Appalling Censorship

Muqeet's POV

Deciding that I'll have to resort to making pancakes to soothe the burning hunger in my stomach, I reached towards the flour looking behind at Altamash as I poured it into a bowl "Well what can I say, I'm just built different. I bet I'm a lot fitter than you are even with all that grass and dead plants you eat."

He shrugged as he walked towards me not deigning to reply to what I just said, smug arse. If we were to brawl I was sure I was considerably better at him but he could outrun me anytime which I disliked but hey you couldn't be perfect everything all the time.

I'd long conceded to the fact that doing that was impossible, even for someone as amazing as me.

 "Want me to help you?" he asked as he brought down some sugar and measuring cups from the cabinets. Putting on a bright purple apron that had the words 'lemonbaby' written in bright neon green ink, he turned towards me.

I swear the man had the worst taste while choosing colours, the clashing shades were awful enough to blind. I was surprised he managed to wear the serious dark and monotonous colours at work and managed to not make a complete fool out of himself.

"Go ahead, I'm doing this to fill your ungrateful stomach as well. Might as well lend me a hand." I smiled at him leaning against the counter, as he brought a couple eggs and a bottle of milk from his clinical fridge.

I watched him silently mix the flour with sugar and eggs, handing me a spoon in silent command to mix the batter. 

"I plan to burn your awful coloured clothes one day when you're not looking."

A smirk formed on his face at my words "you don't discuss plans of sabotage and destruction with the victim Yeet, it tends to make them vigilant."

I rolled my eyes "that's why I said 'when you ain't looking' dumbass, the point is to strike when you're least expecting it."

"It's very optimistic of you to believe that I'm gonna let my guard down around you. My wardrobe is gonna have a double graded security system installed complete with an iris scanner that would shoot pepper spray into the eyes of all intruders."

"That's way too much money wasted on clothes that are eligible to be used as a cleaning cloth at best."

My comment earned me an empty bottle of water thrown at my head, which I dodged grinning at the idiot who was now adding a splash of vanilla to the sticky mixture in the bowl.

We continued to work in silence when a thought crossed my mind "You know Mash you're not the only one who's had an absolute horse crap day yesterday."

Looking up from his search for a pan to make the pancakes, he silently asked me what had happened, concern clear in his eyes. It weirdly made me feel a little better, as if his presence -albeit being  an annoying one-  was helping me shoulder my dark thoughts better.

"When did you begin censoring your swear words Muqeet? Who calls their day 'horse crap' of all things?"

I pursed my lips as I busied myself with the task of searching for something unhealthy in his pantry, not deigning to answer his question. I seriously needed to reduce the time I spent in the company of my sister, she was corrupting my vocabulary with cringeworthy replacements for perfectly decent sounding cuss words.

"Damn dude, stop sulking and tell me what's wrong." He pleaded, not turning toward me, a small smile playing at his lips. 

Purposely ignoring his words, I increased the urgency of my search.

"Alright Yeet, just this once, I'll apologise for judging the prissy words you used." I felt a smile tug at my lips but I refused to look at him "you can censor yourself as much as you want to, I assure you this is a safe  space for you and nobody will judge you if you wish to change your potty mouth ways."

Sighing loudly I turned myself towards him, his expectant face urged me to continue but for some reason the memory of what had happened yesterday, the pain in Baba's eyes, the anger and reproach in Gauhar's eyes and the silent judgement in my uncle's comments made me feel as if there was something prickly  stuck in my throat which left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Seeing my hesitation he got up and placed a hand on my shoulder an awkwardly reassuring sort of smile forming on his lips "Well that makes me feel a lot better about myself now. I'm not the only fuckup here after all. Though of course I'm sure you're the bigger waste of space amongst the two of us."

Altamash was clearly struggling, it was funny how bad he was at handling sad people and at any other time, it might have been immensely hilarious to me but the darkness lingering from the day before seemed to dampen mood.

I shook my head to myself as I  nudged his side with my elbow "Shut up you jerk" looking up at the ceiling I let out a long affected sigh "why did I have to have someone as selfish as you as my only friend."

"Because you're just like me, if not worse."

"Fuck you" I childishly retorted,  pushing his shoulder.

He draped an arm around my shoulders, guiding us back towards the sofa and forcing me down on it "If you had a bad day as well, then maybe both of us are in the same boat."

He'd assumed the tone that he used when trying to placate the neighbour

"A sinking boat." I added sullenly as he sat down beside me.

He looked way too cheerful for someone who was receiving bad news from his friend as he patted my back "It's fine, we're both on a sinking boat but at least we'll sink together. Dying alone sucks don't you think?"

I rolled my eyes a smile forcing itself on my face at his words "Could you quit being so excited about the prospect of dying? It gives me the creep, as if you are some sort of strange serial killer."

I gave an exaggerated shudder, earning myself a snort from him "You know what you just said reminded me of someone, now that I think about it you guys are quite familiar."

He had narrowed his eyes, looking intently at my face making me feel as if he had finally lost it.

"Who are you comparing me to weirdo?" I asked in irritation my voice sounding defensive even to my own ears. He gave me a mysterious smile, his eyes shining brighter than usual as he thought of whatever person it was that I reminded him of.

I shook my head, giving up on trying to get any information out of him. He was strange today, fluctuating between moods so violently that it made me suspect that he was bipolar but I completely understood how he felt.

It was funny how similar we were, and how both of us were not shy to be vulnerable in front of each other even if sometimes talking about it hurt and it was difficult to articulate properly what we felt.

Just like how right now the glimmer in his eyes faded as if a cloud of darkness had enveloped it, I could see the smile on his face falter. "Well if you're not gonna tell me anything I might as well open up to you."

He ran a hand through his mop of dark hair turning towards me "Wanna know why I called you here?" he asked.

I nodded, waiting patiently for him to gather his thoughts.

He let out a long shuddering breath "I called you here today because." He looked down into his lap "Ah it sounds pathetic but I guess I'll just blurt it out."

I placed a hand on his thing giving him a reassuring squeeze "Well the thing is that, I didn't want to stay alone after the huge mess I made yesterday."

 "It's alright bro, things happen." I tried to reassure him.

He nodded at me, swallowing before he continued "The silence" His eyes looked hallow and dark as if something horrifying troubled him "I- it ah, it kills me you know."

"Yeah I know Altamash."

He put his head in his hands, I patted his back urging him to continue and let it all out. Feel a deep pain swirl inside myself watching him struggle this way.

His voice sounded  panicked as he continued "I tried so hard to distract myself, trust me I really did try but it didn't work, nothing does."

I looked at the books strewn across the table in front of me, knowing full well how desperately he must have been trying to drown out the demons of his life within the fiction in those books. In those fairy-tale like happy endings.