8

8. True conciliation

Next thing I heard was Harry's voice - so he was alive. Slowly I opened my eyes to see the three worried faces of my best friends. I tried to sit up but a hand forced me down, it was Madame Pomfrey.

"You need to lie down Jackson. You got pretty hurt down there." She said accusingly.

I couldn't say anything, just focus on the three faces at the side of my bed.

"How are you?" I asked to say something.

"We are fine Arya…compared to you." Hermione said.

"Look, I'm sorry for not telling you who I was. I couldn't because I thought I would be hated. I…" I said with fainting voice. I tried to turn my head but only got a strong pain as result.

"It's alright even if you should have told us. I mean we are your friends and we know you for one year now. You aren't the slightest evil. You couldn't even hurt a fly so…" said Harry with a slight smile.

"I know it's much to bear but… Thank you! You can't imagine how important you are for me." I told them truthfully. I smiled and shifted under the blanket. I felt not very good but alright. On my left arm I could feel a pressure and I discovered a bright white bandage.

"Harry, what happened down there?"

"Well, Quirrell vanished strangely and I got the stone. You however, you hit your head pretty hard on the floor when we fell on you and crushed your arm. There was a huge cut and a lot of blood everywhere." Harry said with a guilty expression.

"I'll come around. It's not your fault." I assured him smiling.

Suddenly the door to the hospital wing opened and in stepped Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and Severus. I gulped at his sight and turned my face not to look at him. I did not want him to look for my bruises.

"It is good to see you awake, Ms. Jackson. Your friends were quite worried." Said Dumbledore smiling.

"Professor Snape and I arrived in time to save you and Harry from your father." I looked embarrassed on the blanket. If because of the fact that he spoke openly about my father or that Severus came to my rescue, I didn't know. My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden hand on my arm. I jumped and looked up – Severus.

"I need to take off the bandage to look if your arm has healed." He said looking me in the eyes wearing his expressionless mask. Again I tried to copy it so that he could not see any emotion in my eyes. Surprisingly it seemed to work because he asked: "Do you feel alright Ms. Jackson? You don't seem like you would be."

"I'm fine. And I'm sure my arm is well." I answered taking my arm out of his gentle grip. A slight trace of anger and impatience could be seen in his action as he took my arm again and wanted to start taking off the bandage. "I told you Professor, I'm completely fine." This time I did not even look at him.

"If you wish to argue with me then I will have to disappoint you. You aren't healthy at all so you can only lose." The anger was obvious now. And with that he was taking my arm again and took the bandage off. I let him do it without looking at him. I could see Professor Dumbledore smiling slightly about our conversation so I watched the blankets again as I did not wanted to watch my friends. Severus inspected my arm. The only mark of the cut was the scab.

"You can call yourself lucky for having the healing of fairies." He said with a cold voice. "Nonetheless, you will have to wear the bandage for one or two days so that it can heal properly. Otherwise, you will have a scar." Gently he put a new bandage on my arm. "If you have headaches you should stay in bed. You hit the floor very hard." Now he was inspecting my head but I felt fine. "You can't get hurt with your bullhead anyway." He muttered in a bored voice. I decided to ignore the remark and just looked at him. We stared at each other with emotionless faces. Git! You may have saved me but it doesn't change anything in the slightest. I tried to express my anger and hate through my eyes but Severus did not show any change. With a last warning look he turned around, leaving the hospital wing. I could just stare at him. Did he saw my anger and left because of me? I wished he had.

"I believe we should give you some rest Aryanna." Said Professor Dumbledore smiling. "Come everyone, Poppy will take care of her."

With a last look on my friends the door closed and I was left alone. Not long and I was sleeping again.

When I woke up for the second time, I felt refreshed and healthy again. Madame Pomfrey came in smiling. "How do you feel now?"

"I feel completely healthy. Do you think I'm allowed to go?" I asked hoping for her to let me go.

"I don't know. Let me take a look at your head. Do you have any headaches?" She asked professionally.

"No, I am fine. And I'm hungry." I said as my stomach grumbled.

"You may go but don't overstrain yourself. And for the bandage you go and see Professor Snape today."

