The Cycles of the Seasons

Shen was content enough with the statement and left him alone for the rest of the day.

But the next morning, he was back once more for another lesson. When asked why he was here, he flushed and said that he still needed to get his grades up for his family to be happy with him.

And he came back the next morning.

And the next.

And the next.

Even when his grades reached the required threshold, he came back, again, and again, and again.

Every single morning, before school, Shen would meet Lee at the clearing and they would study together before the first lesson started.

Eventually, they began to wander off into different topics.

Lee became the regular listener of whatever crazy hobbies Shen was pursuing with his time and money, in an almost eternal cycle of activities picked up because he thought they were interesting, and then dropping them because he thought that they were boring.

Lee learned about Shen's fishing ventures, because one of his uncles had mentioned about how he had caught a giant carp, as big as Shen's entire body, and how Shen had begged the uncle to take him out fishing in the river, only to come up with nothing, after sitting there for an entire afternoon.

It was nice listening to his voice. It was smooth, and interspaced with giggles. He had heard that voice deepen and change into what it was today.

It was that voice which he first fell for.

That voice could make anything sound interesting.

Lee could simply lie down and listen to Shen talk about his breakfast, his lesson, his family, and the weather.

And at some point, when lying down in the morning sun, a gentle wind brushing through his hair, Lee began looking at Shen's face.

He noted the smoothness of his skin, and how it was pulled over his cheekbones and around his jaw. He had a small beauty mark, at the side of his face, right next to his right ear. His eyes shone a kind, gold hazel, and his eyelashes were long and thick. His eye brows were sharp, and he had no blemishes on his pale skin, free mostly from sunlight by Shen not really spending that much time outside.

His hair was long, longer than Lee's by far, and mostly let loose, flowing down his back. It shone and was perfectly straight, as if ink being poured down from a pot. Shen had a habit of swishing his hair away from his back, and fanning his robes, whenever he was about to sit down, now.

Lee had spent a lot of time, when he was younger, stifling giggles when he watched Shen accidently sit on his hair, or trip over his robes. He almost didn't regret it, watching Shen act like a princess whenever he moved, even if he would deny it, whenever it was pointed out to him.

The only real downside was that, as Shen grew older and more handsome, the attention he received from his female classmates only increased as well. It stung at Lee, watching Shen flirt with them, one by one, breezing through relationships with seemingly every single girl in their class.

Logically, he knew that Shen hadn't formed connections with everybody. Lan Qing was just as studious as he, if not even more, she scorned Shen at every opportunity that he took to speak with her. She summarily shot him down, and went back to what she was doing, every single time.

It still hurt him though, a twinge of pain lancing through his chest, whenever Shen praised their classmates for being exceptionally pretty on a particular day, or an invitation to go to the market alone together for some special time.

The only thing that kept Lee going was the fact that Shen wasn't actually taking any of these flings seriously, and that he was too much of a coward to even award proper kisses, refusing to go further than a peck on the forehead, usually enough to put somebody under his spell.

Lee should know, considering that Shen had practiced all those kisses on him first.

At the time, he thought that it was because he was special to Shen, that Shen really liked him, but as he grew older, Lee finally realised that it was because Shen saw kissing him as having no real consequences, and if that little tidbit got out, then it would only endear Shen more to their female classmates.

The pain was what made Lee finally realise that the simple truth was that he was in love with Shen.

And that he had damned himself by it.

Shen firmly was seeking the attention of their female classmates, and only girls. He only had flings with them, and he only talked about them, when describing beauty.

Not men.

And not someone like Lee.

To Lee, girls never really sparked interest in him, and even looking at the boys around him, there was not much interest, but with Shen, but with the boy that he had spent so long with, the boy whose deepest secrets he held in the palms of his hands, on how he had broken his Grandparent's antique vase and that he secretly hated his older sister's prize scallop dishes, the boy that he had spent countless hours playing with and learning with, it was different.

With Shen, he wanted to do things like hold hands, kiss each other on the lips, watch beautiful sunsets together, and sleep in the same bed. With Shen, he wanted to buy things to express his love, produce calligraphy in his honour, write poems in the name of his beauty, and hold him close forever and ever.

But Lee was a boy, and none of that would really mean anything to Shen.

His feelings wouldn't be understood. His feelings would probably be shunned. So it was best for Lee to keep quiet and keep a blank face, like he had been doing for years, and let Shen think that he was some kind of emotionless wooden block who was ridiculously boring and ready to throw his life and potential away for the sake of his parents.

Lee never told Shen the truth about his family, and he never would.

The next apparent hobby that Shen had picked up on was basket weaving, after one of his neighbour's grandparents. His hands were too small and clumsy, but he was apparently charming enough to have the little, old lady coax him through the steps of what he needed to do, and eventually, with a lot of help, he had made himself a little basket to hold his pieces of candy, given by his mother and sister.

By the time that Lee had to leave school and work in the fields, Shen had been interested in embroidery, an unusual hobby for such a rich young master, and Lee had recommended his sister as a potential teacher for him.

Little Mei was good enough to become a master with her sewing skills, able to spin garments with her friends at school, all working at the village's textile house, ready to be sold through Shen's family's company to the other towns in the area and to pedlars who would take the work to the cities.

The two met up, and sparks immediately flew between them.

It was the first time that Lee had seen Little Mei blush. It was the first time that he had seen Shen blush.

Lee knew that she had never had a crush before. He had only ever seen her face heat up like that when she was thoroughly embarrassed, and that she was well used to playing with boys, considering she had spent an inordinately large part of her life up in the trees with them, screeching like hooligans and the like.

She had no reason to be embarrassed here, so she was crushing on Shen.

Fine. Lee knew that Shen was objectively beautiful but he was too old for her, three years older than her, and that she was responsible for her age. He could trust his sister to not do anything stupid, but Lee couldn't guarantee that on Shen's side though.

Lee had immediately objected the next morning, and told Shen that under no circumstances, was he allowed to form a relationship with his sister. Shen had tens of other girls to have flings with. He was not doing this to his sister.

At the time, Shen had agreed to Lee's terms. He told him, arms up and completely calm, that he would not romantically pursue his sister. He would only be there to learn how to embroider ducks for a blanket to give to his new niece and that Lee could ask his sister every single night to confirm it if need be.

And so he did, every single night before sleeping, Lee asked his sister about Shen's behaviour, and his progress on the ugly duckling blanket, and every night, Little Mei put Lee's fears at rest. He was able to sleep soundly, until one fateful winter day.

Lee stumbled upon Little Mei and Shen, sharing a log overlooking the river, and discussing their feelings towards each other.

Lee felt his heart shatter.