Chapter 7: Vi's inspiration

Violet POV

After ALA, I quickly went up to the fourth floor where the faculty is usually seen. My math teacher sent a message which said that she will give me the review materials and resources I'll need for the preceding remedial sessions. My tutee and I will be handling the same topics which will make handling with my tutee easier. 

I seriously wanted to know who will be my tutee this year. I'll ask ma'am later so that I can confirm that the guy with glasses in my dream was truly Daniel. 

I knocked on the faculty's door and I entered the SMCT(Science, Math, Computer, and Technology) office while my hand on the doorknob trembled from nervousness. I smiled and greeted my teachers present. "Good afternoon teachers." No one responded back. 

I approached my teacher's table and greeted them. "Good afternoon ma'am Bea. May I raise questions regarding next week's remedial?"

"Oh Vi, I am a bit busy so I cannot entertain all of your questions but I will try. What do you want to ask?"

"Ma'am, may I know who will be my tutee for this school year? I am curious to know so that I can determine his strengths and weaknesses on the subject."

"If that is the case, I will introduce him to you personally. Since it's his first time attending remedial and your first time handling him, U want your first meeting to be a surprise. But don't worry, he is your fellow classmate so that it will be easier for you to monitor him."

"Noted ma'am. I also liked to ask if it is okay for me to teach him some advanced topics from the curriculum whenever he masters the current lessons?"

"I'll only allow it if it will further enhance his understanding of the topic." 

"Alright. Thank you, ma'am Bea."

I went out of the office and came back to the dorms. Nevermind, I'll make a summary of all of the topics so that my discussion will go through smoothly and fast. 

…

After a long day, I jumped and laid on my bed to rest. I gaze at the ceiling feeling determined. I set my alarm to 30 minutes from now and put on my earphones. I played some songs by Moira Dela Torre and December Avenue. Elaine came in and suddenly sat on the corner of my bed.

Elaine took my brown teddy bear and played with it. "Hi Violet, so how's life?" 

"Life doesn't have an exact definition. It has various definitions with their own take on it. For me, well it'll take a chunk of your time if I explain–"

She smacked my arm while laughing. "What I meant is how is your day?"

"Ahh, I was just kidding a while ago. Of course, my day was great but tiring. I'm resting before I'll proceed to write a summary of all equations and terms for Math."

"You will be outlining again. Isn't it too much of a hassle for you to put so much effort into your remedial sessions?"

"It's not, I actually enjoy teaching with several sources and notes. You can read some of my resources for my summary and worksheets for practice."

She took out my file case and saw the number of worksheets I have. "This is a lot, Vi.  You're so hardworking. I hope that you'll be a DL this year."

"I wish. I am just y sure that we will survive grade nine struggles."

"Of course e! But I am curious, when did first realize that you wanted to teach math?"

"Well, I got inspiration from my best friend three years ago but we lost touch ever since I transferred schools. "

"Why?"

I hesitated to answer. It has been years since it passed but the heart wouldn't forget the pain it felt before. I tried my best to fight back tears. 

"For starters, we have different priorities. He is staying in Baguio while I'm here studying in Quezon. Our friendship can be compared to LDR or a long-distance relationship. There are times when you won't know whether it is a good time to talk or not. I didn't know if he's going through a difficult time. I didn't know if he was giving up on everything."

I quickly paced myself from speaking too fast. "One time, he had a serious argument which resulted in breaking our friendship. It's difficult to maintain friendship, trust, and honesty when you're really far away from each other's reach. But I knew that it's not necessary to always stay in touch every day to maintain our friendship. It's sad that he decided to erase all those good memories I had with him. All I know is that he is too tired to deal with me anymore. Even if he left me alone, I will always be the person who is willing to help others in my own way because he believed in my capabilities"

He's not just my best friend, he's even my crush before. Ever since then, I have closed my heart from others. I stopped anyone who showed his intentions of giving me back his love. I can't anymore because my heart can't bear it anymore. It's done too much damage. Others were just a puppy crush. I already "moved-on" from the past but the pain will still remain here. 

I believe in the saying that love is more precious when you love a person without expecting them to love you back. Even if we were only friends, I was already happy being by his side. I never regretted that we were best friends, yet it still hurts whenever I reminisce on those memories I had with him.

"That is alright Vi. You're too kind to deserve such pain. Someday, he will realize that he shouldn't have done it in the first place."

"It's difficult to hope too much," I told myself. 

After I finished writing my summary, I forced myself to sleep. I blinked my eyes and gaze on the ceiling. My thoughts are filled with questions I had before. I tried to answer them one-by-one but a question always appeared in response to my answer. An unending swirl of paradoxical questions that forces itself to remain unanswered. I felt the warmth of my tears as it rolled down my cheek. I buried my face onto my pillow.

This feeling always breaks me whenever the thought of my best friend is mentioned or related to a certain situation. If this petty issue I had with him destroyed me in the past, how would I be able to go through the problems I'll have to encounter on the way?