Back to Zero

The scroll remained unread, after his mother caught him.

It was a cloudy morning, almost as if the sun was deliberately hiding away from the earth. The sky was grey, with not even a patch of blue escaping through the thick, grey blanket.

Lee's mother was silent in the main room, keeping the details of what had conspired the night before away from his sister. She also looked calmer, too calm, as if she had made her peace with something, as she gazed down at her supposed useless son. Lee continued to shovel his congee into his mouth, without looking up at her, mumbling his thanks, as soon as he was finished, dropping his bowl down on the floor, as he rushed out of the door, grabbing his boots on the way without putting them on, hopping outside as he was forced to do so and sprinting as soon as he heard the telltale clack of wood hitting wood.

Lee wasn't sure what his mother was planning, nor what she seemed to have decided, but he knew that, whatever it was, it certainly wouldn't be good for him. He had almost left the village perimeter when he heard his name, in a high pitched and desperate voice, being screamed out from behind him.

It was his sister, and she had been running too, to reach him. She stumbled slightly over her sandals as she slowed to a stop, skidding in the mud, ruining them, in front of him, as he turned around.

"Mum's gone to the matchmakers," she panted out, direct and unwilling to soften the blow of her words. She grabbed his robes as she pulled her self up, keeping a hand on him, as if to keep him from bolting.

Lee couldn't move.

His breathing stopped, and all he could hear was his heart pounding and blood rushing through his ears.

This was worse than being caught sneaking out in the woods at night. This was probably worse than the public beating and humiliation that he would have received if he was caught by anyone else in those woods.

If he got married, he would be leashing himself to the village, chaining himself for the rest of his life. He wouldn't be able to leave, having some poor lady, against her will, tied to him, all in the name of satisfying his mother's wishes and desires.

His life would be over, and he would be dragging someone else to share in his miserable existence.

Someone who wouldn't deserve that, and would be helpless to do anything about it, the village was much harsher on widows, than widowers, if worse came to worse.

He would make her the laughing stock of the village. He wouldn't even be able to give her children. He would be dishonouring her, her family, and her ancestors just by marrying her. He couldn't even afford a house, and would have to live with his mother, firmly under her grasp.

He wasn't like the other boys his age, their fathers joining them in the fields, and able to put all their earnings towards savings as their fathers could support the household. He would be stuck with his mother, until she died in who knows how many decades.

Another lady would have to suffer, just as his sister did, under mountains of strict instructions on how to be a good wife. And another person would be subjected to his mother's screams and yells, as every single one of his actions were criticised, again and again and again.

There would no reprieve or respite for him, or his new wife.

And he didn't even want a wife!

He didn't want to marry!

If he wanted to marry, he wanted to have a-

"Sister, I need to leave. I need to go," Lee choked out, his vision suddenly blurring. He brought one hand up to his face, dimly surprised to feel wetness, watching the clear, sparkling liquid drip from his fingers when he brought them away from his burning skin.

He was crying.

She nodded and dragged Lee back home, ignoring each and every stumble of his as he seemed to trip over every rock, tree root and sand grain, on their way back to the place where they couldn't consider home anymore.

They took the forest paths, hiding them from the prying eyes of the village, and any rumours that might sprout from their presence in a place where they shouldn't be. Lee knew that at the fields, his absence would be discussed, and endlessly debated as theories grew wilder, and speculations spread like wildfire, burning bright, and tall, with a rapidly dwindling fuel source, with Lee not being there.

He watched his sister throw open the door, march in and begin to bundle all his clothing into his bedsheets.

She reached down into her side of the chest and fumbled out a small, money pouch, filled with a small portion of Lee's wages, collected over the last couple of years, his sister mostly accustomed to charming any travelling pedlars to get what she wanted with her face and acting coy. She placed it in with the rest of Lee's belongings, hiding it among his under robes and waist sashes.

Lee was beginning to feel quite useless, standing around, doing nothing, as his mother moved against him, and his sister sought to save him. He felt as if he was a spectator, watching his own life from outside his body.

Lee didn't know where he was supposed to go.

He couldn't go to the next village, well tied to this one and happy to report where he went. He only knew the paths towards the mountains on the horizon, the forest dense and deep, on the opposite side of the village, and mostly unknown to him.

He knew there were rivers though, and he knew that there were fruit trees. If he went to all the places he knew, he would almost certainly be caught, and forced to go back. If he went to explore the unknown, he was much more likely to lose his life, but he was also much more likely to escape.

It wasn't even a decision.

Of course he was going towards the unknown.

Even if he wasn't able to examine his smooth, overly large river rock, that he had found in the field, he could at least pursue this mystery, and he would be able to take a detour, and pick up his scroll, once more.

He made his way to the storage chest, in the living room, heaving up the biggest bag of uncooked rice for himself, aware that he wouldn't be able to carry much more without losing the ability to run. He looked at the pouch of peanuts, and took them too, as well as several water pouches, clipping the peanuts and water pouches to his belt.

He carried the rice sack back to the bedroom, hanging over his shoulder, where his sister looked like she was finished.

"Little Mei, I'm sorry," Lee called out to her, from the door, and she paused for a short second, before quickly moving once more.

She threw Lee's belongings over to him, before rushing towards him, and wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, her fingers digging into his skin, her arms strong as if they were made of metal, as if she was pouring all the love that she had been supressing for years into that one hug.

Lee felt himself choking up once more, and he let the bag slip off his shoulder onto the floor, as he returned his sister's hug, holding her as tightly as she held him.

The sun moved out from behind the clouds, enshrining Lee's sister in the gold of its light, and Lee felt as if he was looking on at a divine being, his sister's hair illuminated gold, and her tan skin shining.

The sun, once again, hid itself behind the clouds, content to have given enough light today, and the moment had passed.

Lee pulled one of the loose floorboards away, and pulled out his own, small money pouch, savings from the last few years, and tucked it into the folds of his robes. He tied the rice sack to the pouch of belongings his sister had made him, before tying it all to his back.

He bowed down to his sister, in thanks.

When he stood up, he saw her bow to him, and give him a smile as she raised herself.

He gave her a smile as well, and struggled not to cry.

"I can't take the normal path out, because I'll be seen, I'll be in the forest," Lee called out to her, before ducking out of the house.

None of them said goodbye to each other, hoping that they'd be able to meet again, someday.