seer. "I can assure you that's not the case."

Nico blows out a lung full of air, throwing up her hands in disgust, but everyone else seems to calm down. Hopefully Dauphine is right, though I know in my heart serving as a carrier of the Sick is not my purpose.

I just wished I knew what was.

Beckett crouches next to me, eyes locked on the puppy. It wriggles free of my hands and stumbles to him. Is that a smile on his face? He picks it up, lets it lick him before accepting the food I offer and holding it for the baby to eat.

"Okay, Trio," he says, voice soft and tired. "We'll keep them."

I smile and hand him the bag of food. "Sucker."

He grins. It reaches his blue eyes and he lights up. "Damn it." He sits next to me, Dauphine on his other side, sighing as he relaxes for a moment. "The library?"

It seems our only option. "Dauphine?"

The seer shrugs. "Socrates is a funny duck," she says, "but he's honorable. He may take you in." She's still talking about "you" and "us". I wonder at her commitment to leave her old group.

"That's it, then," Beckett says. "We go to the library, pitch joining to the leader. He says yes, we get the info you need, Trio, and you're on your way. He says no... we find another place. Either way, you have what you need."

The idea of going on alone again makes me sad. I look down at the puppy in his arms then to the dog. His eyes are locked on mine. Will he leave his little ones to join me? I can't ask it of him.

I doubt he'll give me a choice in the matter either way.

The dog sighs, closes his eyes. Conversation over.

Fair enough.

***