An Assassin's Mission

Unwittingly, I had fallen into a light sleep, and Eleina had to gently prod me awake. Sitting up slowly and rubbing at my eyes, I realized that what happened had really happened, and I might just have killed the seeds of friendship that had just started growing.

"I'm sorry to disturb your rest, princess," Eleina said softly, as though worried I might be too bothered by the noise. "But, Sir Elmar is waiting for you."

"I understand," I said, standing up to stretch. I looked at the assassin woman as I did so. Her hair was a lighter brown than mine and I would think that if exposed to sunlight, it would appear blonde. I murmured, "I would like to ask something before we leave, though..."

She looked at me quizzically. "Of course."

"Have you seen that white-haired girl around? I think her name was Zepherin," I asked, trying to keep my expression stoic.

At first, Eleina looked like she didn't understand what I had just said, but then her face suddenly turned into one of recognition, and finally into amusement. "Ah, the High Monk's new apprentice. However, I haven't seen the child... Have you, perhaps, made a friend in your brief visits, princess?"

"... I probably made her despise me, instead," I muttered lowly.

"Hmm... It might just be a hunch, but must it have been because of something you have said?" Eleina smiled at me gently, looking not much like the serious faced assassin I have always seen her as.

I promptly nodded at her guess.

"Was it something about her peculiar looks?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Or a guess about her place of origin?" she asked after a thought.

I shook my head again, although now I became more curious about that too.

"... Then, did you somehow insult the Order?"

I flinched.

I wouldn't exactly call my words as insulting, but I suppose that was how Zepherin had taken them. Looking apprehensively at the woman, I fidgeted on my feet. "I didn't mean it as an insult at all. However, as an outsider of your organization, I had probably phrased a few words quite brashly in a bout of frustration..."

"Well, I did hear some... rumors about the High Monk somehow inviting you to become one of us. Even I would have felt troubled if that's the last thing I heard before losing consciousness," Eleina said. Knowing that Eleina was right there beside us when Eva had quite loudly invited me to become an assassin, I knew she was only sugarcoating her words to save her leader's face.

A particularly high pitched quack resounded in the room, rapidly breaking the depressing atmosphere.

"Ahh..." I let out a small sound, staring at the restless creature.

I had forgotten about the bird...

Should I just leave it here?

~~

"Farseer," I greeted him. However, he seemed to be busily reading at a pile of papers, and only glanced for barely a second at me before looking back down.

I looked back at Eleina, who still stood there by the room's door. She had indeed led me to my mentor, but it didn't look like we were leaving any time now. So, I came back to Eleina's side and offered her a seat inside the room. We sat facing each other on some softly padded seats placed farther away from my busy mentor's study table.

Looking round, it didn't look like much. It was designed much like the countless rooms inside the Order and only looked like a slightly more furnished room than the waiting room, which only had a table and some chairs. At least this chamber had a hanged mirror and some shelves filled with numerous, albeit dusty books.

"Well, Eva actually ordered me to leave you a message once you had reunited with your mentor. She deemed that her words must be said while you are in the presence of your guardian, but it seems like he is still hard at work," Eleina told me, setting the elegantly crafted bird cage on top of the tiny table between us.

"Oh, I doubt it would have made a difference," I said. This precaution might have been done because I looked like a young child, but in truth, I wasn't. I could handle decision making on my own, thank you very much.

I told her, "Please do go ahead and relay the head assassin's message. Although he might not be actively listening in, I assure you that we still are in the presence of my mentor. So, you wouldn't exactly be disobeying orders."

I grinned at her, to which she replied with a small smile of her own. "Your words hold truth."

I leaned forward, trying to ignore the bird glaring at me from below. "So, what is it?"

Eleina played with the ends of her low ponytail, before finally straightening up. Opening her mouth, she said, "The Head Assassin Eva would like to formally invite you into the Order. She had continuously had dreams about a new trainee who would play a large role in future events, and she believes the Master may have been referring to you. So, if you would allow it, we would like to house you temporarily in the Order so you could train more easily."

I couldn't quite understand her words. The Master, who I believe was their death god of some kind, has been giving dream messages to their leader about some important person... and they think it's about me??

"... I am still in disbelief if I am to be truthful," I told her after a long bout of silence. "I doubt I am such a person. And even if I was, I would still have to graciously decline the offer. Becoming a trainee will mean I would become an assassin, and I do not have a wish to take the lives of living beings."

Eleina seemed to be in deep thought, and then, she said, "I have a belief that your biases could be changed."

Seeing her look so confidently, as though she knew I would agree to her so easily, as though it was a fact that just hasn't come to be... I grew angry.

"It's not about my biases!" I uttered, balling my hands into fists. "I simply don't want to kill, and no matter how greatly one might change the vile act's name, or no matter how beautifully it is colored and fashioned to seem more valiant, it will still only be the act of taking a person's life! I said this once, and I'm saying it to you now: I will not be a murderer!"

And... there goes another sprouting friendship.

However, Eleina didn't seem all that angry nor upset. In fact, she only nodded her head in a guise of agreement. "You might be right, princess, and the Order might just be a band of murderers off to shed more blood. However, I think you might be misunderstanding something."

I looked at her, doubting her words. Yet, I still listened.

"You see, princess, not all of us in the Order are... murderers. Many, if not most, are not assigned to actively do the killing. Many of us are researchers and scholars... Finding out the truth of life and death is our mission, and seeking peace amidst the chaos of this world is our calling. And if, by some chance, taking the life of one person can create the peace we long for and end the sufferings of millions, then so be it. The Order will do the evil deeds to make a better future."

Eleina didn't look all that different and her expression was still mild, but I did see a glimpse of passion deep within her eyes.

However, I still shook my head. "I understand where you're coming from... but I just can't be part of an organization like this. Even as a researcher or a scholar, I would still be indirectly causing a murder... I'm sorry, but I don't think this is for me."

Eleina sighed and allowed her body to lean upon the chair's backrest.

I stared at my hands, still crumpled into tight fists, and allowed them to open. This action allowed the blood to rush in, and I saw how my skin filled back with color. Shakily, I looked down at the white bird quietly staring back at me, and I wondered why I had seemed so frustrated. Whenever anyone had mentioned the invitation, I would grow cranky with anger.

Looking back at my two lives, I hadn't particularly been against murder. I even somewhat agreed that killing a vile person was better than letting him run amok to commit more vicious crimes. So, I wasn't so sure why I was so adamant about refusing to become an assassin, even as an indirect one. I've never been a great believer of the Sun God Solus' teachings. Because even though the Saulian people had worshiped the God of goodness and kindness, I knew they had portrayed the very opposite in reality. So, I knew it wasn't even religion or morality that drove me.

So, why was I so against it? What made me so angry that I could easily break relationships with people I had come to care for?