And with a last warning look she let me go down to breakfast. When I entered the Great Hall I didn't even need to search for Hermione, Harry or Ron because they ran to me. I could feel Draco's eyes on me and his wish to speak with me but I tried to ignore him. After breakfast we enjoyed the good weather outside. Later in the afternoon I couldn't longer defer going to him.

"Guys, I'm sorry but I need to meet Snape. Nobody except him is allowed to take off the bandage – the headmaster's command." I told them bumptious.

"Alright. Good luck! Try not to get detention this time." Warned me Hermione, I just mumbled.

I was walking down the stairs to the dungeons when somebody suddenly took my arm and dragged me into a room. I turned around and saw Draco with a worried expression.

"Do you know how worried I was?! I don't know what game you're playing with me but I still care about you. How do you feel? I heard you got injured pretty hard."

Wearing the emotionless mask again I stepped back. "I'm completely fine. I was just going… Doesn't matter. If you don't mind, I have to go." I tried to pass him but he blocked my way.

"I want you to tell me now why the hell you would ignore me?"

"And I want you to let me go. I'm not interested in anything you have to say. I don't care about you. Get out of my way. Now." It hurt to say such things but I needed to. With a last glare I passed him, bumping his shoulder.

I continued my way but now I was distracted. I couldn't stop here in the dungeons because I didn't know if Draco would pass on his way to the Slytherin common room. Focusing my mind on the way I tried to forget the encounter. Arriving at his classroom I knocked and entered. I didn't say a word but he seemed to know why I had come. In silence he took off the bandage and inspected the arm. There was nothing left of the cut.

"At least you listen if it is concerning your health." He said cleaning the bandage with a charm and coiling it up neatly.

"As if you would care about my health." I muttered under my breath but he heard it anyway.

"As a matter of fact I do because I am the only one who can help you." He stated coldly.

I became angry and faced him properly: "Now you are feeling special, are you? I can help myself better than you can."

He sighted and walked to his desk. "You are just an eleven-years-old girl. You have to develop your abilities. I'm an adult who knows more than you do. Now leave you ungrateful girl." He did not even bother to look at me when he sat down and continued his paperwork.

"Let me guess, I am bothering you again Professor." I didn't want to leave. I wanted to make him angry and I couldn't stop myself from doing so. The nasty Professor looked up and looked me in the eyes. "Yes, you are. If you want a detention stay another minute…" In the belief that I would leave he concentrated on his work again. I stood, shaking with anger, in the room. He really has the nerve to ignore me like that! I didn't even do it on purpose but I didn't really care about it either. Suddenly, the ink pot flew through the room and smashed on the wall, ink splattering everywhere on the wall and on the floor. Snape jumped up and looked at me with a really angry expression.

"JACKSON, you can prepare yourself for at least a week of detention." Saying it he came closer until he stood right in front of me. "Why you annoying girl do you have to get on my nerves like that?"

His expression was rigid but I didn't move an inch. "I hate you!" I spat with all the anger I could master.

"Your behavior is disrespectful. I do not care about your feelings Jackson. Not in the slightest. Never have I met such an insolent student like yourself. If I'm informed correctly you've said down there that you were not like your father. The other teacher may just see the Gryffindor in you. The Aryanna Jackson I am teaching is a Slytherin." He spat back with the same anger.

"How dare you, you damn git!" I wanted to control myself so I pressed my fingernails in my hands until I felt the pain. Threatening and in a low, controlled voice I said: "What the hell happened to you, bastard? When did you become that cold, nasty person? I feel sorry for that insufferable life you are living but don't take it out on others."

His expression changed to the emotionless mask and he straightened up. "You. Don't. Know. Anything. About. My. Life! And you know nothing about me! Now leave or I swear I will drag you out of this classroom."

"I don't care. Do whatever you want with me but I won't go by myself!" I didn't even know why I was being that stubborn. I felt hurt and all the anger I had hidden for all those years was emerging. My eyes were prickling – I would start crying.

"You really want to have detention until the end of the year and make Gryffindor lose all the points. Why do you keep on getting on my nerves like that?" He had gripped my arms firmly and looked at me with the angriest expression I had ever seen on his face. I finally started crying and lowered my gaze to the floor. "Look at me girl… I take you to the headmaster now. I've had enough of you." I looked him in the eyes and forced my arms out of his hurting grip. Suddenly he had his wand in his hands but not pointed in my direction. I knew the look with which he was staring at me. I had seen it in the past. "What do you want to do?" I asked gazing the wand and then back at his cold eyes. "Do you want to erase my mind? Make me forget?" I stared at him with tears streaming down my face. I was so angry; I could punch him right in the face.

