Why Did I Have To Be Built Different

(Morgan Pov)

I need to find some sort of vestige of civilization soon. Not because I long for human interaction, but because there are two things I want. I want to be somewhere safe and I need time. I have been blindly fumbling with anima magic for so long.

I finally got what I needed to progress even further down the path of magic. I was somehow able to get to advanced level anima magic, kind of. I had ideas of what anima magic is supposed to achieve and ideas of how it tries to do so.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the resources to study it the traditional way. What I did have was knowledge and experience with dark magic. I basically used dark magic to simulate the theories I had about anima magic.

That is how I came up with my version of anima magic. I brute-forced my way to get the desired result, which came at a very heavy cost. That means that magic is inefficient and not ready for use on the field.

This is the first time in a while that I have been this excited. I just need somewhere safe to read and process all this information. The plains fuck with my paranoia because I am very exposed to many possible dangers.

It doesn't help that I have excellent vision. It makes me want to constantly be alert and look around. Mainly because I know that I'll be able to spot anything remotely dangerous or suspicious.

I know how tunneled vision I can get once I find something that I care about or actually interests me. So I can't go on that deep dive into magic just yet. A week has passed since I got these tomes. I really need to find something else I can look forward to or one hobby in general.

I have been traveling for about a month now, which means I have covered a lot of ground by now. Ideally, I would have liked to be in some sort of village or city by now. Yet I find myself in this situation, with no clue where I am.

This was supposed to be a quest for power or some kind of journey to find inner strength. I can't do that if I don't have anything to push me. The best way to go about it is to find other people and make something happen.

I doubt I'll grow as a person because I already lived out one life, albeit a relatively short one. I know what type of person I am, I know what I value, what works for me, and what doesn't. I am very comfortable with who I am.

Realistically I need a life-shattering event to even get me to change. Even then, knowing me it's more likely that I'll double down on my beliefs. The aspect of personal growth is most likely eliminated from this journey.

That just leaves the physical aspect of growth left. To put it bluntly, I need to kill some more people. I mean that has been the most successful way of getting stronger or to be more accurate it is currently the only way I know how to get stronger.

I have done a lot of sparring and hunting over the years, but all that did was improve my skills with a weapon. Other than growing physically over the years, my stats have remained relatively stagnant.

It didn't really matter what kind of training I did, I only started to see results when I started killing some people. I'm still not sure why that is the case. Is it because humans are different from animals?

Or is there something going on in the background that only happens when I kill a person? I don't have enough information to work with. So now I am stuck here waiting for something to happen, at this point I don't care what it is.

I just want all the time I spent out here to be worth something. I still have about 23 months left in my self-assigned quest, so I shouldn't be in a rush. But that's an awfully long time to be away from my family.

I didn't think I would be able to feel homesick in this life. It's a very bitter-sweet feeling to have, it's oddly comforting. I hate having this feeling, but at the same time, this puts into perspective how much love I have for them.

It's different experiencing it firsthand, sure I thought about how much I would miss them when I planned this trip. I truly learned to love them like a second family, this removes a lot of the doubt I had in my mind. I guess that counts as personal growth I have undergone in this life.

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I thought my day would be over when the sun started to set. I should have known better by now. Never ask for anything to happen. Life is a bitch and a kinky one at that because it takes every chance it gets to bite you in the ass.

My intuition tells me that there is no way I can get out of this situation unscathed. I find myself face to face with a swordsman dressed in blue. I see that he has two distinct-looking swords fastened onto his waist.

Both of the swords are katanas, but each of them gives off a different vibe. The katana with a purple hilt looks like it is in an antique sheath. The other sword has a crimson hilt and sheath, this weapon although newer has already seen quite a bit of use.

I can sense a sort of baleful bloody aura coming from the crimson sword, but that doesn't scare me. The other sword terrifies me because I can sense something from it, but it's not as strong or clear as the aura coming from the other sword.

It's very subdued and very easy to miss, but it feels like something is leaking from the sheath. I get the feeling that it's not supposed to be leaking like that, but if that sword is drawn something will happen.

I don't know what will happen, but I know the older and more history an object has the more dangerous it can be. Even more so with weapons, human history has always shown exceptional creativity when it comes to inflicting harm and killing.

As for the man himself, right now he is sizing me up. He has long hair black hair going well past his waist, with some of his hair covering his right eye. I can see in his left eye an all too familiar gaze, the gaze of a predator eyeing its prey.

