Can I Tell You Something I've Never Told Anyone

Aosh was crying.

The Alpha sat there looking at his lap, his fingers rubbing over his knuckles. Silent tears fell from his eyes in thin rivulets. His lips quivered when he spoke.

"...You really think so..?"

Tiza was stunned. He'd never seen an Alpha cry before.

Aosh's eyes met his and Tiza could tell there was a well of emotions behind them but couldn't tell what they were. After seeing Tiza's stunned reaction the Alpha froze and began to wipe at his face trying to stop the tears, but it was a futile effort.

"So-sor-sorry… it's just…" he sniffled and looked up at the ceiling.

"...Can I tell you something I've never told anyone before…?"

"Mmn." Now Aosh had Tiza's full attention; curious as to why he reacted this way.

"I've known Daniella for almost a year…. and she is the only friend to stay with me this long. Ever I've uh always have had problems keeping people around for...some reason. She's the first one to stay, she means so much to me...s-so to hear her go through all that it wa-was.." he took a deep shuddering breath trying to hold it together, "hard."

"Sorry, I just- I don't want to needlessly worry her. She already has so much to deal with I didn't want to show her how it affected me. It had nothing to do with me."

In reality, Aosh was just afraid he would do something to push her away, like everyone before her. He continued.

"I've only ever heard negative things about me. Everyone I had around me expected things from me, wanted things from me, things I guess I could never give them. I always knew I was doing something wrong. So to hear you say I'm a good friend….it means a lot." His voice drifted off to a whisper and he covered his face with his arm, maybe trying to wipe his tears or hide his embarrassment in bearing his heart out of the blue.

His mate mark flashed in front of Tiza's vision but none of the anxiety associated with it came forth. Tiza stared at it long and hard not really looking at it but trying to see the face beyond it.

By the way Aosh talked it sounded like what Tiza said was something he'd been wanting to hear for a while. Aosh put a lot of value into friendship. Did that mean he put this much value in the friendship that he and Tiza had? If that were the case it only made Tiza feel worse about how he's treated Aosh than before. Which was ridiculous within itself, why should he feel bad for an Alpha? Maybe not all Alphas deserved his sympathy, but the one crying next to him was certainly earning it.

He had been simply using the other for his own gain up to this point, to ease his anxieties, but to hear that the same act had been used countless times before on the Alpha. Well now Tiza truly felt like an asshole and that he deserved to be called one.

Tiza worried his lip thinking of a suitable reply to such an emotional confession.

"I haven't had a lot of friends either if any. Believe it or not I'm kinda hard to get along with."

That dragged a short laugh out of Aosh, Tiza let it slide, it was the truth.

"So me saying that you're a good friend, I don't take that kind of thing lightly. I've had my doubts about you but you never cease to prove them wrong. I owe you an apology."

"No, I owe you an apology," Aosh said, finally shifting his gaze from the ceiling and back to Tiza, " If I made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe in any way that wasn't my intention. Sometimes I let my emotions get away from me, but the last thing I wanted to do was to scare you. Seeing how Daniella was treated made me realize how unfairly Omegas can be treated. I deserved everything you said to me and anything else you think makes up for it." Aosh was overwhelmingly sincere, he needed to make sure his point got across.

"Let's just call it even then. There's no use in arguing who was in the right. And if it means anything…"

'I enjoy being friends with you.' Is what he was going to say until the front door opened and Daniella walked in.

"Hey, I brought home dinner from that Korean place you've been talking abou- Oh! I didn't know you were still here. Man, I knew I should've bought more…."

"Oh hell, what time is it? Wow, it's already '8:45'." Aosh said, his tone full of cheer once more. He checked his phone and his reflection in it to make sure he didn't look like he just cried for the last fifteen minutes.

Tiza got up abruptly and began to put on his shoes.

"If it's this late I have to go anyway," he said to the other Omega, "...I had fun, tonight." He said to Aosh. They exchanged goodbyes and then he walked past Daniella and out the door.

Daniella came to the dinner table to set down the to-go bags she carried.

"I interrupted something didn't I?"

"Uh, no we were just talking," he says, joining her.

"Really? About?"

"Nothing in particular. You didn't introduce yourself to him did you?"

"No. Why?"

"He thought you were my girlfriend!"

Daniella bursts into tears that's how hard she's laughing.

"Maybe that's why he was looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like he wanted to rip my head off! I just thought he was an angry guy, but I guess he's the jealous type."

