Chapter 4: Broken Record

"As I've already said," fire crackled in his amber eyes, "there is one matter you've yet to address." Henemordonin's lips

lifted at the corners, though his face held nothing of positive nature in it. "That of your single status, Ruler."

Again, I caught myself thinking of Syd and how she'd been bullied into marrying Liam. I know she loved the sweet

Gatekeeper, despite the fact he wasn't her first choice. His death had almost broken her, regardless. Now I was in

control of my emotions again, I was very happy for my sister was finally able to wed the perfect man for her.

He's like a spinning top, your grandfather, Abhi grumbled. You're a girl, yet.

I'm Ruler, I sent as I considered my answer. No longer the terrifying grip of fear or the irrational sharpness of anger

dominating my thoughts, but the calm and rational patterns I was accustomed to. Syd was known for her reactionary nature

while I did my best to think things through. Yes, I may have wished I was more impulsive, more like my powerful and

decisive sister. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to simply act on impulse. I must choose someone sooner or later.

Ahbi grumbled in my head while I held onto my best blank expression and hoped my grandmother wouldn't backslide into old

habits when I needed her support the most.

"I am well aware of the fact I have yet to mate," I said. "Are you feeling well, Henemordonin? This need to repeat

yourself stirs concern for your mental health."

Did I really just zing my grandfather? The spinning excitement mixed with hysteria returned and, in that moment, I

understood the siren call of impulse. No wonder Syd loved it so much. The freedom of speaking without censor liberated me

like nothing else.

My grandfather may have tolerated Ahbi's snark, but it was clear he knew the difference between us. Even as Ahbi chuckled

inside me, Henemordonin slammed both fists down on the arms of his throne and glared.

"You mock our laws, Ruler?" I had no idea it was possible for that level of disapproval to fill one demon's voice, so

thick and sticky I felt dirty. Guilt fed by nerves fought against my need to keep control of the situation even as my

grandfather continued to speak. "You treat this matter as though it amuses you. But we, as a people, look to you as an

example for all demon kind. Such irreverence is insulting-nay, heartbreaking."

Ahbi sighed dramatically while the court shifted under his words. I felt the soft pressure of his magic, knew he used it

to manipulate them as he often did. I hated such manipulation was only against the law for me, since Dad's rewrite of

demon legislation was not complete. And, for as long as Henemordonin sat on Second Seat, it never would be.

The gathered family knew they were being played, allowed it to happen, that much was obvious from their eager

anticipation of what came next. Excitement died a painful death in my heart, exchanged with dread and anxiety so powerful

I had to force the saliva filling my mouth past the giant lump now blocking my throat.

This was the point I usually caved, gave in and retreated. But I'd had a taste of what things could be like and, with a

searing need to recover that feeling spurring me on, I reached out with my power and cut him off from the court.

They gasped as a group while he slammed back into his throne, eyes huge, jaw jumping under the silver of his beard.

"You dare!" He spluttered convincingly enough, despite the fact I knew his outrage was an act. I saw the cold calculation

in his gaze, his realization something major had changed. Seeing his sophistry in such clear and conniving terms, after

being pushed to my limit so many times, the last of my fear of him cracked and crumbled as my anger rose to the surface

and took over.

"Challenge me," I snarled. "Just try it, Henemordonin. I'll crush you like a bug."

Ahbi crowed in delight as the entire throne room fell to silence. I didn't care, my focus fixed on my grandfather, his

flow of emotions clear in his eyes as I watched him go from shock, to fury, into a moment I was certain he would act.

When he finally looked away, his amber gaze shone sullen.

I swept to my feet, giddy with this victory, keeping my face flat and blank only through sheer will.

"Court is adjourned." I ignored them all as I strode from the room, knowing the balance of power finally shifted in my

favor.

You've just made him more dangerous, Ahbi sent, but she didn't sound angry or upset. In fact, she seemed downright eager.

Let him come, I sent back as the elevator carried me down a floor to my living quarters. I moved before the platform came

to a halt, stalking my way toward my office door, refusing to allow anything or anyone to slow my forward momentum. I had

a sick feeling when I finally did come to a halt, I'd fall apart and there was no way I was doing so out in the open.

The two guards outside the double doors saluted as I pushed the portals wide with my power, slamming them shut behind me

the moment I was through. My lungs burned as I gasped a breath of air, throat tight once again, eyes on fire with the

need to cry, held in only at the sight of the tall, handsome demon leaning with his arms crossed against my desk.

Seeing Rameranselot here, now, only made matters worse. I stumbled to a halt, palms pressed to my thighs, thick

fingernails digging through the heavy vinyl of my skirt as I fought to keep my composure. Why did he have to appear so

sympathetic, his perfect face frowning in empathy even as he pushed off from my desk and crossed the distance between us,

glowing eyes full of worry for me?

My heart soared and crashed, beat after beat, longing for him with a passion so vibrant I thought it would one day leap

from my chest and land at his feet, even as it blackened and crisped in anger toward him for not being the demon I needed

him to be.

Ram slowed before reaching me, jaw clenching as he came to a halt only a foot away, face hovering over mine. The scent of

cinnamon and hot, delicious desserts washed over me. I hated Syd so much in that instant, knowing she'd kissed his lips

when she'd considered him as a possible mate, no matter how irrational the emotion. Ram was mine, and yet, he wasn't.

