Day 1 Racism

Dear diary,

It's been long since I m here, so today I got into the fight with my mommy again. Yeah not a new thing I was teen and I don't have anyone else to fight with so I have to fight with her. If that's what you all we're thinking than its a big...No....!!!

I m blessed with 2 siblings younger and elder brothers.

I m the only a daughter who was little self-concerned about my skin complexion. Again I m not white but not black as well,it's called chocolaty colour here since I m a girl so, nobody dares to say it loud on my face, but deep inside I know that very well what they were thinking and about to say when we first meet.

I m not complaining here because my color complexion it's the thing which I can't do anything about. I was already born to know so #nochoice. "✌️"

But again why only me, since my both brothers are fair enough so when our big families come together it's was like why don't you apply these cosmetics, it's a good brand it will help you for your better looks.

It's not like they don't compliment me or something "Look at your eyebrows such a nice pair,I don't think you even need plucking or something its naturally beautiful, oh my God your height was just to perfect, your personality is like awesome girl, your just too perfect. If and only if we're fairer then God knows what you have to be done. "

"Yeah thanks mausi let it be.. I can't do anything....!!!. "this is the most common compliment I got but they always ended up on my skin color.

And again I m someone who never takes them seriously, I know I m beautiful in myself but the thing which makes me nervous and thinks about this thing when someone you loved or care the most said that kind of bullshit to you on your face.

Here I m talking about I m brother, yeh my lil one he was only a year younger than me but when we got into fights he always uses the words which offend me the most.

Not to mention that since it hurts even if I m writing them. Coz its comes from the one you loved the most. It's a bitter truth which I can't change you know.

It's hurts the most dear diary, I just can't cry in front of them, I show them that this kind of things won't hurt me, but deep down inside when everyone fall asleep, I use to cry a lot, scream a lot inside my throat, holding my breathes just to make it not audible, I cry a lot diary and only witnessed of my crying is my little old teddy bear which I got on my 15 bday but now I m 19 though.

So teddy is with me in all those alone and cold nights where I want to hold someone, to hug someone , he was always there with me.

I m glad at least I have someone with me. Just only regret is that he just can't talk to me he just use to listen to me all the way. He never talks back.

In the generation like this, when people say everyone is equal in front law , but when it come to complexion then my girl 'welcome to the world full of racism ' I m from India and I do know one thing that in our county girl needed be fair.

No matter what color boy does have but for girls, those we're having a fair skin will get the opportunity first.

My mother sometimes was like whatever color you do have, but I needed to have a fair and tall groom for you no matter what. And if your looking for someone make sure this qualities before dating them.

Since my own family is like this, then tell me whom to blame huh???

.................{ I have to accept the consequences and I m use to it. Don't know how far it will go.

But I don't want someone or anyone to deal with this shit, which based on complexion, So here is the thing I do to cheer up myself #selfobessed is my insta bio and here I m all self-obsessed, I don't care what people think about me or say behind my back.

This is something I can't change so I have to adapt it and present it in a beautiful way then it was before that's it.}...

This is something I writing to cheer up myself but I do know how it actual hurts.