"I won't go to the headmaster. You think I don't know anything about you. Well, you are wrong." I spoke clearly, full of hate and anger but in a low voice. "I knew once a Severus Snape. He was a kind, honorable man who would laugh a lot." Severus expression changed to disbelief and helplessness. "Yes, I remember everything. You pointed your wand at me being a nearly six-year-old child and wanted to erase my mind." My voice switched between anger and accusation. "I'd lived with you since my father killed my mother. Dumbledore asked you to take me and you did. I lived nearly five years with you. You were the father I never had and always wished to have. You promised to protect me, to never let me get hurt! You broke every single promise. You brought me back to Dumbledore when you didn't want me anymore and thought you could get rid of me by erasing my mind. It did not work." Whilst talking I had stepped closer to Severus who wore an expression of agony.

"I. Remember. Every. Damn. Day!" I didn't even try to control myself so I hit him on the chest with every word. I was crying so hard that I couldn't speak anymore. I broke down crying.

After some time I wanted to get up but I was too weak. My eyes were swollen and I couldn't see much through the tears. Severus was kneeling on the floor near me, rigid like a statue, and wearing an expression of being in great pain. I moved and his gaze fell on me. His emotionless mask had vanished completely. I didn't want to look at him but I couldn't prevent myself from not doing so.

"Arya…" I heard his low voice. I tried to stand up and leave but he was quicker and blocked my way. "Arya, you have to listen to me. I'm sorry! You need to-"

I hadn't any strength left in me. "Don't you dare telling me what I need Severus Tobias Snape! Just let me go."

"I can explain this. I want you to know what happened. Please! I beg you." He pleaded looking at me.

"I don't want to hear excuses. I want you to leave me alone. Go to hell Severus." He looked hurt but I didn't care - but I couldn't move either. I didn't feel anything anymore. I was numb.

"Aryanna, I beg you! Just listen to me. You can hate me, never talk to me ever again but please listen to what I need to tell you!" I didn't know what to do. I felt more vulnerable and lost than ever before. Not really paying attention to what I was doing I sat down on the nearest chair, gazing the table. I could hear the rustling of his robes and a chair being moved on the other side of the table in front of me. "Thank you!" It was barely audible. I could feel his stare but I refused to look up. He took a deep breath and started talking in a slightly pleading voice.

"I never meant to hurt you or to give you away. I wanted you to be safe. When Albus asked me to take care of you, I agreed because you were Leyanne's daughter. I loved your mother. I always will. The time with you made me love you and I saw you as my daughter. I liked having you around. I changed into the person I thought I could never be again after your mother died. I had promised her to protect you with my life but when I met you I considered you as my only family even if you weren't not of my flesh nor my blood. I wanted to be the father you should have had. I did it for Leyanne and for you. I had always wished that Leyanne would love me, that we would have you. And because of my love for your mother I forgot about Tom Riddle and considered you as my and Leyanne's daughter.

Four years after I took you Albus started to say that it was time for you to go somewhere else. I got letters which I answered always with requests to give you more time with me. You were five-years-old at this time. Luckily, he agreed and you lived longer with me. But then he came to me one evening. He said that he knew where to take you so that you would be safe. Refusing to tell me where that place would be he ordered me to come to the old house on the beach again where I picked you up. I did not want to do it but I had to. If it was for me I would have taken you back to my place but you were the first person I really felt love for since your mother died so I did what was best for you. I didn't know that he took you to the Malfoy's. Albus would not tell me until he sent you to the orphanage where every security possible was arranged. Countless protection charms are on the ground of the orphanage to protect you from your father. I was not happy to hear that he moved you away again. I wanted you to be in one place where you could live in. I don't know how your time with the Malfoy's has been but in that case I'm happy he did. I only wished that you wouldn't have to go to the Malfoy's in the first place.

