Shedded Tears **** Chapter Sixty-One

Mya and I had decided to go to the grocery store for smoothie ingredients, and I'd known Trent had to trust her. She was the babysitter as well as Nakia's niece. He had told her he would keep her in mind along with other applicants, somehow he preferred her services even though she was fairly unskilled. She turned out suitable for the job.

We walked inside and shopped a bit before returning home. I knew I was fighting a battle within and my baby fought back. Her father spoke of seeing her, his intentions seemed genuine but his distance obscured my judgement, I really didn't want the child. I loved him wholeheartedly and his desire for a daughter had initially made it easier for me to accept the pregnancy, but now he was gone.

As much as I tried to figure out the scenario, the more frightened I became. He would say I needed to stay calm, and was stern about it. How could I? My world had crumbled and I tried to make the best of my situation at Yvonne's. I would not smoke since my last pregnancy had been a scare. Also, I had begun to feel danger long before I was hospitalized, but I had trusted Trenton and my gut feeling told me he truly loved me. He'd better hope he did.

Trent had to be a dirty cop too, I knew in the back of my mind he was responsible for a murder, but the clues were scrambled, and he had never admitted to shit. Mya had mentioned Christy, I hadn't known what to make of it. He hadn't wanted to discuss any personal matters only bullshit! I needed to know about the future! He preferred discussing codebreakers, I had solved equations and pointed out similarities in number sequences, they had no relevance to me! I was so tired of playing his little game, I wanted my babies! No amount of money in the world could replace them! I deserved to be their mother not used as a fucking robot, I did NOT want to have to decode sequences to talk to my children! I would listen but could not reason. They would say they missed me, TJ2 would cry when he heard my voice, and it was killing me! He would call everyday at the same time, it was routine and I deserved better, I had been at Yvonne's a week and I knew it had better been worth it.

We stood in the produce section looking for fresh pineapple and my heightened senses somewhat recognized the scent that lingered, yea Polo Red is popular but somehow there was a natural fragrance that lingered which had been unique, I soon dissolved the notion that had occurred and had known I was with Mya and if it had been Troy then I could not even greet him. He could not have possibly been 40 miles away, we were not even in Keithville. The next aisle over I heard a woman's voice, she spoke to the man about peanut butter for the kids, and had even called him Makil. When Mya said we needed honey we headed for the next aisle where the voices came from but they were gone. We went to the back of the store to get milk and other items, Mya mentioned Trent calling soon and the fact that he corresponded with her more than his own wife was rubbing me the wrong way. We paid and exited the supermarket, loaded the SUV and got inside. As we pulled to the red light at the stores exit I noticed an orange Camaro, and thought of the coincidences, I had been thinking about Troy lately, I just wanted to know he was alright. I could not see inside the car so I detoured my sexual fantasy and focused back on how my life was pure hell. I was letting that man dictate my every move, but he would soon feel my pain. It was too much hurt, that could not be love. He had promised to see me the following week but I had other plans.

We returned to Mya's a short while later to find her house surrounded with undercover police. She panicked, knowing her mother was home, and I knew they had come for me. How had they even known I had been there? They were inside and I tried to convince Mya not to stop, she insisted on checking on her mother and threw the truck in park on the curb before her home and ran toward the masked men. I could see their figures and knew Brown was in the bunch. There were 11 agents in the doorway and front yard entering the home with artillery. I didn't know what to do but when Mya jumped out, I knew I could not sit there. I moved to the driver's seat and took off. My heart raced as backed up and turned onto the main highway. I didn't even know where I would go, I was so broke. I drove down the interstate until I saw a familiar exit while pushing send on the last number Trent had called from. Mya had jumped out so quickly she had left her phone but all of the numbers Trent had called from were out of order. There were only messages with instructions for me. I needed to talk to him! Soon! I felt Mya and her mother were in danger but I just hadn't seen myself going to prison that day. I had stolen a truck and knew I would likely be pregnant and going on a crime spree. If they came for me, I would make them famous. The only place I felt I could safely go was the orchard. I knew I had keys to the shed and could lay low inside. The phone service was poor and Trenton needed to call before I made it. I looked at the gas lever and figured I could make it to Ethel without running out, but nowhere else. I sped, the groceries were still inside and I would be a pineapple and apple eating bitch when it was said and done.

