If I had only one wish in this world, it would be for you to grow up with a genuine smile on your face

Im so confused,

Why is it that every time I smile,

I cry,

And why is it every time I laugh,

it goes just as fast as it comes,

Why am I so afraid of getting close to someone else,

why is it that any emotion I feel brings me pain,

I'm so afraid,

So very afraid,

That I would End up hurting you as much as I hurt myself,

I want to see you smile,

And I want to see you laugh,

But sometimes I feel like the only way for that to happen is for me to disappear.