Chapter 20 {Y/N}

Something goes terribly wrong.

It started as an ordinary drowsiness. After Matako left me to myself I was able to retrieve my peace in reminiscing all the things that had happened during the month. My pillow had been soaked in my tears before I slept. And it was still wet when I shook awake few hours later in a spasm of convulsion.

I struggle for another breath. The wound on my chest only makes the process even harder. It's like my insides are being skewered. My heart is squeezed by an invisible grip, then loosens for some beats before it repeats the same course. Sweat coats my whole body despite the chill of the night. My limps are cold no matter how I attempt to warm them beneath the blanket.

In the darkness, dim silvery moonlight pour into the room and on the mess that was once my bed. The sheets have been drained in shadow and a sickening scent of iron worsens the spin of my head. Nausea churns in my stomach. Then suddenly my chest bursts into a fit of excruciating pain. I shut my mouth against the surge in my throat. Blood trickles from the corners of my lips to my hands, dripping down onto the clean white mattress.

I was prepared for this. I have to be. Nobody could just leave a criminal organization simply when they see fit.

Commander's orders.

Emotion as thick as blood chokes my breath. I tremble alone in the dark, hot tears mix with my own blood. It's not that I'm resenting him, nor am I resenting anyone. In fact if it was really from him, I would be glad to lay my life down just to prove that my intention never has been to stand in his way. But the tea tasted too bitter. And Matako's sudden appearance was too coincidental.

Everyone, especially her, would rather defy their commander's order than to even trust a word I say, much less expects me to leave this place unmarked. The only clear thing I can be sure of is that, Bansai sounded sincere when he offered me a way out. This act must have been done without much notice.

It's a strange feeling to have the most prominent people of the ship to show me kindness while the lower ones are intent on getting rid off a threat that their leaders do not deem to exist.

I slam my eyes shut when the world seems to rotate incoherently. My head throbs and everywhere of my body hurts. When certain that the spin of my vision won't cease by the minute, I attempt to get up.

It's only a matter of time soon before my promised time to meet with Bansai. I will myself to stand, straining to find every ounce of my strength. If I'm to fade I would rather fade as an evidence of my own cause here. I would rather die, according to a wish that serves him. But rotting away in the dark and dying to the name of a traitor, I will never accept it.

