5

"It's a shame we never found the Malfoy's vault, eh, Pads? I bet that's where that fucker kept all his cool clothes."

Sirius snorted but didn't answer, too busy trying to pick a bit of food out of his teeth with a book he'd transfigured into a tooth pick. He hoped Moony wouldn't miss it. They were sitting in Harry's room, or at least Sirius was. Harry himself was standing in front of the full length mirror in the corner, turning this way and that and admiring himself. His hair had grown out a little longer than shoulder length and he'd had Ruby put a dread in at the back. He'd found a cool bead with a tooth charm hanging off of it that he'd attached to the end of the dread, and firmly ignored Hermione's warning that the tooth looked like it was diseased. He was wearing black skinny jeans ripped across the knees and a sleeveless grey tee that had slashes all across the back. The front had the words 'Tom Riddle is a bitty baby' emblazoned across it. It had been Sirius's birthday present to his godson.

"I mean, seriously though - "

"I'm Sirius!"

"He had some pretty cool fashion sense. All swishy cloaks and fuckin' pointy boots," Harry carried on, ignoring both Sirius's lack of interest in the conversation and his idiotic jokes.

"I'm boooorrreeeddd!" Sirius whined. Harry ignored him again.

"Maybe Draco inherits all his pointy boots now. Maybe he'll lend them to me. He's coming tonight, did I tell you?"

"I'm soooooo bored!" Sirius repeated, just for kicks. He knew full well that now that Harry had talked himself around to the subject of Draco bleeding Malfoy (as Sirius referred to the boy in the privacy of his own mind) he could probably say anything at all and Harry wouldn't notice.

"I walked in on your dad fucking Snape once," he said, to test it out. "Really going for it and all. They had this cheesecake and - "

"Does this look alright?" Harry asked, ignoring his godfather easily.

"Fuck's sake, pup, you look bloody… ravishing or whatever. Can we fucking do something now!"

"You want to do something?" Moony asked from the doorway. Sirius jumped guiltily and tucked the toothpick up his sleeve. "You can go and find me another copy of 'Grindelwald and Germany' seeing as you've bloody nicked my other copy and done god knows what with it."

"Eurgh, book shops," Sirius wrinkled his nose up. Moony crossed his arms and looked down his nose sternly at the two of them until Sirius began to wilt under his best friend's gaze. Harry saw what was about to happen and attempted to ward it off.

"But Moony, it's my birthday and… oh for fuck's sake." He stood up and dropped his chin towards his chest, dejectedly following his godfather out of the room and out of the house.

Moony smirked happily and headed to the fireplace in the kitchen. He had a few people to contact.

"Eurgh, book shops," Harry complained, standing in the middle of Flourish and Blotts. And then, "Oooh, they have another copy of 'Invisibility Potions and You' in." Harry had made the mistake of lending his last copy to Ron, who had promptly tried to brew one of the potions. The problems started when he decided it was safer to run human trials after making sure that he hadn't managed to make acid or something. Of course, the book itself had been the nearest thing at hand and once it turned out that Ron had in fact managed to brew a potion correctly for once in his life, he had decided to turn the book invisible. He then promptly dropped the invisible book onto the floor of the Common room and kicked it under a sofa in his attempts to pick it up. Suffice to say, it had never been seen again.

"Nerd," Sirius scoffed, nudging a table with his foot and making two of the shop assistants hovering worriedly around the pair wince.

"Fuck off, old man. And get Moony's bloody book, would you? I want to get home already so I can pick my outfit."

"I thought that was your damn outfit? I swear, pup, you're getting vainer than your dad these days. And that's saying something, I once found Prongs plucking his-"

"Ahem. Can I help you gentlemen at all?" One of the braver shop assistants had gathered her courage and approached the slightly infamous pair.

"Oh, fuck, I've forgotten what the book was called."

"Grindelwald and Gambia?" Harry tried, scratching the back of his head. "Grindelwald and Greece? There was some alliteration in there somewhere, I'm sure."

"Ah, Grindelwald and Germany?" The assistant asked after a minute in which she stared silently at the words scrawled across Harry's shirt. He and Sirius waited patiently. After all, it wasn't every day that the Boy-Who-Lived and his ex-convict godfather strolled into your bookstore, let alone when one of them is wearing a tee-shirt with 'Voldemort is a bitty baby' written on it.

"That's the one, love," Sirius grinned charmingly and Harry rolled his eyes.

"If you hadn't turned his other copy into a toothpick, we wouldn't even have to be here," Harry grumbled, scuffing his toe on the floor.

"Oh shut up, pup. You know he only wanted us out of the house so he could plan your surprise… uhh… your surprise hair cut. Yep, hair cut, that's the one. Surprise hair cut on your birthday… ahaha…" Sirius trailed off, looking around desperately for the shop assisted who was fetching his book. He missed the way that his godson brightened at the news.

"Hair cut? Cool."

By the time they left, Harry was thoroughly looking forward to his surprise hair cut and Sirius was beginning to worry about the effect all the booze had had on Harry's mental health. He didn't remember his godson being this dumb when they first met.

"You!"

They were both brought out of their thoughts by a female voice yelling at them from across the street. At least, the assumed she was yelling at them. Usually any yelling in their vicinity was aimed at them, after all. They were easy targets.

"Us?" Harry asked, pausing in the act of lighting the cigarette that Sirius was holding between his lips. The crowds before them began to part and a slightly short, rather slender girl with dark hair strode towards them looking furious.

