Chapter Twenty

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" asked Essence.

I nodded but held up my index finger to signal for her to give me a minute. I did want to be foolish and tell her everything if there was a camera. Sure enough, I spotted one in the corner of the walls above Essence's bed.

"What are you doing?"

I pointed to the camera. She hummed getting the gist of my actions. She swiftly ripped the blanket off her bed and fastened it over the camera.

"Now will you tell me?" she asked.

I shook my head, "It can still hear us."

I gestured for her to follow me over to the desk. It made me question what those idiots were thinking, giving us paper and pencils. I shook the thoughts away and grabbed the pencil. I gently moved Essence's drawing and began writing. My handwriting messily filled the paper as I tried to hurry. I knew it was only a matter of time before somebody noticed that our camera was covered. I handed the paper over to Essence and she stared at it.

Alistair didn't give me the real injection. I don't know why, but he faked it. The real injection gives the guards the power to make anybody that is injected do anything. I'm not really sure how it works. But maybe my free will can help us? I don't know, but a guard told me they are looking for any chance to kill me.

I looked at Essence to see her feature scrunched up as if she was thinking. She gestured for me to hand her the pencil and I did. She began to write. Her handwriting was much neater and organized than mine. I seriously didn't understand how some people could still make their writing look nice when they were rushing. After writing she handed the paper to me.

Maybe later we could test out the commands? You can try to give me one and see if it works. Then maybe we can see if I can build up a tolerance to them. As for now, you need to behave. Anything you do will be used to build a case to kill you.

I nodded about to grab the pencil when I heard the heavy footsteps of a guard. I looked Essence with a panicked expression. She began ripping the paper into small pieces. She then stuck some in her mouth and began to swallow. She handed some to me and I did the same.

We were able to get about half of the paper down when we heard the lock. Essence quickly shoved the paper in her bra as I yanked the blanket off of the camera and flopped onto the bed. Essence took a quick seat in the chair and went back to her drawing.

The guard stepped into the room and glared at me. I tried to keep my heavy breathing in check by breathing through my nose.

"What is going on here? You will tell me," he demanded.

"I will do so," I said before Essence could even get a word out.

I knew Essence would be forced to tell the truth if I didn't speak up. So I prayed I could figure out a decent lie.

"Essence thought her period had started so she asked to help her. I didn't want her to get embarrassed so I tied the blanket to the camera."

The male guard's eyes widened in shock. I knew that was the last thing he wanted to hear about today. I hoped it would nip all of his questions in the bud.

He cleared his throat, "Okay, um, just, um, call for a female guard to help you next time. I'll make sure to tell one that you need sanitary products."

I could see a hint of a blush on his face. I had to force myself not to laugh and he stumbled out of the room. I turned to Essence to see her fighting the same battle.

She surprised me by wrapping me in a hug.

"Nice save," she whispered, "I felt like I was going to vomit holding all of that in. But when you said those words it just stopped."

She released me and I gave her a confused look. That's so odd. So maybe you didn't have to answer directly. As long as you heard the words the spell of sorts was lifted temporarily. I added the information to the back of my head. It looked like I would be doing a lot of lying and question answering.

"So," I said, "Is the drawing done yet?"

"Almost, I just need to add a few details. Although, it's my own work so it'll never look perfect to me."

I gave her an expression of understanding. I wasn't a perfectionist, but I did have high expectations for myself. I wasn't the type to sit for hours until something was perfect though. I could sense that's how Essence was though. It wasn't like people like that annoyed me, but they did frustrate me. I wouldn't voice that to Essence though.

I led over her shoulder and peaked. Saying what she had drawn was good would be an understatement. The soft pencil strokes looked as if they were God-sent.

"Hey! I'm not done!" shouted Essence covering her work.

I sighed, "Fine."

Just then I heard the lock clicking. A female guard that I was sure I'd seen earlier emerged. She handed me a box and I immediately knew what was inside. She then promptly left. I opened the box to see some sanitary products. This caused me to stifle a laugh.

"I believe this is for you," I said, trying to sound serious.

Essence furrowed her eyebrows and opened the box. She shuffled through it and scoffed as she pulled out a chocolate bar.