I called the numbers repeatedly, I even dialed Trent's number from my phone and received the out of service area recording. My life was over, I became so angry! I knew if anyone came to Emily Orchard, it would be war. An unknown number had called my phone, and then Mya's. I disregarded them both. I prayed for Yvonne and Mya's safety but felt they knew more. Why hadn't Mya called from her mother's phone since I had hers? Surely they knew I was gone. I drove, it was almost 10 p.m, and Trenton hadn't called at the time he said he would. Was he in danger? I hadn't known if we had been followed or if he had sent them to Mya's. Why would he trust them if he didn't know them? He was a discreet person and very protective. I could trust nobody now not even him. About 10:20 I pulled in down the dark road leading to the orchard, the deer stood in the headlights startled as I slammed the brake. He had appeared so sudden, I had been trying to get a signal. The truck veered to the left, as I tried to straighten up the tail end went left and crashed into a tree. The airbag erupted. I could feel the warm blood drip in my lap from my mouth and nose, my face felt numb from the impact. FUCK! The poor deer moaned and tried to crawl out of the road, I cried for him, I was so sorry. His leg appeared broken, he bled from his head. I was way out there, the rear end was crushed on the driver's side of the truck. I still had about a half mile to walk before I made to the gate and it was dark, no streetlights. He had said his grandfather wanted it that way to keep thieves away. There were absolutely no lights, the headlights shone throughout the thicket in an adjacent direction, crickets sang as the frogs croaked from the pond that sat off of the highway a few feet down, but sounded as near as beside my shoes. I fumbled for the flashlight on my phone, the oval beam soon appeared on the graveled road. I could only see in front of me, and knew the battery would soon be dead as Mya's was. I hoped to make it to the shed where there was electricity. There was cardboard on the floor door with the keypad and I could make a bed with the cloth sacks. I remembered seeing two rifles, I would knock a nigga ass off if he thought about entering. The orchard had been special to Trent's grandfather, he said he hid all of his money out there, and promised he would die before he told anybody where it was, even his wife Emily. Trent said he didn't mean it and died while digging a grave. His mother had been an only child and on drugs so he had no one to leave the orchard to, his Grandmother died less than a month later. Trenton inherited the property when it was all said and done solely, his sister was gone. He spoke of his own children someday running it, he sounded as if he had plans.

I walked, my feet were so swollen, I stopped and leaned against a tree. I felt I couldn't make it, I was so hungry and pictured my baby having an apple birthmark. I could look at the sky and tell that it wouldn't rain, that was a plus. I was so scared and had had to trust the nigga I was scared of, I was certain he had set me up. He would not answer and still had my children, he could have had the decency to let me talk to them for one last time!

I could see the gate ahead finally after I walked for what seemed like eternity and the trees that lined the entrance of Emily Orchard had not looked too welcoming, it appeared the dark path would swallow me whole. I had not wanted to have a seizure and had to pee, I stopped, squatted and proceeded walking toward the orchard. The old lock would sometimes give Trent problems and I prepared for the fight, I had succeeded before but it had taken strenuous tugging on that rusty muthafucka to get it unlocked. I didn't have the strength. Something had given me a bad case of indigestion and the crying hadn't made it any better, my throat burned, I'd screamed for miles. I finally somewhat regained my composure and tried to remember Trents face, he didn't take pictures so I didn't have one of him. I made it to the gate and to my surprise someone had been but hadn't pushed the padlock all the way closed, as if they were planning on coming back without a key. I pushed the heavy iron gate open, entered and closed it but secured the lock. I collapsed once I made inside the gate, I was so tired. I knew I could not lay, the distant sounds of the cars frightened me. I went to the shed after resting, unlocked it and went inside. When the light filled the space I'd known someone had been inside, the cardboard he always kept in the corner covered in mulch had been disturbed. An eerie feeling overcame me and after I checked my surroundings I concluded no one else was inside and dropped to the floor in emotional agony.

I sat against the shed wall and cried from exhaustion and heart break. I wondered why Mya hadn't called and looked at the unknown call on my phone and thought about how they had come in within a couple minutes of each other. I knew I didn't have service, the prepaid phone was just something temporary and the phone coverage sucked. After accepting I may be closed in the shed for a while I covered my mouth to stop the scream that was emerging. I had no phone, again---I was alone. I should have stayed at the hospital like Trent had said. After feeling like I had enough strength to stand I crawled to my knees, stood up and walked to the disheveled cardboard that concealed the floor door. I patted the pocket of the sweats I had worn, retrieved the Iphone and Android charger and plugged the devices up. I managed to pull the boxes from the corner and laid them in the middle of the shed. With all the tools I knew I could give a bitch their issue, and I dared anyone to come through the door. There were no wifi signals, I had no communication whatsoever.

