God I'm So Lonely

(Morgan Pov)

I have no idea where the fuck I am. This reminds me of when I was 4 years old, the memories are flooding back to me. I was so pure and innocent back then.

…

…

...

For about a week.

I went insane very quickly, my juvenile brain could not handle the social isolation. Despite being a mature adult on the inside, biology isn't something I can go against. At least not yet, I'm pretty sure I can with the right application of magic.

However, that's not something I want to do anytime soon. I want to wait until I have matured physically. Actually no, that is something I won't do in the future. It's a horrible idea, this is something that can go awry very easily.

Boredom is going to be the death of me, I get all sorts of horrible ideas. There is a high chance I will go through with one of them if I am bored enough. And even more so if I am left unsupervised.

I miss Clara, she was nice company. Annoying as hell, but she was a good conversation partner. I mean I have Diego with me, but it's just not the same talking to him. There is no banter, just aggressive horse noises.

Then again things could be worse, I could be a child. The last time I was in this situation like this, I was a pitiful 4-year-old. I was so weak and small that even the wild animals could kill me. I had magic, but it was pathetically weak.

I could kill the wildlife, but it took so many headshots to get the job done. Now I have the strength to properly fend for myself. I am strong enough to swing the polearms my master gave me. I have a bow and passable aim, which means I can handle threats from afar.

I also have a horse with me, which makes traveling and running away more convenient. It reassures me that I now have options that weren't available to me all those years ago.

Surviving isn't an issue, I know I have a skill set that allows me to handle most life-threatening situations. However, one can never be too careful. There are many threats out in the plains and they can come to you in many forms.

In my case though, it will most likely be a person that fucks me over. I'll be fine though, I know I can handle myself well if it's a situation where I can freely talk or reason with the other person.

Lying is the skill I am the most confident in, at the same though I still feel pretty iffy about combat. I might have gotten stronger, but my current strength is meaningless. I mean sure I can handle some bandits, but I know what exists in this world.

My master was strong enough to fight against dragons, the known apex species in this world. Hassar can fire arrows with power rivaling a cannon, but I have a feeling he still hasn't shown me the full extent of what he can do.

Those are my 2 benchmarks of power and I am nowhere close to them.

So there is a high likelihood that I can run into an opponent who outclasses me because my luck is dogshit.

No. Bad Morgan. Stop it. It has only been a week since I left, I shouldn't let my mind wander. I should be more positive about what could lie ahead. I hate being alone, it just makes me think.

I just want to ignore my problems, but facing my problems is all I can do. There is nothing to do, which means there isn't anything else on my mind.

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Week 2

I hate my mind sometimes. I just realized that if you really think about it, horses are freaks of nature. I got this thought while I was watching Diego graze. To pass the time I started to think about random and somewhat related things.

One of them was the versatile protein known as keratin. It's what hair and nails are made of, it is also what makes up trademark features of some animals. Things like silk, scales, shells, feathers, horns, claws, and most notably hooves.

Amazingly, all of those things are made of the same material, but then I started to think more about it. Horses don't have legs, they have long fingers.

That's is fucking weird to think about, but from a human's perspective that is indeed the case. I mean they don't have any appendages sticking out of their limbs. It's just their hooves attached to the ends of their limbs.

I mean hooves are made of the same thing as nails, so it's not entirely inaccurate. It is because of this thought that horses are forever ruined for me. I will never look at them the same way. The more I think about it, the more disgusted I feel.

Just thinking about horses scuttling as fast as they on their finger-legs like some type of insect. It's even more disturbing because of how big they are. Why am I thinking about this? I could be doing better and more productive things with my mind.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? It's like I'm trying to gaslight myself into insanity. Try to forget about this Morgan, think about all of the cool things about horses. You have to, right now the only friend you have is a horse.

Having a horse is like a car, but better. Diego doesn't break if I don't use him for a long time. He spits at children and short people whenever they get close to him. He laughs at people whenever he spits at them or when they screw up.