There is no way I can talk my way out of this, this man wants a duel possibly to the death. I'm not sure how strong he is, but both my intuition and instincts tell me he is much stronger than me. I'm lucky I have the weapon advantage, every little bit counts.

He has drawn one of his swords, it was the one in the crimson sheath. Sure the crimson blade looks ominous but this is better than the other sword. The other sword has to have an unknown element to it. There has to be a reason why anyone would use such an old-looking sword?

Either way, at this moment it doesn't matter at all. He's not using the other sword and this is good for my own peace of mind. He can move at any moment's notice and I need to be ready. Take a deep breath and calm down.

In

*Inhale*

.

.

.

.

Out

*Exhale*

I'm ready. It looks like he is too, he's on the move now.

Alright, let's do this. I can see all of his movements very clearly, that's a good start. How are my movements? Not good, I'm lagging behind. In my eyes, he is moving like normal while I am moving in slow motion. I'm not out of this completely. I'm still moving, that's good.

I can still respond, I just need to time things correctly. What are my advantages at this moment?

My reach is the biggest advantage, he has to enter my striking range before he can attack me. My weapon also gives me leverage, which allows me to have a lot of variance in my attacks. I can attack from high to low angles and switch between them at any moment's notice.

He has no idea what my reaction time is like. If he's smart he won't charge in recklessly, he has to get past the tip of my spear before he can attack me. So that gives me a little time to prepare and position myself accordingly.

Even if he does get past it, I can always pull my spear back and change my grip to suit the situation. I can either attack at extremely sharp angles or use it as a grappling tool. Things aren't looking so bad for me.

I just hope I can actually make it on time to capitalize on any plans I make. I need to predict this strike, it will determine if I am on the offensive or defensive. I need to look at his arm and wrist to get an idea of where the strike is coming from.

He's using a katana, I can expect to see a lot of slashes which in turn means a lot of swinging motions. My best bet is to goad him into making a mistake. Should I attack or should I wait? No, I need more information. I'll go for a simple spear thrust towards his chest.

Will he dodge or deflect this attack?

*Clang*

He chose to brace for the hit and push my weapon as far to the side. Crap, he is faster than I thought. He is closing the gap between us in an instant. What to do?

First thing's first, I need to regain the distance that I lost. I have to take a few steps back and pull back my spear. This is a rough situation to be in, I think I can parry this attack. The problem is I am slower than I thought.

If I completely let go of my spear with my right hand and loosen the grip of my left hand when I pull back my spear. I should be able to make up for the time lost and possibly position myself for a parry.

Damn it, I can tell by the way I am lagging behind that I am not going to make it on time. I won't get out of this completely unscathed, but at the very least I'll make sure this isn't a lethal hit. Why did I have to be built differently?

My senses allow me to gather so much information, and my mind allows me to capitalize on that information. Yet the problem time and time again is I can't really do anything. Everything that should give me an advantage doesn't, just false hope.

I have to see myself getting my ass handed to me in slow motion. No matter how much my mind optimizes my movements, I only have enough time to futilely attempt any plans I make. This is so much worse than being helpless and ignorant.

I am fully aware that there are many things I could have done to avoid this result. I should be blindsided and cut down by this swordsman in the blink of an eye. Instead, I have to endure a slow excruciating process that gives me an illusion of agency.

*Clang*

*Shhhhin*

I am holding my spear in front of my chest at a slanted angle. My left hand is up high near my head holding the butt end of the spear, while my right hand is low towards my waist holding onto the other end of the spear.

It is like I thought, I wasn't able to block all of it. That was a good slash, if it connected entirely I would have been dead for sure. The tip of his katana was able to cut me, but fortunately for me, it didn't go in too deep.

Instead of getting slashed across the chest, I got slashed about a third of the way across the chest. Not ideal, but I'll take what I can get. He's much closer now, I have to push him away from me. I know he's fast enough to attack me again, this one will finish me off for sure.

.

.

.

I am physically stronger than him thanks to Sorcerer's Blade, pushing him back was pretty easy. He's not charging back in, he's just staring at me.

"Calm mind, iron will, and strong senses."

"What?"

"You will be someone worth killing in the future. It would be a waste for our battle to be decided here. I must have you...stronger. I will wait for that time with much anticipation."

He sheathed his sword and just walked away.

'Stat Screen: HP'

[HP 7/32]

Fuck, that was close. I only survived on his desire to have a more satisfying battle. This was quite the ordeal to go through. Oh boy, this is going to be a long night for me.