Clean Hands and Blank Minds

Werten was the first to be entranced by the seduction of the feast. Being the behemoth that he was, the lack of food had hit him the hardest out of everyone present. Even though he was a proper legatus and had every right to dine like one throughout the journey, he understood that stuffing himself while his army was marching on half an empty stomach was just steps away from a full-blown mutiny. Even the princess was no better, her eyes glued to the roasted chicken at the center of the table, and only managed to come back to her senses once Reni had lightly nudged her shoulder. The six of them would love nothing more than to rush at the table and proceed to wolf down anything in their path, but as of this moment they are akin to ambassadors of the entirety of humanity, and so manners still had to be upheld.

"Greetings Lord Vietas. Your hospitality is much appreciated." The princess slightly bowed her head.

Vietas, silently looking at her for a brief moment, before gesturing at the chairs. "Please, take a seat." Even for a feast, the clothes he was donning albeit quite strange, were not at all glamourous. Draped over his deep blue tunic was strangely another short tunic made of leather, but open at the front, embroidered by a column of metallic circles on one side. Below that was a leather sash with a metal plate in the middle, fastening what appeared to be a pair of dark pants. While it was nothing strange for orci to wear pants, seeing them on a human being was still quite jarring. The female orcus beside him was also observing them with great interest. Her build is much smaller than your average orcus, and she could very well be mistaken for a human woman if not for those distinctively beastly emerald sclera glistening in the candlelight, perfectly matched with her deep green hair bearing the visage of a lush and verdant forest. Much of her body is covered by a black cloak devoid of wrinkles, and one could faintly make out a sky blue dress underneath. At this moment, an alarm rang inside Rubi's mind, and that soon turn into a hysterical warning once she saw Vietas pulling out the chair next to his.

"This is…" Rubi stammered, vaguely guessing what she had done, or rather had not done.

Vietas smiled at the woman and introduced. "This is my wife, Val."

"Your wha…" Harkon's shriek got abruptly cut off by Reht's hand over his mouth before more damage was done, who despite his sensibility also looked as if he had been force-fed some tree bark.

Rubi forced open the most crooked smile anyone had ever seen from her "Please pardon my rudeness Lady Val. I did not know…"

"Oh no need to be alarmed princess. These things do tend to happen." In return, Val only giggled at this seemingly innocent slight. Knowing that she spoke Common only make Harkon regretted his slip of the tongue even more.

While the entourage was still at a loss on how to proceed, Vietas sat down and nonchalantly gave them a bizarre instruction. "Go wash your hands in the corner over there before we begin."

The six of them once again looked at each other in confusion, wondering if this time he indeed meant it as an insult. Was not greeting his orcus wife a crime so heinous that he was implying that they had just taken a dump in his dining room? Why else would you need to wash your hands? Or did he really think they all collectively defecate beforehand to make room for his feast?

Nonetheless, the princess still reluctantly led the way towards a corner of the room, and there they saw the outcrop of a copper tube curving downwards like a beak, with a cylindrical knob mounted on its head. Below that was a large wooden bowl fixed to the wall, with a pipe at the bottom connected to the ground. On the small ledge where the bowl and the wall were joined, a small indentation was carved, on which stood some sort of milky yellowish bar. These strange trinkets were certainly eye-catching, and in a more relaxing setting she would even stop to admire their craftmanship, but all Rubi could think was how could one possibly wash their hands with a wooden bowl. The only possibility she could think of was that the pipe was connected to a deposit of groundwater, and she must now use magic to bring it up. Stealing a glance at the host, she noticed that he not only had no intention of helping them, instead smirking at the sight of them fumbling around a bowl. Rubi steeled herself and prepare to cast her magic when Val seemed to have sensed her intent before abruptly shouting. "Stop. Stop. Thiorna, please go help out guests."

While the maid was walking over, Vietas' not so discrete snickers were quickly snuffed out with a backhand slap to his arm. The maid, as if all too familiar with their antics, headed towards the corner, placing her hand on the knob and turned it ever so slightly, and from the copper tube which they thought was a mere decorative, water gushed forth.

"Holy fuck!" Harkon, mouth agape, looked at the maid as if she was the Goddess of Life Cela herself. Rubi was no better and stood there, stupefied, staring soullessly at the small stream of water splashing on the bowl before flowing futilely into the small pipe. The princess hastily stepped forward and soaked her hand, when the maid turned the knob even further, unleashing a torrent of chilly water thoroughly caressing her hands. The maid then pointed at the peculiar bar in front of her and continued the instruction." Wash hand with that."

Rubi picked up the bar and was immediately taken aback by how slippery and squishy it was. After rubbing it on her hands, carefully of course, as not to accidentally crushing or dropping the bar, she rinsed them again with water, and her hands were suddenly hit by a wave of novel sensations. Levity engulfed her hands as if they had just been freed from the shackles of the grime and dirt Rubi did not even know she had. As she subconsciously rubbing her left hand with her right one, the two smoothly slid upon one another, both amazingly soft to the touch. The princess brought her hands closer to her face for a closer inspection, when a pleasant aroma, lilac as she recognized, wafted into her nose, bringing her back to a time not too long ago when she would enjoy lavish private baths with scented oil every day without a care in the world.

