aerisnightshade

Within this novel is my life written in letters and poems, written through the toughest, darkest times.

Some holds the stories of past relationships, how I fucked up and caused the inevitable end of it.

Some may hold happier memories, past or current events that made me happy.

Others are disturbing and dark, whilst some lighthearted and heart warming.

Here we go. 

These are the Letters of Myls Valentine


(I have three pen names, Myls Valentine, Crey Valentine, and AerisNightShade.

Just sharing :3

Hope y'all like it)

Letters Of Myls Valentine

What are you doing here? Why do you exist? Is it because you were just born into this world? Where do you fall in the grand scheme things?


Everyone says that you're a part of a bigger picture, that God has something special for you, to see what the world holds for you. All my life I've been trying to see what these are, waiting for so miracle to happen, a message from the universe as to why I'm here. But nothing.


People say God is the answer, that he is the key. Other's say you hold it yourself. Happiness is a state of mind that only someone can achieve on their own.


But what is it that makes one happy? Is it money? Love? Friendship? Religion? Art? Music?


I've gone through each and everyone them and nothing has made me see what it is inside of me that I cannot fathom. What it is that makes me see the darker side of life instead of the lighter one.


I feel as if I'm just another person walking in the street in the ocean of people. Just another waste, insignificant, useless, broken, depressed, uninspired to live.


I'm a writer, able to write with only the limits of my imagination. Yet I cannot find the push to continue whatever story lies in my head.


I have been religious since birth yet I cannot seem to see what God is. I feel no presence guiding me to life. All I see are people worshiping him yet living their lives away from the words of God.


So many people who claims to love me, accept me for what I am, who I am. Yet all I can feel is a sense of emptiness inside my heart. I feel as if I am standing inside a crowd yet Non-existent to everyone around me; A ghost longing for a hug, a child waiting for a parent's assurance, partner waiting to be recognized by the love I give. A stranger who just wants to be appreciated.


I grew up with a lot of things, a lot of people. I should consider myself lucky than most but I somehow do not.


I'd rather be poor but happy and content. I'd rather know who I am and what I really am.


I'd rather have peace than to be at constant war with yourself, ever asking the question of why.


Why do you exist? Why do you feel like this? Why do I always have to feel the pain of existence??


Pain of Existence