Trenton****Chapter Thirty

Christy and Lamont's home was in a cul de sac in a neighborhood that had been under development for the past 10 years. I had left the home running with his phone in a pair of Christy's slippers 2 sizes too big. I needed meds, I felt like ending it all and knew I was not competent to be alone at that moment. What had I done. I hadn't talked to Twan in three days and I was tired of me, so I knew he was. I just wanted to hold Ryella, she could make me feel like living, I wasn't too sure he could. I was under so much pressure. Lamont choked me repeatedly, I could not overpower him and felt sorry for Christy, I'd witnessed the abuse she'd sustained. I'd been tied up to the same guest bed I slept in, but managed to free my left arm. I hadn't recovered from being shot in the shoulder, my wrist was broken and I'd just stopped going to physical therapy. I'd been working toward getting my range of motion back. The voices became louder, and as I ran from the dead end street I bawled, I just wanted to be normal. I had never been given a chance, how had I been so deserving of all the mishaps that had been presented to me? I'd shot Lamont with his own gun, he got drunk and raped me, but this time fell asleep. I can't ever remember being that afraid to move. I was so hungry and thirsty, I shot him and all I could think about was feeding my unborn babies. He would have slowly let me die. Something in him had snapped, he would cry occasionally, he grieved for Christy and had not shot her, I was sure of it. I just remember being so hungry. I'd constantly vomited, it was all in the bed I was tied to and he hadn't cared. He had made me suck his unclean dick repeatedly. I had hit rock bottom, I wanted to lay down and die, but that defeated the purpose of fighting to live. I'd asked for water several times and he only poured gin in my mouth. Soon the voices told me what I needed to do if I wanted to live, but told me to die afterward.

I ran without a destination, I called Twan from Lamonts phone he didn't answer. I needed someone, anyone to come and rescue me. I prayed to the Lord, he had to send me an angel. I was afraid for the twins. I was so weak, every injury I had sustained ached. Where was Redd? ANYBODY! I needed Kerri's number, I checked for her on social sites without any luck, I even called Mama, and wondered how far I was from my Daddy. I spotted McDonald's arches high up, I walked toward them even though they appeared to be a couple miles away, I had to make it but I felt my life slipping away. I cried and found myself being angry with God. I went down the list and demanded an answer for why my innocence had been just snatched away. I had nothing, Lamont apparently had taken Christy's car. Everything I had was gone, I had no money, no phone of my own he took it, I was so scared to stay and look for it. He mentioned a lot of shit he found out by reading recent texts, it was code to delete but she had forgotten a few. I wondered about what may have been in my own phone. It really didn't matter anymore because he was a dead man and I was glad. Right as I shot him, his mother texted and said he was late for Thursday night bingo---again the day before.

It came to a point where I could not take another step.

I looked at my reflection on the dark phone screen and panicked when I saw his blood on the shirt I'd worn and spattered against my face. Had it also been on my hands? He laid slumped against the wall still, and had had a bowel movement upon his departure. As he held the bullet wound the blood squirted between his fingers, he had been hit directly in the heart. I closed my eyes and saw it replay over and over, naked from waist down, his dick hard. He would have done it again, and again until I died. I limped and prayed for strength. Ryella's cry consumed my ears, who had her? Why could I hear her so clearly. I just wanted my baby, I couldn't live without her. I prayed to be normal, why hadn't God wanted me to be at peace?! I could hear sirens approaching, they became deafening. They were coming for me, I'd been identified. Someone had saw me! I would be in prison for a long time, my life would just pick where it left off. I had only had a vacation from Seg 6, I would soon return. Ryella was the child Twan deserved, he wanted her so bad as well as tried to impregnate me again, this time with twins. I would return to jail with two babies this time instead of one. I stopped and waited for the police to appear behind the ambulance, I'd surrendered. Finally, they were coming, fast. Why was the car going so fast? It would pass my by! I knew I was caught red handed, his blood was all over me. They kept going and would apprehend the suspect later I guess, another chance Hazel, but the voice said they knew.