On the third day I had fallen asleep but awakened so hungry, I knew I could die. I was becoming so cold by the day, I had vomited everything I could have possibly still had in my body. The hunger soon turned to anger. At night I would sneak out to look for fallen apples from the previous harvest, they soon gave me diarrhea. I found a pen one night and began to write everything on the walls, u name it I wrote it. I guess they were my confessions. Every victim, every murder, I wrote it until the ink bled out. The therapist had said get it all out, hadn't he! I knew I would die inside, I would lay down to die in the middle of the shed. My own body odor was unbearable I had begun to stink like the scum of the earth I was, it had been written. Why had I thought I could change it! I had been molested since a baby! He made me believe it was normal, I could never be ordinary. My mind was gone, I knew so. Every sequence of any pattern in sight began to change, it had been Trent's fault! All of the grids, and equations were still in my mind, I could not stop sequencing everything I saw inside of the shed! The numbers on the floor door danced before my eyes, the thinned paint on the numbers 3-6-8-4-1 let me know those particular numbers had been used often, Trent said he hadn't been in the safe since a kid, "When Grandad died no one knew the code. That's probably where his medals and money is. Man was loaded, said he wouldn't put it in the bank because he had more than they did, they would want some." I laughed it off because he had told me before u didn't need a penny to keep another muthafucka's money and call it a bank. They had stopped trying the code years ago. When he started tending the orchard he had hired several people to figure the combination but all had failed. I knew if there were only five numbers used on the keypad and the code likely consisted of six or eight numbers like he said his mother had said when he was a child, there were more than a few combinations. I glanced at the numbers and found a few using only those five numbers, whether it be six or eight. More than one hundred. 3636 kept replaying in my mind.

I decided not to touch it but the glare of the evening sun would highlight the worn buttons and the numbers would gyrate, showing me every sequence. I only had a few hours of daylight and when the sun would go down I would see the keypad in my mind.

One morning I woke up about 4 a.m, I could see headlights shining through a crack in the shed and had known someone was at the gate. I knew the truck had likely been reported stolen and where I had left it it was visible. However it was 4 a.m. and someone was coming to the Orchard. Gut feeling told me it was not Trent. The shed door was locked, I tried to assure myself someone was just turning around. I heard the creak of the gate as it opened, and the car began to proceed. Were there two people?! Who had a key?!

I searched in the dark for a weapon but I could not see. I closed my eyes and held my breath, all I could see was that fucking keypad. He had always leaned toward 6 numbers, but it was 8, I knew it and Twan had known half. The pains in my side were coming one after another, I had laid on the floor a week, I had tried to save my baby by feeding her apples. I felt to be in labor and knew it wasn't time, I hadn't even turned 7 months yet. No way she would make it.

I tried to stand and felt enormous pressure on my abdomen but decided to try to stay calm, the scream of agony and defeat was trapped inside of my throat. My life, my world, just ---gone. I laid back down to surrender as I heard police radios on the premises, "Hello! Anybody out here?" Police? How had they been able to get in the gate?!! I considered coming out saying I had had a wreck and needed medical treatment but I knew if they were looking for the driver of the truck I had stolen it and would go to jail, in labor or not. I saw the beams shine through the cracks around the shed and finally they left. "Pretty dark out here, lets go---that poor girls ghost may be out here like they say. U know we never found her..."

What girl?

I heard the car as it backed down the dirt road. I was relieved but still in labor, I would not make it. The pains were the worst I had ever experienced, I had only heard of bitches giving birth alone and knew it was possible I was just not healthy, I was malnourished and the child could not stay inside. I screamed and cried so loud, at that point I hadn't cared who heard, my daughter was coming. I could only lay with my knees up. Her head was filling the birth canal. She was about to rip through, I needed a doctor fast or she would kill me! I had no phone service and then the idea occurred, just because I didn't have service hadn't meant Mya didn't. I crawled to where her phone had laid, and powered it on with hopes of service. I knew Verizon was better than the bullshit prepaid company I was with. When I saw two bars fluctuating at the top, felt hope. When the messages and emails slowly began to pour in so I knew there was a little service. I hadn't wanted to dial 911, but called anyways and said I was at Emily Orchard in labor. They soon arrived.