Kyion's Heart Beats For The One He Loves
-
As Kyion solemnly sat out in the most shaded part of the templehouse rock garden he found himself completely unable to meditate I'm completely unable to pray or do anything other than twirl a blue sash around in his fingers until every now and then he found himself bringing it up to his lips with longing.
It was Suurin obi sash that was left behind after that fateful night... the night that was on his thoughts constantly even if you looked out into the garden and to the trees beyond.
Not too long after these summer months pass
The leaves shall soon fade into brown and red
And fall into the lake
Until it shines like an amber pool
But for now some green still remains with the heat if the day
Even if all the blossoms have faded away
Along with all their colours and perfumes
...but yet still
The shadow of spring still lingers with me
In my thoughts of that time with Suurin
The colour of his red lips on that spring night now seems to be even brighter than that of the Spider Lily
And the sparkle in his eyes I saw that night still burns in my head like a memory of the midnight sky filled with stars
No spring blossom could ever smell as bitterly sweet as his flows of silken hair
But yet I am here alone left only with the memory of his springtime kiss
For I find that I cannot go to him without looking at him the same way that I looked at him that spring night...
My eyes adored him
My hands worshipped him
My words praised him
My soul yearned for him
And even now it still deos
It's became like a temple bell ringing inside me
Ringing his name out loud
Calling him to come and hug my soul
It's love's illusions I recall
Calling me to hide away from all of my fears leave my pride behind like a trail of footprints in the snow
Calling me to say "I love you" to him out loud
Such a preposterous thing
That notion and this this twisting way I feel inside
Broken dreams and others winning at their schemes is always how I've looked at life
But...somehow
I can't see life at all anymore and... I'm not sure I ever could
And now even old friends tell me that I've changed... that ive lost something bitter in my soul when I gained something so sweet in being so close and unafraid every day even if only to be near him without so much as even a proper word to say
I suppose that it's right in the end I didn't know much of truth at all
But still somehow I recall all the horror that I've done
And I fear for him
And perhaps...it is also that I do not know how to love!
It's really so easy to hate I do it everyday when I fight the monsters in this forest but it takes courage and vigor that I don't even have in me that I can find to be gentle to a delicate flower so fragile and brittle as love
I'm frightened by the powers of the crazy human heart
But drawn to one who isn't afraid
I met a soul
With a soul the foil to mine
To share and zen my life
Who fears not the misery of me
But I'm so afraid!
That I'll brake him...
That the darkness and the madness will infect him also
I have no hope left in my insanity and no hope is a dangerous thing to somthing to pure
...even the heartache he gives me is of grace and sweetness!
He really is like he told me his Daha said
A moth
He's drown to the light... even when it was never there to begin with!
My Suurin...my beautiful....
Beautiful...
Beautiful...heartache!
Even now as I hold your obi sash in my hands I dream of you!...
Perhaps then it is this pain in these dark moments alone with ourselves that we truly know if we love someone!
Perhaps maybe if I could fall into your deepness I'd be strong enough for you!...for these twisting and bending emotions inside my body, these pretty little dreams of you and I even though it's all destined to fail like the beautiful tragedy that is us!... the tragic end that is loving me!
Just then the doors leading out to the garden are thrown wide open as a servant urgently rushes to his direction.
"Lord Kie! Lord Kie! The southern mouintan bridge is under attack by the Raifuburīzā!"
He jumps up and runs out to the only village exit with a small group of men to go and slay the demons.
-
Notes: an obi is the belt that ties the kimono on a normal kimono.
Raifuburīzā means "the life breathers" they are demons that suck the life out of the weak.