That's when I lost it and began laughing hysterically. She rolled her eyes and shut the box.

"I better go to the bathroom then."

I nodded. She should keep up the act. She began to jump in front of the camera until she heard footsteps. The same female guard opened the door and Essence clutched the box to her.

"You better not touch my chocolate or else I will skin you," she said threateningly.

"You got it chief," I said, saluting.

She rolled her eyes and walked out of the door. I heard the lock click. Another click eluded that Essence had been handcuffed.

I smiled at the door but still felt empty. I knew that I had people that loved me, but the hollow feeling in my chest made me feel like nothing. I thought back to the woman I killed and almost threw up. Why did I do that? My eyes watered and I could feel the aching in my chest. Why am I even trying? I knew the answer, I did, but I couldn't answer myself. I was being crushed with self-hate.

"I'm alive for Cade, and Essence," I choked out, "and for mom and dad."

I couldn't bring myself to say the last name.

"Wouldn't it be better if a killer like yourself was dead," said a voice.

I wiped around but the voice had to nobody. I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" another voice chastised.

"No," I mumbled covering my ears.

"Why would anybody love you? You must be kidding yourself. They all hate you, they feel bad for you." a voice said chuckling.

"Stop it. Stop." I said a little louder.

All the voices began talking at once. They all said awful things. Telling me that I was worthless and disgusting. That I devised nobody. That I deserved to die.

I whined and walked over to the metal door.

"What are you gonna do," a voice snickered, "Call for Cade or Alistair. News for you bitch, neither of them care. They can't wait for you to just die."

My eyes watered and I hit my head against the door.

"Oh, did I hurt your feelings?"

I banged my head again, making myself dizzy.

"Poor little baby. That's what everybody thinks of you. An annoying little baby."

I threw my head against the door as hard as I could. The impact surprised me with an absurd amount of pain. I whimpered and fell backward whacking the back of my head against my bed and successfully passing out.

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My eyes flew open, to see Essence standing over me in a particular choice of clothes.

"Essence?" I asked.

Her eyes flew open and she dropped the needle she was about to inject me with. She looked a bit older here, but nonetheless the same. How long had I passed out for?

"How-how did you know my name?"

I gave her a confused look. Did she have this bad of a memory? I'm her freaking room-mate for goodness sake.

She slowly picked up the needle and stuck it in my arm.

"Shit," I mumbled feeling disoriented.

I groaned as something flew into my stomach. I coughed and struggled to open my eyes.

"Hey, get back here!'" I heard a male voice shout.

"But she's awake daddy!" a small and familiar voice said.

I looked down to see Nova hugging me as if her life depended on me. I gasped at the memory that flooded into my head. It was me and her playing hide and seek with our parents. She giggled as my dad found her and began to tickle her. She shouted for me to rescue her and I did. My little sister. Tears began to leak out of my eyes.

"I thought I lost you," I mumbled into her hair.

A throat cleared and I looked up to see my dad and Essence, the nurse I guess, looking at me. They looked hopeful but slightly worried.

My dad turned to nurse Essence, "Is she up for good now?"

"I'm not sure sir," she said, "she seems stable, but only time will tell."

My father nodded, "I'm going to go call her mother. Please come and get me if anything changes in the meantime."

Nurse Essence nodded and my father turned to Nova and me, "Nova, be careful with your sister and please behave while I call mummy."

Nova nodded furiously and burrowed closer into me making everybody laugh a bit. I looked down and gave my little sister a small smile. Maybe everything would be okay after all.

I pulled Nova away from me a little taking in her features. Her hair was messy and her little eyes were bloodshot. The sight of her made my heart hurt.

"Mommy said you might never wake up again," Nova said.

I clenched my jaw, "I'm awake, buggy. It's just- it's hard when I'm asleep because I don't know whether it's real or not."

She gave me an adorable puzzled look.

"Don't worry about it kid. I'll always wake up for you because in the dream something bad happened to you."

Her eyes widened, "What happened?"

"It's not important. Just know that I love you so much. So if I go back to sleep, remember that I'm fighting for you, buggy."

She nodded and hugged me tightly.