Honestly Arya, I only wanted to protect you. I don't know until today why Albus wanted me to erase your mind. He always tells me that it was necessary… Whatever his reasons were, I always thought of it being a big mistake. I'm truly sorry! When you came to Hogwarts I hoped to find you in a happy state but on the contrary you seemed rather withdrawn and not at all the open girl I had in mind. That scared me to hell -even more when I had the first lesson with you! Your anger, hate and disinterest were shocking and I hated to have to give you all these detentions. I barely saw you laughing all the time. I knew… I know something isn't right at all so I asked Albus to let me talk to you but he wouldn't allow me. For the case that I would do, I would have to pack my things and quit Hogwarts. So I bore seeing you like that and getting hurt because of Quirrell and the Potter boy who implicated you in all the trouble-"

"It wasn't Harry's fault. The first time we needed to help Hermione and the second time it was my father…" I interrupted him quietly still not looking at him. I started to feel my body again now. My mind was processing all the new information. He really did care about me? He still does?

As if he read my mind Severus searched my gaze. "I always cared for you otherwise I wouldn't even be here at Hogwarts." That surprised me and I lifted my gaze. His face was warm and he was smiling slightly. He was the old Severus again; the one I had lived with for five years.

"What do you mean?" I asked astonished.

"The day you were gone Albus visited me in the evening." Severus face became darker as if he remembered a bad time. "He found me with several empty bottles of Whisky knocked out on my couch. The morning after that I woke up with a great headache and Albus sitting in the armchair. I must admit that I didn't behave at all. I screamed at him, insulted him and cursed him. I got angrier because he didn't even react. Instead, he offered me the post as Potions Master. Said it would occupy myself and make me use my talent. I decided to accept it especially since I could be here at Hogwarts when you would arrive." He inspected my face as if to analyze my reaction. I was amazed! My corner of the mouth formed a slight smile and I think my eyes showed my true happiness because Severus smiled genuinely. Then, he became serious again.

"Look Arya, I meant what I said before. If you are still angry it is alright - even if I wished it to be different – you have every right to be. I won't press you to do anything. I'm here if you are ready to forgive me or if you need help." Severus stood up and knelt beside me. "Whatever you think of me now, it won't keep me from protecting you. I hope you do understand."

I didn't know what to say. I was sure if I had had any tears left I would have cried again, I was so happy. Everything made sense now. Not knowing what to say I stood up what made Severus stand up as well, looking at me with a hopeful expression. Suddenly, I couldn't hold back any longer. I took a step towards Severus and hugged him as firmly possible, burying my face in his black cloak. Gratefully, he embraced me making me feel safe and happy. I had grown since when I had been a six-year-old but I still didn't reach his chest what made me only feel safer and warmer. He led me to his desk, sat down in the chair and took me to sit on his lap. Laying down my head on his chest again I felt like in the past. Slowly, the regular breath lulled me to sleep. When my eyes closed Severus let go of me. "Arya you need to go. It's already nearly time for dinner and you need to eat before you go to sleep especially if you still have to recover from your injuries." He said with a gentle warning look. I sighted and stood up. Turning around I embraced him again. "You know… I never hated you. I know I said so many times but I never truly did… I tried but I couldn't. Everytime I tried there was the picture of you being nice and careful." I told him looking him in the eyes.

"I'm happy to hear that. Well, you are not annoying or stupid like I kept saying – maybe sometimes insolent but in a lovely way. You will always be my little girl." Severus assured smiling. I laughed and turned around to leave. At the door I stopped to ask him a question. "If I'm going to the Great Hall now for dinner would you come with me? Please!" When I turned around towards him I got startled by Severus already standing right in front of me. "Of course. I have to make sure you are going to eat, haven't I?" He laughed along with me but quickly became serious again. "Follow me Ms. Jackson or I will drag you to the Great Hall." He said being the normal stoic teacher even if I could see the warmth in his eyes. He opened the door and let me pass first; I grinned. I couldn't get the grin and happiness out of my face so whilst we entered the great hall along with some other students Severus said: "Stop your foolish grinning or people will imagine that you are getting along with me."

Without a gaze at me he passed sneering at all the students in his way. I still wore my grin and when I found Hermione, Harry and Ron I couldn't prevent myself from running passed Severus and to them what earned me one of his famous glares which I identified now as fake. I told them about my healed arm and some little cover story that would explain why I was in the dungeons that long. That night I slept better than I had for many years. I had gotten Severus back.