Chapter 11: Possibilities

I escort Piers out with a slight redness to my own cheeks, knowing now where my grandfather's mind leads him. I could do worse, and now I've given up on my dream of being with Sage-an impossible one I should have known better than to cultivate-I am finding my sorcerer friend's closeness rather distracting.

I attempt to pull back and observe Piers with some dispassion as we enter the grand foyer and head for the front yard. My practical side won't be swayed by my heart this time. I must know if he will be a good mate for me and for the werenation.

He is silent on our walk, keeping his head down, not touching me or even offering. I miss his usual banter, the sly way he winks at me with a clever grin, the brushing of his hand against mine as though by accident. I can only hope this chance at courtship won't ruin what we have now. I couldn't bear to think I'd lose his friendship if things didn't work out between us.

He really is charming in his boyish sweetness, tempered by his sharp wit. Piers holds himself back from me for the first time since our friendship began. I'm grateful for his distance, despite my concern. We will both need the room to decide if the playful way we've chosen to engage each other can be more than just flirting and teasing. For as surely as he's been talking with my grandfather, it must feel odd to him to have the glimmer of hope suddenly wake into pending possibility.

I will have Eva Southway to wrangle as well, should I propose mating with Piers. She's not my first choice for a mother-in-law, the leader of the Steam Union far too harsh and cold for my liking. I've done some digging on his mother, out of curiosity, since the sorcerers who are our new allies have been only a shadowy presence until a few years ago. The information I've gleaned paints a rather grim picture of a driven and talented sorcerer letting ambition rule her. She's won her position through calculation and manipulation, though I can hardly blame her. Had it not been for Syd, I'm certain I would have much more in common with Eva than not by now. Still, while I've cultivated my own chill exterior over the years, I feel hers runs to the heart, unlike her mercurial son and daughter.

If Eva sees our union as a benefit, she won't stand in our way. Her concern over Piers's interest in Syd brings back enough memories I am wary all over again. But as we step outside, my mental considerations are soothed as Piers finally looks over and smiles. Not his typical impish grin, but a genuine smile reaching his gray eyes, the scent of him stronger than ever as though he reaches for me with his body and mind if not his touch.

Dawn is lightening the eastern sky over the spiky evergreens as he stops and turns toward me. Silvery-blond hair hangs over one of his lean shoulders, a silken fall to his waist over the deep gray of his greatcoat, hanging open, showing the black button up he wears over his lean chest. The new light catches on the angles of his narrow face, makes his gaze transparent. I admire the almond shape of his eyes, his wide mouth, the way his jaw line carries to a strong chin. I've always thought Piers handsome, but this is the first time I've allowed myself to truly take in his physical beauty. It matters to the wolf inside me, my practical side admitting as much. I'm shallow that way, I suppose. But his depth of soul is more beautiful still, an excellent and impressive package.

I could learn to love him, I'm sure of it. If I let myself. If I ever let Sage go. Or, at the very least, I could care enough for him this could work, he and I. The question is, can I keep Sage's memory from him? Can I shield Piers from the knowledge he will always come second in my heart? Sadness wakes my wolf, makes her whine softly in my head. Piers remains silent, smiling, unaware of the pain I endure at the thought of hurting both of us this way. But what choice do I have? Maybe it's cruel to include Piers in this farce. I should send him away, choose some werewolf I can tolerate instead of ruining both of our lives with lies and old sorrows.

But Piers's smile lures me in, and I manage a smile in return though this all feels familiar. I'm giving in to the will of others, putting aside my own wants, wants I never knew I had until I met Syd, for duty. And while doing so isn't as comfortable and easy to slip into as it used to be, following protocol and the orders of my superior was my way of life for a very long time.

I can't bear to spend the rest of my life with someone I can't stand. Which means I'm dooming my friend to this hell of the heart with me. So be it, selfish weregirl. So be it.

Piers finally closes the distance between us and grasps my hand in his. The flesh is cool, his fingers stiff and tense. I squeeze gently back to soothe him as he draws a breath.

"I would like to court you, Princess Sharlotta," he said.

So formal. My smile widens when I force it to and I purposely close the distance between us, my free hand cupping the back of his neck. My wolf rumbles approval, the pressure of my touch pulling Piers's face down and close to mine, my lips touching his without hesitation.

I've kissed him on the mouth before, but never with any intent but friendship. This time I put effort into it, forcing Sage from my mind though the memory of his kiss is still fresh. I breathe into Piers's lungs, exploring the inside of his mouth with my tongue with a hint of desperate need. Please, let me not be making the biggest mistake of both our lives. He holds back a moment, as though startled by my forcefulness, unaware it's fed by duty, before pulling me against him and answering my kiss with one of his own.

It's different than kissing Sage. The heat isn't there, the fire I'm used to between us. Sage is more raw, less polished, with the passionate heart of a warrior. Piers is reserved despite his expertise, heart guarded, power holding back. Does he fear I will hurt him, or the other way around? How right he is-we may end up hurting each other, in the end, when he finally realizes I can never love him as I love another.

Whatever his cause for reservation, he's an excellent kisser and by the time I pull away, licking my lips and smiling my satisfaction, I'm pleased with the result. I can do this. I can pretend, fake it until it's real, or real enough to hold us together. For how long, I have no idea. But I'll do my best to shield him if I can.

He flushes again, so adorable I barely resist pinching his cheek. Piers's nervousness makes me feel powerful, as though I have some hold over him. An equal would be ideal, but being worshipped will have its delights.

"I accept your offer, Piers Southway," I say, softly punching his arm. He rubs it though I know I did him no hurt, snarky grin returning.

"I've heard that before," he says, but goes no further. His desire to be with Syd is no secret, though she told me long ago he removed himself from the running after Liam's death of his own accord.

"We must open the search to eligible weremales," I say, "if only to appease the pack. But as far as I'm concerned," I allow him to feel the pulse of my wolf, her happiness at the direction this conversation takes us as Sage's image wavers in the background, "you have no competition here."

Piers's grin widens. "I trust you'll keep me posted if that changes?"

His question makes me sad as Sage's scent passes through my memory. But barring a miracle, I have no doubt Piers will be my choice.

"Agreed." I kiss him one more time, lingering. His lean body engulfs me, his strength wiry and tight, unlike Sage's-no. I will no longer compare the two. I release my love's image to the wolf and accept this fate, love or not.

Piers leaves at last, disappearing into darkness he creates, backing into the tunnel of black until it devours him, leaving only the new sunrise behind. I blink into it, catch sight of the white wolf watching me from the edge of the woods.

She feels sorrowful, even from this distance. I move toward her, wondering what she is looking for. But she turns and lopes into the trees long before I can reach her and is gone by the time I step into the chill dark of the forest.

Why do I have the feeling she disapproves and why does that disapproval make me sad all over again?

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