Good or bad

Blue. 

The next morning, I sit up on the bed with Gyles next to me. I didn't sleep a wink last night. Gyles wanted me to get some rest after my breakdown but I couldn't. I kept thinking and worrying. Wondering if he is okay. If he has eaten. I don't know how much longer I can take of this. When I went to see Levine, she seemed lost. She kept calling my name, almost like she wanted me to see her. I have never really had a relationship with her, so I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even in the right frame of mind to have a conversation with her.

I asked her why she did it.

She couldn't give me a definite answer. She couldn't tell me why she thought it was a good idea to kill my mother in cold blood. Her body is still warm and she can't justify her reason for taking her life. Beau said we need to connect with him but I have been trying. No matter how many times I think about him, I still can't feel him.