I stumble over the futon. Not even my laborious breaths could be heard in the silence of the night. I reach for the door, a short distance away from my hand. But then something rushes up my throat. Before I can stop it blood gushes out from my mouth and spatters to the floor. My heart agonizingly slows. The spin of my head intensifies as I feel all strength abandons me. And I collapse to the ground.

~~~~~~~

When I open my eyes again it's to the sight of dark red. As my vision adjusts, I realize I'm lying where I fell last night. The small pools of my blood has seeped into my robe and the tatami mats, already dried. My body screams when I try to move. Something solid sticks to the edges of my mouth and comes away as also dried blood. A thought jolts through me.

Bansai.

I snap to the window. The sun is high on the horizon, shining partly on me. It's already late morning.

I defy the aches of my body and painfully get on my feet. My knees wobble from supporting my weight. I stagger to the door, keeping my light-headedness in check as I slide it open.

Maybe Bansai is still waiting. If he isn't then maybe I can tell him there is no need for any preparation after all. I'm already failing as I am.

The hallway is empty as I drag on with each step, one arm on the wall for support. Sweat beads my forehand and back. But the pain won't overtake another sensation that oozes from the silence of the corridor.

It's eerily too empty. Not even a wisp of conversation is heard from anywhere. I gradually near the stairs that lead up to the deck. All at once noises bloom above my head. Roars from men and the unmistakably clashes of swords, sounding slightly muffled all the way down here.

If I go up there now, it'll be catalyzing my own doom. I might even get killed by Shinsuke's men thinking I'm the one who led whoever is attacking them now to this hideout. That I know. Yet I can't stop my body from moving, my legs from agonizingly forcing myself up the steps. The uproar sounds clearer. My priority shatters when I reach the top.

A distance away all the way to the forecastle the crews are clashing against an army in black and white uniforms. The offensive forces have their faces shrouded beneath sedge hats. The clangs of their ringed staffs echo throughout the sea. One of them lies dangerously near where I'm standing, motionless. I notice a certain tattoo of a crow at his exposed neck. It's the same tattoo I saw on the men that had attacked the basement on that day. Shinsuke had called them The Crows.

I throw my gaze over the raging battle, desperately in search. The pain of my weak self is the only thing that keeps me from marching in there when I see a familiar figure fighting with dozens of the troop at the side of the ship.

Shinsuke moves swiftly, his sword flies in deadly arcs and servers several heads at once. I steel myself against the horror, fighting back another wave of nausea. His subordinates are scattered throughout the deck. Gunshots explode above the riot.

My eyes shift back to Shinsuke. He doesn't seem to have any problem dealing with the advancing troops. Countless bodies stretch out at his feet. But all are dead. One of the corpses moves and reaches a fallen blade nearby. He turns to Shinsuke, who has his back to him fending off more opponents.

My body reacts on its own. I storm into the battle.

Fights thunder all around, a sword flashing too near me. But all falls into oblivion. My focus is ahead. My gaze glues to the dying man on the ground, who's now griping the blade. Sense deserts me when he abruptly shoots up. I thrust my way between him and Shinsuke at the last moment as he swings his blade down.

Every motion on the ship pauses, like time has frozen. Only I and the attacker stay alive in this space-time continuum. I stare at him wide-eyed, not knowing what truly happened. His face is a mirror of mine, staring at his wrong target. But nothing seems right at the moment.

The first thing I hear is the voice of someone calling my name. And the second is when I hit the floor.

Then the universe unfreezes.

Everything rushes back. The noises and the on-going fight. Blood pours from my shoulder to waist unto the deck like river into lake. I choke out more and lose my breath. The sight of the bright red makes me dizzy. My attacker crumbles down from a lethal wound nearby, but not yet dying.

I turn to the direction of my name. Bansai gets a short glance at me before some enemies lunge at him. Some of the crew members throw me unbelieving looks. A shadow towers over me. I look up.

Shinsuke stares down at my form, momentarily dazed. Then the sun shines on his murderous gaze flicking to the still-moving corpse. Without a word he storms over me and finishes him. Relief floods my stomach at the sight of him unscathed. But it's short-lived when the numbness of my new wound begins to burn.

I want to sit up, to move. Yet apparently I've used up all my remaining power. The immense lost of blood makes my head empty. The battle rages on, the rattle of the staffs becoming a haunted melody. Shinsuke is still in my view, lashing out at the enemies from approaching near our circle. I spot Matako at the corner of my eye, fighting near him as predicted. Even in this state I still lament my own inability.

Daylight becomes too intensive. The reek of death too strong. Just about when I almost succumb to the overwhelming pain someone's arms carefully come around my shoulders, lifting me up.

I snap to focus. "Bansai," I rasp in surprise. He tucks me in his arms before standing back up. There's a gash on his shoulder that looks bad, blood still trickling out.

"Hang in there," he says, and starts to force a way through the combat. His movements causes painful jerks. I bite my lips to withstand.

We cross the deck in a blurry whirl. I try my best to cling to him until we're back in the ship. The shade is a slight comfort. Bansai leaps down the stairs surprisingly lightly.

"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting," I whisper to his shoulder. Extreme fatigue weights my voice.

He turns a corner. "Never mind that," he says. "Just hang in there. We're almost there."

I find myself smiling a bit. "Thank you for helping me," I utter, taken by a profound drowsiness. "I'm really glad...that I could at least do something for him. Now I won't die as a traitor."

"What are you saying?" he exclaims. "Y/N! Oi!" But his voice is getting further and further away.

Pain drags me lower beneath my senses. My view darkens, and my eyelids are too heavy to hold.

I let them fall.