Calliope **** Chapter Twenty-Two

I wanted my mama...no I needed my Mama. I was in ICU for 3 weeks and 5 days, afterward I went through extensive physical therapy. Luckily the bullet missed my femur, and they were able to remove it. The doctors couldn't believe the one that went through my shoulder hadn't become impacted, it exited but damaged my ligaments so I had limited range of motion. I laid in that bed and cried day in, day out. After a couple weeks I finally saw her, everytime I would stand up I would seize, and my leg was bandaged. I had to undergo a series of cat scans, MRIs, EEgs...etc, as well as a ton of blood tests. I just knew any day they would inform me...

She was so small, but active. Seeing the tube in her mouth and the oxygen hose broke me down completely. I sobbed, I was so hurt. She didn't deserve to be laying in an incubator. They had kept me so sedated the first week, all I could do was wish for her, I couldn't have even reacted to seeing her for the first time. They had deprived me of that, and I wondered when Twan would finally discuss what happened. When he would leave we would text but he didn't mention it and when I would he would change the subject. "I don't wanna scare u," he said. I really didn't even know what happened or why it went down to begin with. Twan had secrets but didn't we all. My only objection was we started out being so one hundred before we started fucking around but now that we were a couple, officially, I felt like he was being more secretive. Had it been to protect me? Also, what was so special about me? I saw how bitches looked at him. He gave me so much love if he had any to give another hoe then he was a good one. I had laid up in a hospital after childbirth, I was willing to bet he had fucked somebody.

My mouth was so dry as I cried, it was ashy and my spit was thick and nauseating. I reached for her hand as she laid still. When I rubbed her pinky she opened her eyes and hand, grabbed my index finger and held it. I began to talk through my tears and I'm certain she understood. Pam rubbed my back and said she looks like Shan and Netta...I could have vomited. Perhaps, tho. My baby...she made it, she had been to hell and back all because of me and the look of amusement on her face said "free at last." Christy had told me some shit about the twins and I knew I had to recover soon. I had to focus on my own though, that had to be why God sat me down. Her and Twan would console me and feed me and try to sneak me out to smoke...

She held my finger until I felt her hand relax, I panicked...but she had only been sleep. My heart pounded in my throat, had I thought she died? "She's a daddy's baby," Pam said.

Wrong bitch...

When I could finally argue he said, her name is Calliope...

I cursed him the fuck out, I hadn't said her name was Calliope, but what the fuck was her name?

He said she sounded like music when he first her cry, so I gave in... we named her Calliope Ryella Carter, some shit that likely took him 26 blunts to put together.

It was just something about that motherly love, and I wished I could reconcile differences with my own. I had grown over the past five years and my thought process had changed a lot, u only get one Mama. Considering that I vowed to be the best mother to my daughter I could. When I was released I went back to Tobias' new home with Twan. I had to leave my baby, and that was the most crushing feeling. I would go back and forth day and night and as if she knew when I would come she would be awake and alert every time and would grin around her feeding tube. One day they surprised me, they had removed it. She looked like TWAN! I couldn't see any of my family's features, I guess he really, really wanted her.

I walked with a limp for a bit, then on a crutch, only because of the pain but continued physical therapy.

I just wanted to wash off the hospital scent and get in a real bed. I had been through hell. He was so hospitable and generous, but I started to feel something was wrong. What the fuck had he done. I needed to know what had went down and why, and I needed him to start from the beginning or I was leaving.

"Are u ready to talk about what happened?" I asked.

"Not now, it's not a good time, Carlita's home."

WHAT THE FUCK! THE BITCH WASN'T HOME WHEN THEM NIGGAS TRIED TO KILL ME!

"Ok...but u can't keep avoiding the topic," I said before going to the bathroom to turn on the shower. There were boxes stacked high in the corner, I knew he hadn't been staying there. He'd stayed at the hospital but some nights he would leave. My emotions were the last thing he wanted to play with, I respected his loyalty too much. I saw all of the baby furniture and the piles of onesies, and stacks of diapers...and a pink elephant with a half opened card hanging on the ribbon. The handwriting looked familiar, almost like my mama's. I directed my thoughts elsewhere and told him I appreciated everything. But something wasn't right, his vibe was different.

"I got a dentist appointment," I said.

"Ok, what time, get ready," he said.

"No, Christy will take me..."

"U been away from me all this time..."

"I'll reschedule," I said.

"Why?"

I had only wanted to see his reaction, he sounded disappointed. Maybe I was trippin, I was highly medicated. I wondered if I even loved him, I was so numb, my feelings were gone. I had to suppress them, if not I would see the bodies and the burning faces and Terror grabbing Redd's dick. Yea I had moved on, but hadn't addressed the issue, it was a plague. Redd had been calling Christy's phone I needed the number. I knew if I didn't deal with him and Daddy the voices would never go away. They constantly echoed through my thoughts and each traumatic event persuaded them. I needed to kill and I wondered if and when I killed them, would I still feel the urge. They had labeled me as a killer, perhaps I am what they say I am. I planned my get away, I would return one day. He would keep Ryella.

We went to Red Lobster the day after l was discharged and he wanted to talk about it. Of course he had come home and killed two, the one I set on fire survived he was on the 7th floor in the same hospital I had been admitted in, in police custody for home invasion, attempted murder, etc., he named a few more charges. What he said next made me know it was time to leave, he was really still piecing everything together but had managed to make sense. Poncho, Mojo, and KC had been hitmen, for his plug. He had met him at the Valero when I went to sleep after we left the car wash, that was how they saw the chain. Twan was adamant that the nigga were alone but it sounded like they followed him, and came back. I knew I hadn't been the target...

"No women, no children."

In the middle of dinner, his phone rang..." Hello...Oh, here she is" he said before passing me the phone. It was Mama, he had found her and she had come once to the hospital. I wouldn't have remembered if I had seen her or not. She left to go back for revival...at her own church, she was a Pastor now.

"Hello?"

"Hazel, my problem child," she said. I cried just to hear her voice.

She prepared to come and visit again. "Did u hear about Josh?"

"No," I answered. They often thought he and Redd were brothers.

"A few months ago he was killed getting in the car. They don't even think he was the target. He didn't bother nobody, first Boogie, then Josh. Kerri done lost her mind."

I summed it all up. I could feel the blood drain from my face, we were close. He had died because of me.

Josh was Kerri's husband.