Upon returning to the table, Rubi had all but forgotten about Vietas' petty prank and started to enthusiastically question him instead. "That slimy block over there is truly gods' work. Is that perhaps an Eastern luxuriant?"

"Right? You really need to bathe with it to get the full experience! It hasn't always smelled this nice you know." Val brightly replied, as very few were as appreciative of this product as her. "Back then it felt like I was rubbing dead animals on my skin."

"May I ask how it is called, Lady Val?"

"It's soap."

"Ah? I guess it does resemble that but..."

"Is there also soap where you're from?"

"No, no... Do you by any chance know the albes?"

The princess took note of both the hosts' reactions. While Val's confusion was understandable since albes were only ever present in the west, with a small group living inside the Empire's territory to the east, they were almost unheard of this far east. However, Vietas' reaction was more interesting, since it seemed that he also had never met one either, which implied that there were no albes beyond the Endless Steppe.

"You see, they are a group of de... err, a group to the northwest of the Empire, and they rule the Western Kingdoms. Albes are tall, pale, and exceedingly arrogant because they always consider their magic to be superior."

"Is it?" Vetas interjected with great interest for the first time.

"Well," Rubi briefly paused and carefully considered her words, "their magic is truly more ancient. It's even said that all magics are just derivations of alben magic. While an alben high druid is certainly more powerful than an average mage from the Empire, we have properly theorized and standardized magic, and therefore can produce a much larger number of mages."

Seeing how Vietas was deep in contemplation, and she had somehow strayed quite far from the topic, the princess then turned back to Val and explained. "So anyway, soap is also the substance with which the male albes coat their hair to stylize them, although the thing itself always smells like dead deer."

"Ours sounds like the much better one." Val puffed out her chest with pride, relief that it was not Vietas who made that other weird kind of soap.

"Oh without a doubt this is milia better." 'Although it is quite strange how they have the same name.' Rubi thought to herself. "If you were to ship this to the capital, they will surely sell like hot placentae amongst the nobilis."

Vietas, who was sipping wine from a large wooden cup, almost choked on his drink and looked at the princess incredulously. "Like hot what??"

"Hot placentae," Rubi replied with much confusion, not knowing what had prompted such an intense reaction. "The cake with various layers of dough mixed with cheese and honey." Seeing Vietas had calmed himself down, Rubi then raised her suspicion. "Does placenta also mean something else here?"

Right then, the other six returned to the table, two of whom were greedily sniffing their hands. Vietas conveniently found the perfect excuse to dodge the question and commenced the much-anticipated feast.

***

"...ace, Your Grace. Wake up." Rubi groggily opened her eyes to the gentle nudges on her shoulders. Turning around, Reni's blurry face gradually came into view, slightly blocking the blinding light searing into her eyes. She turned around again, wanting nothing else but to bury her head back into this pillow for a few more hours, irritated even by Reni for waking her up so suddenly.

"Wake up Your Grace. It's near midday already." Reni continued to nudge her.

Rubi jolted out of her drowsiness and slowly sat up. A wave of pain slammed into her head like a hammer, and the princess had to hold on Reni's arm before sitting up straight. "What happened?" She grimaced while gently rubbing her temple.

"You don't remember princess? You... ah, well, everyone had too much to drink." Reni whispered softly.

"Right." Chunks of memories then started to unveil themselves to her. "They really do just chug down wine here without any restraint."

Drinking undiluted wine back in the Empire was highly improper, and offering someone that was even considered to be an insult. Most of the wine she had was no different than fruit-flavored water, and even an entire evening of drinking could only get you tipsy at most. Never before had she tasted wine like this one, the bittersweet spirit intrigued your tongue from the first drink, conquered your palate by the second, and numbed your mind by the third. Rubi couldn't even remember half the things she said last night, and she was pretty sure at one point she was rowdily laughing with Val like a pair of bosom friends.

"Oh, gods." Rubi buried her face into her hands. "Did I reveal any critical information last night?"

"No, you mostly complained about how lonely you were in the palace. Sir Oga started snoring halfway through the banquet, sir Harkon was laughing at him the whole time, and sir Werten kept eating and drinking quietly without pause. Only sir Reht was sober enough to bring everybody back to camp." Reni recounted the night before with the softest voice she could muster.

"I see." Rubi nodded her head in approval of Reht's reliability as always. "But why are you speaking like that?"

"Lady Val stopped by a while ago and reminded me to speak as softly as possible when waking you up, or the headache will be even much worse."

"Ah, how kind of her." Rubi was, at first, truly appreciated the courtesy extended to her. But then, out of the blue, she looked incredulously at Reni and the light shining behind her, which now had ceased to be so glaringly bright, revealing a dazzling blue sky dotted by idle clumps white clouds.

"How the hell is there a hole in my tent?" She confusingly wondered, but then everything started to come into focus. There she saw a neat rectangular frame through which the light was pouring, and beneath that was an elegant dresser decorated with a vase of some exotic flowers and a few tiny statuettes. Looking around, she realized that she was lying on a sizable bed with proper beddings and plenty of pillows, not the shoddy camp bed with which she had come be familiar for the past month. Even with her wine-addled mind, Rubi could tell that she had spent the night at the house of a bona fide orcus chieftain.