To My Dad:

You were always there but not.

You said it yourself; you failed as a father at many times.

You were supposed to be my anchor, the one to put weight on me, keep me grounded in reality. But I didn't get that.

Not to say you didn't try. Being a single dad is hard after all.

I still remember the days you would take me on motorcycle rides, when we would go out to malls with your girlfriends, when we would go to somewhere I liked.

You never had the luxury to buy me much because there wasn't much you could give. But you gave me something more; life lessons.

You taught me how to stand no matter the pain. You taught me not to take revenge, not to lay harm upon others.

Well, that's about it. To be honest though, you weren't that great of an example; You had less time with me than you had with your girls. You had less attention for me than your friends. You would fight with your parents.

I get that you were young when you had me. On top of that, you were broken, hurt, finding happiness somewhere else because of the annulment. But I was still your child.

I needed you, and you were there but weren't.

You were more of a friend rather than a parent; a brother more than a father.

I grew to understand things mostly through just my eyes, getting but little support from my parents.

I guess this is also the reason behind why I always seek validation because I never got it from anyone of you. Or why I always look for love outside of the family, because I didn't feel it much.

I guess it would've been different growing with a family that's whole, with people actually guiding me.

Now, I've grown up, smilling like a goof but tough inside like you. A mirror image, but with a sturdier frame from both what you and mom taught me. A guy who, despite the insult and ridicule, can laugh everything off. A man who can stand by his decisions in life, carrying the burden of every choice and dealing with them.

No longer seeking for anyones validation or attention, not like the child who needed it before.

I'm not trying to say you weren't a great dad, dad. You were.

I'm just saying life would've been better if you were always there.

But you weren't.