The Swim

Lance. 

I watch him break into the building with no intentions of leaving. He turns around so suddenly that I have to catch myself from falling, his eyes crinkle as his lips tilt upwards "Almost got it," he exclaims and I watch him pick the lock. 

I have never seen anyone break into anything. He looks so macho in this view that I want him even more. The padlock opens with a click and he fist bump the air in excitement. 

"come on," he grabs my hand in his so quick that I stumble to keep up with his pace. We enter this forbidden place and the darkness gets to me; he says it's okay for us to be here but I really don't think he is being sincere. We had to break in to enter. I notice a sticker on the wall, it is bright yellow and says the words 'STAY OUT' in all caps. More reasons to suspect Ford or Brad, at this moment I don't even know who he is. Makes me think he didn't really give me his real name. If I accuse him, he would have to find out that I know who he really is. I am not ready to get out of this bubble. 

I want to remain inside. 

He stops running when we enter the underground building, it is even darker than the outside. His phone flash suddenly blares and all I see his smile and beautiful eyes. 

"Hi," he sings out still smiling. 

In this light, he looks like a little child with no care in the world. Nothing matters but this moment and I wish I could be that way. I want to let go of my life outside this building. I want to forget about my mom and her new husband. I want to forget that he is not someone I should be herewith. 

Even if it's just for tonight. 

I want to forget it all. 

Grabbing my hand in his tightly he pulls me till we are in front of a staircase leading upstairs "Are we ever going to get to this pool you're talking about?" I question him playfully. 

He smiles in the darkness "Just you wait and see," he drags me up the stairs and I see another door, this one is closed too. He opens it and unlike the rest of the building, this place is bright. So bright that I have to squint my eyes to adjust to the brightness. He chuckles with his eyes wide open "Told you," 

I open my eyes fully and see the pool he has been talking about. It is an Olympic sized pool. I have never seen a pool this big; we don't even have one in school. The swim team always has to go to the public pool for practice. I look at the beauty in front of me with admiration and Ford enjoys every moment of it. "It is beautiful," I exclaim. At this moment, there is nothing on my mind, the fact that everything I found out earlier still lingers is somehow forgotten. I like how being with him Is making me feel. I feel happy for the first time in a long time. 

"Come on," Ford starts to take off his clothes, one by one. I watch him as he strips down to his underwear until he is completely naked. His smile is devious, he knows I am watching him in a not so innocent way and he likes it. He likes that I want him. He is enjoying this, enjoying it too much "you should take yours off," he urges me before jumping into the pool. The water splashes and some get to my clothes, its cold. Very cold. 

He goes under the water and I watch him unsure if this is even a good idea, he broke into the place, what if we get caught somehow? 

"Come on L, you said you'd swim with me," he manages in between breaths as the water splashes. 

"The water is freezing." 

He chuckles "It is not that bad, once you get in you forget about ti." he waves his hands "Come on." 

Taking a deep breath, I listen to him and start to take off my clothes. I wore all these clothes to impress John, we are supposed to be at a dinner table, having a meal. I can't even imagine the reaction he would have if he finds out about this. Ford wouldn't want to be with me anymore--I mean is it even possible. He is a people pleaser. He saw me the other day and acted like he didn't even know who I was. He would deny me instantly. 

I know that much. 

I stop at my boxers and he laughs "You have to take off ALL your clothes," he smiles, waiting patiently. I have seen him naked and he has seen me naked multiple times. I love every part of his body, every dent and flaw and beauty. I have all of them memorized. He is special to me and I don't want to lose what we have. I have never been so confident in my body but with him, I don't care about all that. 

i pull my boxers off and he exclaims excitedly. A smile crawls up to my face as I jump into the water. He grabs me immediately not giving me a chance to even swim. I wrap my arms around his neck and he kisses me softly. I don't even think about how cold the water is, all I can focus on is him. That is how much he takes over my whole world. 

We pull apart from each other slowly and he rests his forehead on mine, our legs are still paddling to keep us afloat "How are you feeling now?" he asks me softly. 

He wants to make sure I am okay. No matter what happens between us, at least I will know that he actually cares about me. What we have is real and no one can take that away from us. Not even my mother. 

Not his father. 

"I'm okay." 

He nods "Do you want to talk about it?" 

I want to tell him everything, I wish I could be honest and talk to him about today. I can't go through this alone but once I do I will end up losing him and I am not ready to lose him. I have so much to gain with him but once he knows the truth, he wouldn't be with me anymore. 

"It's all better now," I lie because that is all I can do. I can only lie to keep him close to me. I have become the kind of person that lies to the ones they loved. I lied to my mother, and now I am lying to him. When will all this end? 

                    ******************** 

"Call me when you get home?" I tell him as he puts his car on park in front of my apartment building. 

He nods his head with a faint smile "I had a good time tonight, I will have to go home and face my father, we had a dinner planned out with his fiance,'' he rolls his eyes and my heart breaks at his words. He is talking about the dinner I ran away from, the dinner I caused a scene at. 

The dinner I am keeping from him. 

Okay. 

"You're quiet," he mutters. 

I sigh "I have a lot on my mind. Don't worry, I will figure it all out. Drive home safe," I move closer to him and plant a kiss on his forehead. He closes his eyes to take it all in and as I leave him and head on upstairs, I hate myself even more. I am the worst person I have ever met. How do I even come back from this? How do I tell him that I knew all along and didn't tell him? Would he even believe me? 

I knock on Jack's door and he opens it with a sleepy look on his face, I must have woken him up. This is confusing because it is just 9 o clock. "You're back." 

I nod "Can I come in?" I look over his shoulders with the hopes that his father is not home. I hate staying at his place when his dad is home—jack hates staying at his place when his father is around. 

"Yeah, sure. Don't worry, he's not home." he opens the door wider and we walk until we get to his room. I sit on his bed and he watches me waiting for me to talk to him. He knows something is wrong, you cant be my best friend and not be able to tell these things. The relationship I have with Jack is so strong that he would be able to tell when I am happy, sad or angry. 

"What happened?" he sits down next to me. 

"I Cant have him," I say those for words and the tears that I have been trying to hold all night rush out. All the pain I have felt come flooding out. Jack holds me and I cry in my best friends arms. 

Thinking about the good thing I will have to lose. 

Just when I found it.