I don't know how he developed this sick sense of humor, but it's one I can appreciate. My horse is an asshole, but so am I. That is what makes us the perfect horse and rider duo. We have a bond that is solidly built on the misfortune of others.

I love him to death, but the image I have of his species is forever tarnished in my mind. Horses are no longer the majestic beasts that represent speed, power, and freedom. To me, they will forever be weird mammals with finger legs.

"All done, you should be good now buddy. Why are you mad?"

*PTUI!!*

"Did you just try to spit on me? No! You don't do that to me! You do that if it's funny or if you hate the other person. Do you understand me?"

I'll take that neighing sound as a yes. Holy shit, I think he somehow sensed that I was tainting the image of his species. He is a lot smarter than I think. Or maybe the horses of this world are more intelligent than the ones in my previous world.

I wonder if I can teach Diego morse code or something similar? Not sure how I would do it, but I am bored enough to try. It's going to take a long time and honestly, it might be worth all that effort. Having a conversation with a horse will be a neat party trick in the future.

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Week 3

"What do you want now?"

*Clip* *Clip* *Clip* *Clip*

*Clip* *Clip* *Clop*

*Clop* *Clip*

*Clop* *Clop* * Clip*

*Clip* *Clop* *Clip*

*Clop* *Clip* *Clop* *Clop*

"I don't mind taking a break. Let me get down from here. Run along buddy, eat your fill."

Was it a waste of time teaching a horse how to say certain words in Morse code? It probably was.

Was it necessary?

No, it wasn't. Horses are probably one of the most expressive animals. From my experience horses use body language, make noises, and they also use facial expressions. Though I sometimes have trouble with the last one.

Either way, I usually get a rough idea of what they want. The point stands that it wasn't necessary, but I did it anyway. I'm more surprised at how quickly I was able to teach Diego a word in Morse.

I haven't taught him the whole alphabet, just how to say the word hungry. The left finger is a dot and the right finger is a dash. So I taught him letter by letter how to say the word. It took me about a day or two to teach him.

So far it has been pretty useful all things considered. Diego stops walking for a bit and he quickly taps his fingers. After I hear the message I let him go, he eats his fill and I do my own thing. Which is basically nothing, I currently have no hobbies.

That's kind of depressing, to be honest. Oh well, I guess I have to keep trying shit until I find something. I mean playing with magic is fun and all, but that's not something I want to keep doing for fun. Every time I experiment I get closer and closer to my death.

Nonetheless, I don't know what other words I can teach him. I only taught him the word hungry because I wanted a way to consistently know when he wants to eat. It's too much work to teach him the entire alphabet, so I'll stick to words for now.

The question is, what words could I teach him though? Diego can basically tell me most of the things he needs or wants with his other gestures. I'll think about it the next time I'm bored.

For now, I'll go and scavenge for some herbs. I haven't made poison in a long time. I do have a lot stored away in my inventory, but you can never have enough poison. It's useful, very efficient, very clean, all-natural, and biodegradable.

Okay, the last two don't matter as much. I was never the biggest fan of the environment. Even more so now that it is actively trying to kill me. You would think that slaughtering packs of wolves for years would cause them to be an endangered species by now.

Yet for some reason the attacks haven't let up. I wonder what will happen if I leave the country? I wonder if there will be an overpopulation of wolves or if it is just a conspiracy theory I concocted. I guess I'll find out when I come back in two years.

I do have a lot of poison if the population of wolves does get out of hand. Now that I think about it, is it possible to poison a species to extinction? That might be a thing I'll add to my new bucket list. I guess that is something to look forward to in two years.

I wonder if I'll find any interesting plants here. Maybe I'll make some nonlethal types of poison for once. Could be useful later on and like I said earlier, it's better to have it than to not. I don't have to kill everything I see. I just need to survive the encounter, everything else doesn't matter.

I just hope I last a lot longer in this life. I never got to accomplish my dream in my first life, I hope I can do it in this one. Dying before I can do that would suck a lot, even more so considering I got this second chance. I hope things go well this time around.