I saw a Roadrunner sign now, it had not been in sight before I got closer. I needed to make it to the bathroom and wash away the blood. My dirty urine stained legs attracted dirt and flies as I tread the pavement, barely. I saw a female from a distance getting into a car at the beauty shop beside the Road Runner. "HELP ME! PLEASE!" I yelled as loud as I could, she just sat down and ignored me without looking my direction. Bitch! "HEEEEY! IM PREGNANT! HELP ME!"

I was dizzy and knew what that meant, I just didn't know if I would shake back or not. I was too traumatized. As I got closer, I recognized the chic in the Altima, it was Shameka.

Deaf bitch—-

Of all people, she would see me die, bloody. I gave up and collapsed right then. The noonday sun beamed against my face, the distorted rays appeared as spectrums through my wet eyelashes. No one noticed no one cared. The twins hadn't deserved a failure for a mother I concluded. I was epileptic, schizophrenic, clinically depressed, a victim of child molestation, rape and other sexual and mental abuse. Had I not even been entitled to normal? I remembered when Kerri protected me, she didn't disown me when the seizures would attack me at school. She would hold me and protect me. I would be so afraid and she would never leave me. She lied for Mama so much, but he fucked us all up, how could she possibly stayed sober. She had done everything to satisfy him sexually, he prefered them young though. The distant wail of the sirens soon faded out. I was far from innocent, fate would not allow me to live. I had harmed plenty. The seizure soon took over as the heat radiated from the pavement, I visibly saw the waves transmitting from it's hot surface. A car approached and I had decided nobody even cared enough to stop, but it did. I only heard someone say "Again? Oh God, I gotta get u to the hospital, u are bleeding---somewhere!"

What the man said quickly registered but I couldn't object, I just hoped the seizure soon subsided. Who was he? He picked me up and laid me in his car, hadn't I saw him before? I laid on the seat, my eyes hurt from rolling in my head and my babies were so hungry. "Im taking u to the hospital, right now!" He closed the door and got inside. I was alert, somewhat...and it hadn't seemed to be a grand mal as I expected even though I was having involuntary muscle contractions. It was only a partial seizure and I was hanging onto consciousness. His voice; I'd heard it before and knew it too well. Park Man? As weak as I was the seizure still had not effected my whole brain, and I needed to figure out how to tell him no hospital. Who was this persistent ass man? He appeared to be a few years older than I was. His recreational park employee badge said his name was Trenton Myers. I managed to sit up and motion for him to stop, my jaws quivered as I tried to speak, he speeded up. When we passed the McDonald's I saw from a distance I moved my arm at free will and felt for the phone in the waist of my panties under the boxers I had put on, it was not on me. I panicked "Go Back! My phone!" He looked concerned, "no phone, I didn't see it." FUCK! "Oh, u mean this phone?" He asked before saying he will give it back at the hospital. I reached for the phone on the passenger seat, he knocked it on the floor. Fucking idiot! We were headed toward the freeway, the hospital exit was only 2 miles away. "Please" I said, "They will hospitalize me, I have to get to my daughter."

"Hazel, u are bleeding... u need to check on the child u are carrying first. U also had another seizure, why aren't u on medication. I saw u have 3!"

"Fuck U! U can't make me go anywhere!" Had he said I was bleeding? I looked down, the boxers were bright red between the legs. I still could not go to the hospital. "Just take me to my hotel," I said.

"No u are going to the ER! Don't u fucking care! Where is your drug dealer boyfriend at, he can't save u this time, u need help! Let them help u!"

"Ok, I just wanna shower first."

I lied, I was yet having involuntary movement in my arms, I needed to be calm but my emotions got the best of me. I screamed from the back seat and cried for old and new! I knew I needed help, I missed Twan so much but when I left I tested his unconditional love. I could not build up courage to even look at him now, besides he hadn't answered when I called. How could he keep loving me.

"I'll tell u what, I'll let u shower at my house, I live alone. Then u have to get checked out and get your seizure meds." I was so tired and had known I couldn't get a room. After finding out Christy had cleaned all of Lamont's accounts, I knew why he looked for her and would not kill her, he wanted his money. I went to Trenton's home. He in fact lived alone and had been divorced two years. I asked him for a cigarette, he refused to give it to me, but handed me a pink plaid pajama set, almost my size. "She forgot this one huh" I said.

"No, I bought it the day u got released."