Daniella set the takeout on the tabletop and opens the containers to serve herself, steam and the delicious aroma of meat and spices filled the air. She switches over the tv and puts on a show to watch from where they eat at the table.

The urge to ask how everything went while she was gone was strong. For meeting Tiza for the first time, if you could call exchanging a few words, he seemed like the pensive cold type. She wondered how they both got along, Aosh was as close to a ray of sunshine as you could get. As far as she could tell they might as well be polar opposites. But that fact alone wouldn't stop Aosh's pursuit of the other.

Aosh wished he could tell Daniella about the conversation the pair just had, but since it was concerning her he didn��t think it was appropriate. He meant what he said earlier that he didn't want to worry her. It was only a matter of time until his emotional dam broke and all the things he usually bottles up came out. Whether he thought he should've divulged how he felt to Tiza, he was still unsure.

Their relationship wasn't that deep, hell they were still getting to know each other, but Tiza was still an ear that would listen. And that's all Aosh needed to spill his heart.

He'd lost friends because of his emotions before, so many times he'd lost count. It seemed showing emotional weakness was considered a flaw if you were an Alpha. Society's standards for Alphas were high and strict. In a lot of ways if you didn't conform you didn't belong, and for most of his life, that's how Aosh felt. At some point he said 'fuck it this is how I am and I won't change for anyone', but it was still lonely nonetheless when no one stayed because you deviated too far from the norm.

He wondered what preconceived notions Tiza had about him while he fixed himself a plate of food. He has no doubts the man had some. Silently Aosh had been stepping on eggshells for fear of chasing him off. Aosh's little breakdown a while ago had him fearful after he realized he'd started to cry in front of the other. Worry of him leaving right then and there surged through him, but Tiza stayed and listened.

That fact alone almost made Aosh's eyes wet once again. Aosh had never felt heard before, but at that moment he was free to confide in someone. The fact that the person was Tiza only made it sweeter. Aosh couldn't help but lament about it, he felt that what happened today may have pushed him deeper into the friend zone.

'It's fine,' he told himself. Things aren't how I've always imagined them to be but this...this is nice.'

For now, it was more than enough to have another friend.

Aosh pushed his food around on the plate as his mind began to wander. Familiar thoughts pushed up from the darkest part of his mind, each one fighting to get to the surface.

'Will they stay? Aren't they going to leave like all the others? It's just a matter of time until you're alone again.'

'Daniella is only staying with you because she has no place to go, do you think she'd still be here otherwise?'

'Who knows why Tiza is humoring you and sticking around. Guess you'll have to wait and find out.'

'Your heart is going to be ripped out again. Maybe this time you'll die from it because he is the last person you want on the other end of this hurt that you feel.'

'This hurt that you fear.'

Aosh's eyes bored into his food, currently lost in his train of self-deprecating thoughts. They taunted him going round and round. Quietly he thinks it's always like this whenever he lets dam that blocks his emotions open. It's like the emotions never stop until he's cried so much he feels like an empty husk.

Distantly he can hear Daniella laugh at the tv, saying something between bites of her food. She's right next to him but her voice seems so far away. God he wished his head would be silent, he wished all this static noise would just go away. The only solution to the noise felt like it had to be banging his head against the wall until he passed out or pulling his hair out until the thoughts were replaced by pain.

The fact that the evening had derailed this far made him even more upset. God, it had been a while since he was this far gone. He feels a vibration in his pocket and absentmindedly checks his phone. He's got two text messages, one from Hunter which makes his heart squeeze painfully and he chooses to ignore. The other is from Tiza.

Tiza 9:32

I've come to the conclusion that your game is rigged. There's no way I'm that horrible at a dancing game. Not possible. Look at this.

[Link to DDR Wiki]

Now, this is what we should actually be playing on, not that plastic bullshit. I could dance circles around you on that thing, look at it.

Tiza 9:33

Anyway, we're having a rematch at the nearest arcade, and no you don't get a choice. My pride is at stake.

There was nothing funny about the message but Aosh laughed. He laughed because like he'd always thought, Tiza was able to numb the pain he felt. He had done it before they had met, always being a crutch in the years alone he faced and now he did the same thing.

The negative thoughts still stayed, a couple of text messages couldn't erase them, but they became less loud as he texted the other back. Tiza had always been a ray of light in his loneliness. A speck of hope. And even if that speck of hope wasn't what he'd been imagining all these years he still grabbed onto it and cherished it for what it was. He perked up, no longer caught up in his downward spiral, and began to eat in earnest, joining Daniella in watching whatever was on the tv.