"Might I say," he spoke, deep voice soft and full of subtleties I couldn't unravel with him so close to me, "that was

very well played, Ruler."

He was there? "Was it?" The words blurted from my lips before I could stop them, the quivering I tried to halt taking

over as his sympathy finally won through the crust of protection I tried to keep between us.

Ram's hands lifted, one cupping my cheek, the burning of his touch loosening my traitor tears. "It was a long time

coming. And he deserved it."

I pulled away as his thumb traced over the line of moisture on my cheek. Ahbi sighed when I spun away, crushing my need

to sob on his broad chest, to let out my frustration and the remains of my tension on someone I knew would never judge

me.

"It was foolish," I shot at him, feeling my fear rise again. My body quivered at the memory of Henemordonin and his

yelling. What was I thinking, challenging him?

We'll be fine, Ahbi sent.

You're not the one who has to face him, I snapped back.

"You know how I feel about Second Seat," Ram said, voice still mild though with a hint of anger breaking through his

normally jovial tone. "And his treatment of you, Ruler."

"You've made it very clear more than once." I sank into my chair, eyes locked on the stack of parchment piled in the

center of my desk. "And, in doing so, you've also made it clear you don't think I'm doing my job."

Ram's sigh was echoed by a second one from Ahbi. She grumbled something about being childish in my head while the tall,

handsome demon shook his head.

"You have no idea," he said.

I looked away, refusing to meet his eyes. Perhaps Ahbi's assessment was correct. I certainly felt as though I'd spiraled

back into petulance. And yet, I couldn't seem to find my way out again.

Salvation from myself came in the bustling, furious form of Pagomaris. She burst through the office doors, hustling to my

side with her face twisted in a mix of anger and sorrow. I straightened in my seat as she came to a halt beside me,

kneeling next to me with her eyes snapping sparks.

"How dare he treat you that way, Ruler?" When I'd first met my aide, she'd been Ahbi's, a kindly and anxious-to-please

demon whom I'd though nice, but rather weak. I had no idea she was so passionate in her defense of the one she served,

not until the first time my grandfather challenged me. Of all the demons in my life, Pagomaris was the only shoulder I

allowed myself to cry on. Her loyalty was without question and her protective nature made me feel a little better.

Not so today. I simply squeezed her hand as she pressed mine to her face.

"It's all right," I said, suddenly tired and just wanting to be alone for a little while. I could feel Ram's steady gaze

pinning me in place and squirmed under it without meeting his eyes.

"It isn't." The door slid shut behind the tiny demon who joined us. Avenesequoia's hands wrung before her doll-like self,

a delicately embroidered dress making her appear even smaller than she was. My dear Sassafras's sister seethed, more

angry than I'd ever seen her. "Victory, my Ruler. At least, for now."

I bobbed a nod, did my best to pull together my emotions. Something about Sequoia's attitude always dragged me from my

lingering depression. It was as though her word was more important to me than anyone's. Perhaps because of her lineage

and the fact I missed her brother's furry face so very much.

"Thank you all," I said, standing, shaking out my hands cramped from the fisted state they'd clenched into without my

knowledge. "It's a small step forward. One I wish I'd taken long before now."

"He's never given you a chance," Pagomaris said. "Your father-" She gasped, as if at her own boldness. "Forgive me,

Ruler." She choked on her words. "I would never criticize him."

I pulled her to her feet, allowing my anger to come out. "I'll do it for you, then," I said as I finally met Ram's eyes.

"Ahbi and I have come to an agreement."

She remained silent while I crossed the room and stood looking out the window over Ostrogotho. The capital city of

Demonicon stretched out below me, the view from the Seat never failing to stir feelings of pride in my heart. But today,

today I found those feelings more powerful than ever and drew on the strength they offered.

"Your grandfather is a master manipulator," Ram said, coming to stand next to me while Sequoia joined me on my left. I

felt Pagomaris hovering behind us as he went on. "A lesser Ruler would have crumbled by now, Meira. In fact, your father

did. It amazes me how well you've held up under such constant pressure."

I gaped at him, heart pounding. "You're kidding me, right?" I considered myself an utter and total failure to this point.

Ram shook his head, the light of the falling suns catching his curving horns. "Why do you think Henemordonin fights you

so hard? You've held far more ground in four years than your father was able to in a month." Ram's smile crinkled the

skin around his eyes, showing off his white teeth. "You can't see it, you're so deep inside. But those of us who watch

can see the frustration in him, how desperate he is to control you. And how frustrated he is he's failed for so long."

Now I really needed to cry. My body swayed as I reached out and clutched his hand while Sequoia rubbed my back in

soothing circles with her tiny hands. My mind spun as I tried to process what he'd just said, to believe him.

"Why have you never said so before?" His hand squeezed back as I leaned on him for more than just physical support, our

magic mingling around the edges as I let go of my rigid control for a moment.

"I have, silly girl," he whispered as he leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear. "You just haven't heard me until now."

"Ruler," Sequoia's voice broke through the hold Ram's breath on my skin held over me. I turned to look at her as she

smiled. "We've been waiting for you to come back to us." Excitement rang in her words. "And now, you finally have.

Haven't you?"

You can do it, Ahbi sent.

"I'm an idiot," I said, reaching for relief, finding only resignation. I'd made it this far. And my first victory gave me

hope. "But I'm Ruler."

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