"It wasn't me," Sirius said immediately, giving up on the cigarette and tucking it unlit behind his ear. "What did you do, pup?"

"Oh, uh, hey Pansy," Harry said, trying to back off a step but being blocked by the crowd that had gathered in a circle to watch. Many of them were openly sneering at Harry and Sirius, probably either because they were dressed like muggles or because they were dressed like particularly slutty (in Harry's case) and unkempt (in Sirius's case) muggles. Or, perhaps, because they were pure-blood supremists. You never know, these days.

"Wait, this is Pansy?" Sirius asked, "Yule Ball Pansy?"

"Yes, idiot, this is Pansy. Pansy Parkinson, in fact. And you are the fucking disgusting little mudblood who stole Draco from me. And then, and then! And then you decided that ruining his life by associating himself with you wasn't enough, and you decided to make him insane as well!"

"You can't fucking blame me for th-" Harry started to say angrily, but was cut off my Pansy who was beginning to sound more and more hysterical by the second.

"If you think I'll let you get away with this, Potter, that we'll let you get away with this, you're as crazy as your little boyfriend!"

Harry ground his teeth and stepped forward but Sirius grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Nuh-uh, pup, never start a fight with a woman as pissed off as this one is. Especially a Slytherin. They're sneaking fuckers, she'll curse your balls off or something," he muttered into his godson's ear. Of course, Sirius's idea of a quiet mutter is most people's idea of a normal conversational tone, so everybody around them heard him. Most of the men in the crowd squeezed their knees together and winced.

"That's right, Potter," Pansy spat out, backing off slightly. "You don't want to start a fight you won't win. And you'll never win against us." With that, she turned around in a whirl of robes and strode off into the crowd. Harry and Sirius just stood there for a minute as the crowd began to disperse around them, gossiping as they went.

"So, she seems nice," Sirius said eventually with a slightly strained grin. Harry choked out a laugh.

"Oh, yeah. She's great fun. Who the fuck is 'us' though? Her little crew of Slytherins? Oooo, I'm so scared!"

They laughed and the last bit of tension broke. Harry still sort of wanted to hit something, mainly because of the remarks about Draco, but he could wait. Maybe he'd get to hit something later, after his hair cut.

"Come on, pup," Sirius said, heading off towards the Leaky Cauldron, "They're probably all ready for your, ah, hair cut by now. Besides, you hang around here for too long and you're bound to get in another fight and then I always seem to get blamed for it."

"That's 'cos you're the responsible adult, Siri."

"Am I fuck!"

"Surprise!"

Harry stood in the doorway of the kitchen, blinking in shock as about twenty or so people grinned back at him. Hermione, Ron, and Neville were all there, as well as Cedric, the twins, Ginny and Luna. Bill was hovering near Fleur and Arthur and Molly stood off in one corner with Ruby, Tonks and her mother standing nearby. Remus and Dobby were grinning at the front of the lot. Hagrid took up the entire end of the table nearest to the fireplace and slightly hidden behind him were the people (or person) that Harry was happiest to see. Professor Snape, Blaise and Draco.

"Uh, so I guess the surprise isn't a hair cut, then?" Harry asked. His friends all looked at him bemusedly and Sirius barked out a laugh from behind him.

"Um, no. It isn't," Remus said, glancing at Sirius as though he thought his friend had gone completely crazy. "It's a party. We did the same thing last year, remember… how did you not guess this was going to happen?"

"What?" Harry asked, whining a little, "Pads said I was getting a surprise haircut!"

"And you believed him?" Hermione raised her eyebrows incredulously. They all ignored the furious and frustrated gestures that Snape was making.

"Yep, he's a dumb dumb all right!" Sirius cheered, clapping his godson on the back. "No how about some presents!"

The rest agreed and they spent an enjoyable half hour watching Harry rip open wrapping paper to find an assortment of books, bottles, clothes and various odd little items. Snape was making furious gestures again, staring at the back of Harry's head, but Blaise was the only one who paid him any mind and then only because his professor was constantly nudging his arm, miming writing on a piece of paper. Once the presents were over and done with and Molly was bustling around rustling up some food whilst everyone else (bar Luna and Draco who were having a hushed and distinctively giggly conversation in one corner) lounged around the table chatting, Blaise found a piece of parchment and a quill from the pockets of his robe. Snape scribbled furiously.

"Uh, Harry," Blaise called over a moment later, "Not to cause any alarm, but Professor Snape seems to think that the tooth charm on your dreadlock is cursed."

Snape stabbed his finger into the piece of parchment and Blaise shot him an annoyed look. Draco suddenly appeared behind Harry and began sniffing his ex-boyfriend's hair.

"I was getting to it, sir. Apparently you should take it out immediately or it might explode at any moment, probably taking your head with it."

There was a hushed silence across the room and Ruby subtly reached forward and pulled Draco away from the danger by his arm. Sirius barked out a laugh and pulled the charm off with his bare hand.

"Ow, Siri, that bloody hurt!" Harry whined, holding the back of his head where a few strands of hair had been yanked out. Snape face palmed in the background.

"You can put it in here, Mr Padfoot," Luna stepped forward, helpfully holding out a little box with the lid open. Sirius dropped it in, eyeing her suspiciously, and she snapped the lid shut. Everyone in the kitchen breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well," Harry said in a tone that was only a tiny bit strained. "I think we all deserve a drink!"